Pretty Woman Moment

[JuliaRobHurts]

DH and I were at a homebuilding and renovation show yesterday as we're in the middle of an extension project. Specifically we 're on the hunt for a new front door and while looking around one of the vendors we had a "pretty women" moment.

We had a look at the various products on show before trying to get the attention of one of the representatives who appeared to be avoiding our gaze. Eventually she approached and I said 'hi, we're interested in bespoke front doors and quite like this one on show'.

Without asking our budget or any of our requirements she went into a spiel about how the doors were very expensive, how they were imported from Lithuania and the import charge was also expensive, all the while wincing as she was saying it. She then said we might be better off with a more mass manufactured door. I was absolutely stunned at her condescending tone. She hadn't asked a single question about what we were looking for.

I was so close to confronting her about her approach, but held back. DH calmly told her her sales pitch needs some work and we walked away, but I was fuming. We were both dressed smart/casually so the only thing I can think is she guaged our age (late thirties) and made an assumption we couldn't afford it (even though we can).

WWYD in that situation? I'm half inclined to email the company and provide feedback on our experience but I also don't know if it's worth the energy.

Would love to hear if anyone that's had a similar experience but DID confront the rude person as I'm still annoyed I didn't give her a piece of my mind.

Went through something similar years ago and always wished I said something - I really can't understand how people can judge just off appearances alone for something like this.

I got engaged and was offered my now husband's family's heirloom engagement ring (we think it was made in 1800s)and 22ct gold band (both of which I loved). But sadly, they were both too small and I needed them resizing.

Went into a very expensive high end jewellers near me - the kind with security on the door. The weather was atrocious and I was in Jeans, trainers and a high street winter coat that day so not dressed up to the nines.

Talked to a snooty sales lady and she looked down her nose at my rings whilst I explained my situation. She kept saying it was going to be really expensive to resize and I should speak to my fiance first - she kept repeating this to me and didn't seem to want to give me a price. Never mind that at the time my financial position was better than his. She never asked me for my budget but I assume she looked down on me because of how I was dressed.

At the same time, she saw a man in a green gillet and then she went off and was all over him and basically left me alone so I could 'call my fiance'. I ended up leaving and going to another local jeweller who was lovely, complimented the rings and he was immediately given the business.

I get that I wasn't buying a new ring from the posh jewellers so she wasn't going to get a big commission - but she could have just dealt with me quickly and moved on.

Joke was on her though as the other customer didn't end up buying anything either.

DH friend multi millionaire wears old jeans and a checked shirt always. He went into a car dealership ready to spend a lot of money on a new Bentley. The sales people ignored him. He was amused.

Buying new front and patio doors, I get a double whammy of assumptions..

1 - I can't possibly be able to make decisions because I am... a woman.
2 - but how can they ask for my husband, when I am a fatty in a wheelchair and very obviously cannot have a MAN in my life...

I point out its MY house, not my partners and then roll out and got my windows at the third place we went to (was out shopping with my sister, DP is bob useless at aiding in sensible decisions!)

Buying an iPad and apple pencil, I checked Currys actually had both in stock before I went.

Arrived there to be told no... no they couldn't let me TRY the apple pencil before buying - I sent him to check with the manager as I had been told I could, and that was why I was buying in person. Total disinterest and very obviously the assumption was that I just wanted to play with it on my nice day out and van drive (all disabled people love a van ride you know) and wasn't buying.

Sales assistant finally reappears, but by this point DP has stopped drooling over cameras and told me the lad had just hidden round the back near the tellys having a witter with his mate and hadn't gone to find a manager at all.

So when he gets to me, I said 'I can't try the pencil can I, because instead of asking your manager, you've just hidden round the back near the tellys for ten minutes ignoring me. I'll buy it online thanks!'

The manager was walking past and heard this, so tried to change my mind (I'm sure they don't think £1200 of my money is particularly important, I suspect he was fearing a complaint email to his head office) but I told him he could try hiring people who WANT to sell things to customers, rather than those who want to put customers off!

Not normally that on point with my retorts but I had had ten minutes to think about it!

I remember many years ago going in to the first class carriage of a train and a woman looking at me and saying ‘This is first class’. I told her I hope so, because that’s what I’ve paid for. She smiled awkwardly and sat down.

I worked in investment backing many many years ago in the 80's, and after 6 months I knew that the more shocking the appearance of both men and women, the greater the investment that would be made. Many were farmers investing hundreds of thousands. In the very smart bank, the very smary staff were super professional and respectful.

I get the impression that some wool shops are run as paying hobbies, to be honest, a place to invite your mates round for coffee and gossip twice a week. There was a get together like this going on in one shop I visited recently, I walked in and round, looking at yarns and none of the half dozen people sitting round a table chatting so much as said hello. So I left and bought what I wanted elsewhere.

In the film Julia Robert’s gets snubbed in a high end dress shop…

I agree with this.

I WFH and look homeless at least 80% of my waking time. I’ve bought a six figure car looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, joined a very exclusive spa health club type place looking the same…. Bought my watch, various other jewellery, turned up to view my house on a total whim (large new builds, drove past, walked in and asked what they had available of the largest plot and house size). I do a lot on a whim, without thinking, planning or dressing ‘appropriately’ because I have a chaotic job, crazy busy life and a perimenopausal inability to forward plan anything.

I’m sure in all of the above scenarios, I’d have been judged as not being able to afford it but nobody ever reacted like that - polite and courteous throughout. Probably behind my back wondering why I didn’t brush my hair more often but their faces never gave it away!

A very wealthy friend had a similar experience, in his wife’s car (still nice though) in his usual jeans and tee. So incensed by the staff he went and collected his floor cleaner from his factory, dressed him in a top end suit, shirt tie aftershave expensive shoes. Sent him to the car show room to ask for a test drive…which he got.
His employee then called his boss with his verdict and told the sales staff they had lost a sale. His boss then arranged for the employees bicycle to be dropped off for him to cycle home.
The employee got to keep the clothes

I was, however, once told that I could not arrange an appointment for a new front door (or shutters possibly, may be misremembering this part) unless my husband was also going to be present, which absolutely blew my mind. And they wouldn’t budge on it.

My husband couldn’t care less what front door, flooring, furniture or anything we have so I haven’t a clue what value he thought he needed to add. Needless to say, I did not order from that company!

I genuinely hope this isn’t true. What a humiliating way to treat his employee!!!

This is true, the employee was very much up for it too! It was a great advantage, he got an expensive suit.

Bullshit

My DD gets pretty woman type moments nearly every shop she goes in.
She absolutely hates getting dressed up, doesn't wear make up , she has a definite 'gypsy' look ,long black curly hair, olive skin. Lovely looking, but lm clearly biased. She is nearly always followed round by security/shop floor staff as a potential shoplifter.
She is successful in her job, great salary, mortgage free since late 30s (in her early 40s now) but she also gets 'the look' when enquiring about anything expensive.

It's not just clothing (sales)people make snap judgements on, though. You might turn up in scruffs splattered with mud, but open your mouth and talk like the Queen which could then give them the impression (rightly or wrongly) that you're 'country posh' and do have money to spend. Or could project an air of self-confidence. Perhaps you turned up at the house developers or the spa in your "six figure car" and/or wearing your expensive watch/jewellery and they clocked those even if the rest of your clothes were scruffy.

Or perhaps they were treating you in the same way as other posters have described, but you're oblivious and didn't pick up on it!

Or, most straightforward explanation of all = just because you haven't experienced something, doesn't mean it's never happened!

This happened to me in a car showroom recently.

Their loss, went to another the next day & ordered what I had gone to buy the previous day.

good customer service is hard to come by nowadays

Well you say that, but we recently had to replace our tired 90s white PVC front door after the entire locking mechanism gave up.

The brightly coloured replacement was 2.5k inc installation from a really nice local company and it really improves the whole look of the house - the Tesco delivery guy complimented it a few weeks ago!

So much of this is dependent on the branch of stores and the individual staff - I’m naturally scruffy and now middle aged and always get lovely friendly service at my local branch of White Company, but not at Seasalt, despite being in the core demographic for both and usually wearing at least one Seasalt item because my coat is from there.

One noticeable change as I’ve aged is Apple. I’ve spent a fortune with them over the years - desktop computers, iPods, phones, iPads, MacBooks, watches - pulled apart and upgraded them in the days when they were built for users to do that. I like my tech. But nowadays I can walk into any Apple Store in the country and spend ages rummaging around something shiny and looking at the back for what ports it has etc and not one Apple employee will approach me any more unless I corner one. I presume middle aged women are not deemed their core demographic. Although funnily enough if I hang around the accessories at the back of the store rather than the expensive stuff at the front I’ll get attention immediately. I can only assume they think I’m a mum buying a case for their kids phone rather than a new toy for me.

25 years ago I tried to get served at the Givenchy stand in Harrods, couldn't get the woman who was doing nothing to interact with me. Which was silly of her as I was a single woman with no responsibilities earning £90k.

Nowadays these women are falling over themselves to serve me whenever I walk past their concession stands but my peri-menopausal sensitive skin means I've stopped wearing make-up 😂

I read the whole of the rest of this post hoping I'd find someone asking who your father is!!

Slightly different, but I was boarding a flight home from Istanbul with a friend once. Both of us late 20s at the time, in leggings/sweatshirts/no make up/backpacks on - definitely dressing for comfort for the flight home.
My friend had BA silver membership (acquired due to multiple work trips) so we were able to board in the priority queue. An older man (probably in his 50s) tapped us on the shoulder and tried to tell us to leave the queue as it was for priority passengers. Clearly our age and outfits weren’t acceptable to him! Definitely a satisfying moment being able to respond “yes we know” and turn back round to our spot ahead of him.

I had exactly this! I looked younger than my age which clearly didn't help.
I asked all the questions but the salesman would only speak to my DH, who doesn't even have a driving license!

Salesman tried to backtrack when my DH said he couldn't drive and I would be the one paying for the car.
I left, and clearly said why. It would have been an easy sale as I had the funds at the time.

Probably also around 25 years ago I spent a few hundred quid on makeup at Harrods, I think it was Estee Lauder. I remember the saleswomen huffing and sighing when I paid in gift vouchers (a Christmas present). I’m still not sure what the issue was and why on earth I didn’t say something!

I’ve had a bit of this today. I went into the building society to change my cash ISA into a stocks and shares ISA. The financial advisor said it was such a small amount that it was ‘complicated’ and wasn’t worth their while as it was ‘only £7k’. I’m furious

I had exactly this! I looked younger than my age which clearly didn't help.
I asked all the questions but the salesman would only speak to my DH, who doesn't even have a driving license!

Similar. My now dh was my new boyfriend then. I was 24, looked 18 and had just had a modest windfall. Enough to buy a brand new small car, and new boyfriend just came along for the ride. It was pure comedy for both of us.

Salesman talking earnestly to dh, brand new car, he assumed the man must be in charge of finances. Eventually, dh had to say "I'm not your customer here, the lady is. She's looking to buy the car, not me" He then ambled off. And so did I.