To wonder why parents choose to forward face their child from a young age?

[incognito1991]

Genuinely no judgement I’m just curious, when I had my DD 2 years ago, I knew absolutely nothing about car seat safety and admittedly I still don’t know a lot. When looking into it I learned that children are so much safer rear facing for as long as possible and defiantly between the ages of 0-4. I have removed myself off some car seat safety groups as feel they can be too much sometimes but I was wondering if this is the best guidance why do parents choose to forward face from the legal age?

@BertieBotts You absolute star, thank you so much. It looks like it could work, you're right I had been told there was nothing on the open market that would work but I think this might.

Around 18 months DD became a nightmare in the car. Getting her into the seat meant holding her in place whilst she screamed and arched her back until she would briefly stop arching her back. In that second, we’d get the straps on her to buckle her in. If we couldn’t do it in that small window we’d have to wait until she next drew breath. We’d then have to put the Houdini straps on her because she’d be trying to break out straight away. She forward faced so I could see her straps and tell her no when she would try to do undo them. If she wasn’t forward facing, she was also grabbing the seat belt on her seat (using her feet to grab it and then bring her feet to her hands to play with the belt) and I was worried she was going to strangle herself. She was less risk to herself forward facing and I was a better driver because I could see her clearly.

That phase wasn’t actually that long (although it felt it incredibly long and very stressful at the time) and she did go back to rear facing because she was suddenly OK with the car again. She then stayed rear facing until about 3, maybe older and only went forward facing because she sized out of her seat.

Oh I'm so glad to hear that. There is a newer 25kg harness seat by Joie (i-Irvana Max) which possibly has better safety as it conforms to the newer standard, the fitting is a bit easier, although the Bold is fine - many MNers use it - but it does have a stated height limit on the harness of 125cm. If you wanted to enquire into whether that is strict, sometimes if you write directly to the company and ask to speak to their technical team they will give you individual advice for your specific child, which is not generally applicable. But the Bold is also a good option, and the i-Irvana Max is also £55 more expensive (but granted, it's not £2k!)

And some of the RF seats go up to 36kg/125cm and can be fitted on the front seat with airbag disabled, if that would solve the visibility issue. If you wanted to look into those, I'd contact one of the ERF specialists who is more sympathetic to reasons people have to FF - probably Rear Facing Toddlers/Margaret in Croydon, In Car Safety Centre in Milton Keynes, or Little Peas in Scotland.

My DD is 22 year old so extended rear facing wasn’t a thing but yes she vomited rear facing - until around 15 months and it stopped when she was forwarded facing.

I think as I had second child and spent more time as a parent I just got a bit more reasonable around risk. I feel mostly safe driving in this country and only use the car for long trips three to four times a year, I was happy to move to front facing around 12 months. It felt OK even though I have read all the research and seen the videos. I felt like the likelihood something awful happening was so minute.

Mmm, that was a concerning claim.

OK I'll bite

Since you seem to have all the answers what is the solution to a hysterically screaming 1 year old?
One that screams so much they vomit every time you put them in the car. What aspect of their behaviour am I as a parent not addressing?

No, because it's about the direction of travel not the point of impact. With both head on and rear end accidents, passengers are flung forwards toward the front of the car (unless you're reversing at speed but that's entirely unlikely) so if a child is in a rear facing car seat, they are essentially pushed backwards and the impact is absorbed by the back/shell of the car seat rather than the head being forced forwards and the strain being put on their neck.

No, just an accurate one.

Not all cars can have them safely installed, they are large and a badly fitted rf seat is worse than a properly fitted ff seat. They didn’t even exist until recently and our kids were fine ff my dd did have an accident and her properly installed ff saved her life, the car went into the back and was lodged against her seat back, policeman said if she had been in an infant carrier she would have been killed - it was the first day going ff! Ok specific circumstances but you can see it’s complicated

Prove your claim.

My van seatbelts weren’t long enough and I didn’t have isofix 😳. Thanks Nissan! Went with the Cybex Pallas S fix with impact shield.

Not a surprise you’re using such inappropriate demands as ‘proving a claim’ on something that is not a hard-science proposition – especially if you believe such an imprecise label as ‘a behavioural issue’ in crying in discomfort for a 15 month old.

A behavioural issue implies atypical or maladaptive behaviour patterns. Crying, protesting, and dysregulation at 15 months are extremely common and age-appropriate.
Toddlers at that age lack self-regulation and reasoning abilities. So the default assumption is ordinary developmental behaviour unless there’s evidence otherwise.

Distress can (sometimes) be supported. A distressing situation can (sometimes) be made more tolerable. Those are the elements that may decrease distress – not viewing distressed crying in a 15 month old as a behavioural issue.

Oh I've just realised you're not the person who came out with the claim about behavioural issues in the first place! You and I think the same.

Apologies, the confusion is completely my fault. It's obviously fucking idiotic to think a 1 year old crying because they're uncomfortable in a car seat is a behavioural issue.

Oh OK! 😆 Good to know.

My youngest didn’t rear face, after he came out of the baby car seat, as his siblings hadn’t. He liked to see them, and see where he was going, and I liked to see that he was ok.

Plus he was very tall, and although a car seat salesman tried to jam him in the chair and seat, rear facing in the shop, I refused, when he was upset.

A friend with twins had her primary school children rear facing, it looked bonkers, and their school friends thought it very odd.
I thought it bordering on cruelty, and she was an odd woman, in other ways, it turned out.

Do what you’re happy with, and the rest of us will too.

Cost of the car seat was a big factor, also eldest had car sickness, I felt very judged about this but I dont drive and they were rarely in the car anyway so statistically at less risk than my friends kids that were in the car everyday, I remember literally rattling around in my parents van with no seat belt as a child so things have changed massively in the last few years!

Switched to forward facing from around 14 months because car journeys were horrific. Prior to that I would avoid the car as much as possible. Poor baby wouldn’t stop screaming and it wasn’t safe to drive. Even for a very short journeys. She hasn’t screamed in her car seat since putting her in a forward facing car seat. Car journeys are easy and safe now.

DD2 "only" rear faced to 2.5.. but it was actually easier fo her to see and chat to her sister (18 months older) in a FF seat as they could see each other a lot more easily than both in seats facing the same direction.

At 2.5, her sister started school, and tge screaming, breath holding and sickness started.

(Elder DD dudnt haveca RF seat as they werent available in mainstream shops in 2012, and they were in 2014.)