AIBU to ask if we can legally request copies of childhood photos?

[hiddenchildnastyex]

Dh has DSS (23) who he was not aware of till he was 20.

His (very short term) ex (DSS mother) hid everything and moved away. She keeps saying that she has childhood photos and videos etc etc that she wants to share but inviting dh round - can we legally request copies ? DSS has given us as much as he can get his hands on but confirms ex has lots more. She won’t release anything unless Dh spends time with her. He requested for it to be with DSS too she refused and he won’t allow her to manipulate us.

Is there any legal route or do we have to accept we can’t do this and go without things Dh would love to see. He’s already hurt enough by what happened .

If dh can’t legally pursue this can dss for images of himself?

No there's no legal precident for that.

Focus on the here and now and maintaining a good relationship going forward. Forget the past, it's another country.

I suspected so it’s such a shame

I get that she’s manipulating but is there another reason DH can’t meet for coffee and look through and get some photos?

She wants him to go alone - he will not put himself in that situation

She will not meet in a public place we suggested this and it was a no

How about in a public place like a coffee shop?

Your dh has got a son that he didn't know about come into his life and no doubt will enhance his life - I'd focus on that. Pick your battles.

How weird. I’m sorry :(

I think you need to forget about the photos etc and focus on the relationship with dss.

I would be very very wary of the fact that she wants to meet when no one else is there.

Pick your battles and focus on moving forward to a future involving DSS

Is there reason to think she's dangerous in some way? Why doesnt he want to meet her alone?

Dss is no longer able to access the home (he has moved in with us ) she is using these photos and videos and even certificates, old school work etc against him and dh otherwise he said he would have taken them to show us.

She only told him about dh as she tried to make a claim for backdated child maintenance. We obviously refused, we are planning to actually give Dss a lump sum. The whole situation has really been shocking for everyone and very difficult and it doesn’t seem like the biggest issue some photos etc but to dh and Dss it’s really huge as it fills in such big gaps.

You say DH has DSS, do you mean he has DS and therefore your DSS? Otherwise I am confused as to why he is bothered!
Does DS/DSS live with his mother? Can he not take photos of the photos to forward on?

Dh was only with her for just less than a year, it was a volatile relationship as she had substance issues and would regularly disappear or act violently. He says he will only meet her in public with witnesses

Yes sorry it’s dh ds my dss

He could go and see her and get the copies he wants if that is what she is offering. I assume he's not interested in rekindling anything with her. You or the son could sit in the car outside if he is worried about being compromised in some way, or have his phone on record the whole time? Or carry a small recording device so there is no doubt about what was said and done.

I suspect all the photos are his mother's property, not sure if the son has any legal right to his own images, but he might not want to be in the middle of this.

Did dh really have no idea the gf was pregnant? Or was it convenient not to enquire too much where and why she had gone, was she living with her parents at the time? There are usually two sides to a story, maybe she wants to tell him her side.

I'm not sure what the danger would be? You say they had a brief fling then no contact whatsoever until son was 20. So what has she done in the interim to make her too risky to meet alone?

Either way old photos aren't really that important. I barely have any of my own dad who I was very close to but I still love and remember him.

So just try and focus on the future and being able to do nice things with DSS that you can of course capture on camera.

Why has DSS left his mother's house? Is it that the mum wants to talk to DH confidentially about something important that she doesn't want your DSS to hear about? Id be too curious not to go unless it's a safety issue, if it is then I would let it all go and focus on the present and moving forward.

Have you done a DNA test if she is as unreliable as you say you don't really know dh is the father until you get it checked.

Yes we did do one, although it was almost unnecessary as they look identical!!!

He says he will only meet her in public with witnesses

Smart. Is her behaviour why stepson is now living with you?

She's using the old stuff as a lever to get your husband alone so she claim something happened. He's going to have to give up on the idea of seeing that stuff.

The only idea I have is she wants money so offer a sum of money for the old photos and memorabilia and he and son pick it up in a public place.

About the backdated maintenance. She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something.

Why should she get help now??? Not all
men budget on the off chance a woman might turn up and say a 20 year old man is their son.

About the backdated maintenance. She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something.

@outerspacepotato That's a tricky one, because it sounds as if she intentionally concealed her son's paternity for 20 years. If she wanted maintenance, why didn't she tell the OP's DH about their son years ago?
It sounds as if she's always known that he was the father. Strange behavior on her part tbh.

DS should be able to get anything which is legally his property- I think his school work belongs to him but not photos taken by his Mum.

You can't backdate CMS.