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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NC with sister DM keeps getting upset

60 replies

Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:04

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet (hopefully not a drip feed). I went NC with my sister three years. Probably one of the best decisions of my life. It’s multi factorial, as I have suspected autism (so never felt real attachment) and we’re just completely different people so I’m always on edge around her.

anyway, my DM is visiting and, and my sister has been sending packages so then my DM can give them to her. I eventually got annoyed because well I’m NC and seems to be crossing my boundaries.

My DM got all upset (as she normally does) but I keep telling it’s not her fault but that they should respect my boundaries.

As a side not, she keeps calling my suspected neurodivergence (on a waiting list for diagnosis ) a disease (and that I’m sick) and she has refused to read anything about since I told her I was going to go the formal diagnosis route (a few years ago).

So AIBU about my start sending packages? How about my DH keep getting upset?

I understand it’s not “nice” from her POV, but nobody has really ever even tried to be in my shoes either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givenup2026 · 12/05/2026 11:27

pikkumyy77 · 11/05/2026 22:20

If you love those people you have done very well in life as your father, mother, and sister have been vile to you. You have worked hard, it seems, to thrive and live and love. Your mother didn’t—she didn’t treasure and protect you the way she should. Maybe she had a hard life, as you say, but she could have fought for kindness and love for you even so. She has the luxury to do so now, presumably, but is disinclined to listen to you or to be as generous as she is to your sister.

Do what you can to preserve your precious time eith your own family. Let your mother snd sister do their group grope without you. Just refuse the packages and trll uour mother you won’t engage in tax fraud gor your sister.

Very kind words thank you!

obviously I have no idea what she tells my sister about me (nor care tbh), but to me it’s always been clear, they complete ignore my boundaries and completely deny my experience. Just by itself that’s in toxic territory.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 12/05/2026 11:36

OP, as far as the packages go, I actually have some sympathy with your DSis because of the absurd rules that are currently in place. An example - I sent a friend in France a fish knife, that cost £29, and they were charged 20 euros’ duty on it!! And of course postage to Europe is quite a bit more than postage to the UK. I can understand that it’s irritating from your POV to have to receive the packages, but try to think of it as doing a favour to your DM rather than for your sister. That way, you won’t upset your mother, and you can continue NC with your sister.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 12/05/2026 11:50

sesquipedalian · 12/05/2026 11:36

OP, as far as the packages go, I actually have some sympathy with your DSis because of the absurd rules that are currently in place. An example - I sent a friend in France a fish knife, that cost £29, and they were charged 20 euros’ duty on it!! And of course postage to Europe is quite a bit more than postage to the UK. I can understand that it’s irritating from your POV to have to receive the packages, but try to think of it as doing a favour to your DM rather than for your sister. That way, you won’t upset your mother, and you can continue NC with your sister.

i actually didn’t mind it until it came clear that I also needed to keep track of the packages once received and then deal with my DM failing memory of thinking there should be more packages because she misunderstood

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/05/2026 13:04

You could take a photo of the heap of packages and forward to DM.. "These are every one of the packages that have arrived. "

I do this with DC's clothes sometimes. they always quibble about things that have been left and another DC might/might not have.

Can't argue with a photo unless they want to say its been altered by AI of course.

Takes seconds and could stop accusations in their tracks, but you may feel its taking responsibility for the packages.

SilverPink · 12/05/2026 13:05

Why does she need to order so much stuff? Isn’t she able to buy these things in her country?

bigboykitty · 12/05/2026 13:07

sesquipedalian · 12/05/2026 11:36

OP, as far as the packages go, I actually have some sympathy with your DSis because of the absurd rules that are currently in place. An example - I sent a friend in France a fish knife, that cost £29, and they were charged 20 euros’ duty on it!! And of course postage to Europe is quite a bit more than postage to the UK. I can understand that it’s irritating from your POV to have to receive the packages, but try to think of it as doing a favour to your DM rather than for your sister. That way, you won’t upset your mother, and you can continue NC with your sister.

The sister should have treated the OP better, then she wouldn't have to deal with this frankly tangential issue. As it is they are no contact so it's now the sister's problem entirely.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 12/05/2026 13:43

SilverPink · 12/05/2026 13:05

Why does she need to order so much stuff? Isn’t she able to buy these things in her country?

I actually don’t know anymore!

NC with sister DM keeps getting upset
OP posts:
Arrowthroughtheknee · 12/05/2026 13:55

if they are adressed to you they are yours. Open them then use or sell them.

SilverPink · 12/05/2026 16:16

Givenup2026 · 12/05/2026 13:43

I actually don’t know anymore!

Show quote history

Is she married? Maybe she’s trying to hide the parcels from her husband so when your mum rocks up with them it looks like she’s just brought them all as gifts.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 12/05/2026 16:22

SilverPink · 12/05/2026 16:16

Is she married? Maybe she’s trying to hide the parcels from her husband so when your mum rocks up with them it looks like she’s just brought them all as gifts.

Show quote history

That’s potentially a good point! Something for my sister to discuss with my mother

OP posts:
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