AIBU to suspect my boyfriend may have a secret son?

[Cathy455]

Guys I could do with gal help I know I’m being crazy. It’s just me bein paranoid I know this. But there was this one time I asked my boyfriend had he ever slept with this girl that he used to know in his teenage years because I would often speak to her around my hometown. When I asked him this he got soo defensive and never answered me straight away etc, then eventually said no I’ve never been with her but I had to ask about 5 times. But basically he told me the other day him and his ex wife had a break for like a year about 20 years ago and that’s the age of this persons son. I also think the son and my boyfriend look weirdly alike as I have her on Facebook, Same dark features and same eyes and smile Am I crazy for thinking this. When I asked him about if he had been with her before he got very defensive but he told me they know each other from teenage years and his brother slept with her. I haven’t brought this up to him obviously as it would sound crazy 🤣

A few years ago I would have said you were being paranoid but I’ve actually heard this story before. I’m near enough certain my ex had a secret son. In the last month of our relationship he pretty much admitted it but he lied through his teeth so often I couldn’t tell if that was actually the truth.

Anyway same timeline as well and while he was on a break from his ex wife. God help you if you’re with my ex!

Haha where is it your from? Just incase it’s same guy haha imagine

I've encountered this situation a couple of times too - not personally. That's why I'd never just say 'oh don't be crazy'.

Dies the brother look like this boy?

Nah not really not the same eyes or anything !

Would it sound weird if I asked him 🤣

OP, are you diagnosed with anything? Do you have any learning difficulties?

You should understand by the age of 33 that people get defensive if you ask them the same thing five times. Most get defensive if you ask something more than once. Humans don’t like it when people don’t believe them; it’s rude and insulting.

This thread must be a joke.

Everyone told you that your behavior already had more red flags than party bunting, and your answer is to increase it 😂

I think asking someone if they have a learning disability is rude and insulting.

I’ll just say that he’s in Wales with a first name starting with D. Sadly I suspect this is not an unheard of lie for men to tell!

That’s fine. It was meant as a genuine question, not some kind of insult. If OP has genuine issues of some kind (perhaps she’s more immature than a normal 33 year old, for whatever reasons), then this thread makes more sense. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I realize my bluntness and questions that don’t seem intrusive to me can seem that way. Sorry, OP!

Well if you know the woman ask her if her eldest sees his Dad maybe rather than have you ever shagged my bloke.

He needs to LTB.

How long have you been together?
Do you have dc together?

What does it mean ? Nah we have no kids together He has a 23 year old and a 14 year old from his ex wife

I don't think it sounds crazy 🤣 he had a break, knows this lady who's son looks just like him and the dates add up..
Does she know you, surely she would have said something?

We only know each other in passing at the school, but she has commented on Facebook pics of us saying “beautiful couple” and they are friends on Facebook aswell so surely she wouldn’t be friends with him on Facebook if he’s never bothered with the child and also wouldn’t comment on a photo of us if he was her secret baby dad 🤣

Relationships he had before he met you are nothing to do with you.

YOU NEED TO DROP THIS. Full stop. Shut up, do not talk to any of your family, friends or random strangers on Mumsnet or elsewhere. STOP posting about it. Period. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

It is about the 20 year old man who does not deserve you talking about him!! That kind of gossip never goes away. He has done nothing to deserve your stupidity. You are an idiot and a dangerous one at that.

It is terrifying that you think you are entitled to start gossip about some kid just living his life. Unbelieveable. Leave him alone. In the United States we use YTA. You are most definitely that plus some.

Oh, and congratulations, no one on Mumsnet has made me as angry as you have for targeting an innocent unsuspecting person.

What would change if you did know? If the child is his, he’s very clearly not in its life.

What prompted you to ask this now in late August?

Ehhhhh?

So you asked him if HE had ever slept with a girl because YOU talk to her a lot? Thats odd rationale for a start.

Then you say you had to ask him 5 times because he got defensive? Did you ask him or accuse him? Because to me that conversation goes something like 'hey youve known xxx for years, have you ever had a physical relationship?' And what else can he say but yes or no?! Unless you mean he said 'wtf why would you ask that?!' Which is fairly reasonable as it is a bit random and bizarre.

And you have somehow linked all this together and decided its his secret son???! Because he looks a bit like him?!

Either your bf has form for extreme deception or you need therapy. Either way your relationship does not sound healthy. At all.

You do sound somewhat unhinged. Also, if he knows he has a child (who I assume is now a young adult)mand did not support the child growing up, he is not a good man.