To dislike people commenting on what you are buying?

[Paddingtonscare]

Im aware this might be an anxiety/ autism thing about being perceived but I really hate it!

I work in a town center with multiple shops around me, and I have a bit of a routine around buying certain items/ food. Its not everyday or a set day but probably once or twice a week.

First a shop worker basically said "oh you are always buying these", and i found it awkward but changed shop when she said something else similar.

Then a shop worker in shop 2 said "oh you are late today" so I decided to go to a chain shop for a bit more anonymity

Then shop 3 today asked me about why I had different items to usual

Ironically all three shops were commenting about different items!

Would this put other people off? Or is this a normal part of going once a week to a shop?

It wouldn't annoy me enough to change shops but I'd rather they didn't pass a comment on what I was buying either

Yep, it’s awkward. To me it feels like pressure. They notice me so I’m expected to come back kinda.

If it was Tesco Express I wouldn’t care, but with a small business it feels like you’re now viewed as a regular who’s propping up their business.

you better stay out of Waitrose Thame ha ha the vegans/vegetarians let you know this if you are buying meat and should you buy two lots of dw tablets as they are
on offer then we hear how they only have their dw on once /twice a week and other
less than fascinating remarks

at least you are recognised, acknowledged, remembered, spoken to, they will miss
you should you leave

They're just trying to be friendly. They believe showing an interest is positive.

You might not like it, but it's super unimportant. Learn to let these things slide over you and not bother you.

Honestly, it's a minor social interaction they're trying to make everyone's lives easier & slightly brighter. They misjudged it, but there's no malice.

You're not significant in their lives and equally they don't need to affect your behaviour either. It's just something to say.

And I say all this as someone also autistic and who would prefer they didn't, but it's not something to get hung up on.

Hate it. Workers on the checkout at the supermarket commenting on stuff I’m buying as they scan it. Sniffing a candle etc. Fuck off.

That would irritate me hugely and I would find somewhere more anonymous to shop. Nothing to do with autism, those people are simply rude and insensitive

I’m autistic too and I love chatting to strangers at the tills as a shopper.

DS on the other hand (also autistic) hates talking to anyone so will look away and avoid conversation with strangers and even avoids talking with people he knows.

If you really don’t want to converse just grunt (hmm) with no eye contact and carry on with your shopping.

The staff are just trying to make the day go more pleasantly but it’s ok to not want to interact too. They’ll get used to you not responding and will hopefully give up bothering you.

It is important if it makes the OP feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t like it I wouldn’t stop shopping there but I would prefer self service checkouts.
If you went there often it was there clumsy attempt to recognise you as their regular customer, so from a positive pov really.

They're trained to interact like that. I guarantee you most of them would rather just scan your shopping in silence, but they're told they should chat and pass comment on things. By all means find it annoying, but don't hold it against them personally.

Well, my view is that since she can't control what other people do, and many people do do this, she can either continue to be uncomfortable, or she can learn to reframe it so that either she views it as unimportant and/or it no longer makes her feel uncomfortable.

If someone prefers a strategy which continues to make them feel discomfort, crack on, it's their life, but it doesn't seem the best approach to me.

Or maybe people can stop making inane comments about people’s purchases

I agree that it’s nothing to do with being autistic. Some people who are not autistic also dislike interacting with others.

You personally finding it rude doesn’t actually make it rude though.

Where I live, you’d be considered rude if you actively ignore the friendly shop staff and that’s why there are a few (empty) self service tills available for people who just want to rush in and rush out again and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

I completely agree.

anything beyond - oh that’s lovely is totally unwarranted

Sure. Maybe they should. But they won't. And if they did they might well do something else that someone somewhere would find problematic.

If you want to leave your mental/emotional wellbeing up to others, great for you.

I think developing resilience to the inevitable frictions of life is a much better approach.

People are different.

I’d love to find that where I live. In my one horse town, everyone has something to say about everyone else

Another one who has to make it personal

It’s intrusive.

Those things said would not bother me.
I do though have an issue with what I would call false conversations which often less so now, but in the past, supermarkets I think told their checkout staff to gain a rapport with the customer. And then you had’ What are you doing today’. Which I found off putting. I just want to pack my groceries, be pleasant but not over familiar and leave.

I would genuinely welcome the interaction and also recognise that the person serving me is probably just making the best of a long hard shift working for shit pay. If I don’t want to talk I’ll use the self service option.

When I used to live alone, I’d fairly often go to the fish counter in the supermarket on my way home for work for a single portion of salmon.
They started to recognise me, remember I always bought the same thing, and comment on it. So I stopped going.
I’m aware that’s an overreaction. And it probably reflected my own internal worry that I was in a very boring routine, and so didn’t want people commenting on it.

I know we're all supposed to hate self service tills, but one big advantage of them is that they aren't instructed by their misinformed and delusional managers to make awkward small talk with customers. If it happens naturally, fine, but not when it's forced or over-familiar like this.

When my dad had dementia, the ONLY things he would eat were biscuits, cake and chocolate.

While he was eating biscuits them, he would crush loads up at the same time. He would eat a slice of cake, and crush up the rest saying it had been poisoned.

So I used to buy hundreds of packets of biscuits and cakes a month. I would stop at Aldi before I visited a couple of times a week and stock up, just a huge basket of biscuits, cake and chocolate.

There would always be some prick passing comment on what I was buying, either directly or indirectly. other shoppers or people on the tills.

And I’d always set the judgemental arseholes straight, and at least some of them had the good grace to apologise.

People can be wankers.

This really reminded me of Caroline Ahern's check out girl! "Air freshener....house pong, does it?"

@Bellasmellsofwee are they being wankers? Or are they just not psychic and know the very specific set of circumstances around your cake buying? My Dad has dementia so I understand the comment was not helpful, but it's not malicious.