AIBU to ask if we can legally request copies of childhood photos?

[hiddenchildnastyex]

Dh has DSS (23) who he was not aware of till he was 20.

His (very short term) ex (DSS mother) hid everything and moved away. She keeps saying that she has childhood photos and videos etc etc that she wants to share but inviting dh round - can we legally request copies ? DSS has given us as much as he can get his hands on but confirms ex has lots more. She won’t release anything unless Dh spends time with her. He requested for it to be with DSS too she refused and he won’t allow her to manipulate us.

Is there any legal route or do we have to accept we can’t do this and go without things Dh would love to see. He’s already hurt enough by what happened .

Photos mean nothing, he needs to work on building a relationship with his son.

Call me cynical but if she has substance abuse issues and suddenly wants to claim back dated child maintenance it sounds like she has run out of funds for her habit and thought throwing ds at your dh was a quick route to some ready cash.
Either way, I wouldn't stress over the photos and I absolutely wouldn't meet her alone for any reason, the fact she is so desperate to meet alone in private screams set up to me.

I think your DH is doing the right thing by refusing to meet her at home - she sounds dangerous and he shouldn't risk anything. There's no legal way to get the photos - they aren't official documents and have no legal value. The DS might have a legal recourse to get his birth cert etc if she's holding those hostage - I'm not sure what exactly he can do but I'm sure there must be a way to get her to release them or to have them reissued if possible.

It sounds like your best bet is to cut all ties with her and walk away.

Only a small point, but if the certificates he is missing are GCSE/A Level/vocational qualifications, he might still be able to get duplicates from the relevant exam boards. If he can't remember which boards he sat, I would imagine his school/college might be able to help as he didn't leave very long ago.
Again, if his birth certificate is being kept, you can get a duplicate. If the mother has also retained his passport and/or driving licence, I would think about applying for new ones now on the basis that they are lost. An application for a replacement passport would probably take longer than a regular one, and he might need this urgently in the future if he wants to go abroad at short notice.

She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something

No. She could have told him he had a child and asked for maintenance then. Maybe she’s worse off financially than she would have been. But her child is worse off in a far more significant way. As is OP’s husband.

I should add - it sounds like you and your DH have treated his DS very well and he's hugely lucky to be in contact with you. Well done on that.

Are you sure that your DH didn’t know or suspect there was a pregnancy? Why is afraid to meet her one on one? Surely there is a story behind the photographs, he should go to see her. A lot of time has passed.

@EmeraldShamrock000 The OP says that she has substance abuse issues and that may be why her DH is only willing to meet her in a public space. She may be volatile and make accusations if he doesn't agree to whatever she asks for (probably money if she has a habit). It's a very sad situation.

No legal basis unfortunately. We do not "own our own image" except in select circumstances for example when images are copyright. Otherwise they are "owned" by the person who took them (or bought them in terms of hard copy school photos).

Why does she want to spend time with DH? That sounds very odd. I agree it sounds like a way of keeping control over her son and your husband.

If he won't meet her I wonder if the next thing will be an offer to sell (some) of the items.

Does DSS have grandparents or family friends who might have some photos?