Financial envy as a single parent

[Hhhr123]

Embarrassed to admit this in real life. Before I get slated that everyone works hard, I do recognise that. However, I spent several years in education with a lot of debt and eventually got into a lucrative career. I met someone who royally screwed me over and although sees our DD, basically leaves everything to me.

DD has started to make ‘proper’ friends at nursery now (almost leaving nursery) which has meant we’ve had some invites to other people’s houses.

There’s no non blunt way to say this but my home is usually not as nice as those I visit and on the face of it these people think me and DD are very well off (based on mine and DD’s dad’s career). Outing if I say what they are specifically.

I just feel a bit… flat? I don’t know really. I’m so aware this is an awful way to feel and I know I need to snap out of this fast. It’s just been hard seeing people in objectively less lucrative jobs with half the stress have immaculate living rooms and massive TVs and plush carpets.. all things I just can’t afford as a single parent so whilst my home is nice it’s quite shabby in places.

The lending ability I guess is greater when there’s two applicants and although my home value wise is worth similar to these people I just can’t afford to furnish it in the same way. Only yesterday I was at DD’s friend’s house and being told they were off on a 4k holiday soon. These things are wildly out of my reach despite being in the top ten percent of earners.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. I know it’s an awful way to feel and material things or flashy holidays don’t matter. I suppose I feel bad for DD, mum has the career but she doesn’t get the benefits, if anything she had a mum very focused on work and panicking about being a sole earner. Self pity isn’t attractive, I just needed to let this out somewhere.

While the children are growing, there is little point in having nice furnishings, what you need is storage, easy to wipe and replace stuff.
So even if you did have the money, you’d be throwing it down the drain really. Mine was 17 before she stopped thrashing stuff, and that included carpets, towels and cutlery.
I would reframe the situation, this is what makes sense at this time. It’s a bit like: but I want to wear Chanel pumps, never mind I need to walk the dog.

Your post has reminded me of a moment thirty years ago with a lovely Mum whose daughter was at my son’s nursery. She was a nurse and a single parent. We had just dropped the kids off at a party in the house of a nursery child in an affluent area and walking down the front steps we both looked at each other. I said what a lovely house and she said yes, I live in a flat and everything I own is old or broken, I’m working on it. I remember saying that material things don’t matter and her child was obviously loved and happy. My husband died ten years ago when my son was 22 - his memories are what he did with his Dad, and how he made him feel. Be kind to yourself x

Great thread and very timely as I was going to post something similar! I bought a new build flat after my divorce (family home had to be sold) and I moved in with DS4. Hes’s 11 now. All my original neighbours have since moved on - met partners and bought their family homes - and I feel like I should be doing this too but I’m 55, a single Mum and just can’t afford it. DS’ Dad moved in with OW and they are still together. They have a large 4 bed house, open plan kitchen, bifolds, beautiful beach holidays every year (you get the picture?) and it is hard not to feel a bit down about it all. The upside is I do still love my flat and not having anyone else in my living space that I have to compromise with or answer to apart from my boy and he’s an absolute joy!

You’re paying much more tax than two people each earning half of your salary That might explain why they seem to have smarter houses.