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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think a real friend would not make hurtful jokes?

30 replies

ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:23

I have a friend I’ve known for around 2 years, we are good friends, but I’m exhausted by the way she treats me, she makes negative comments about my appearance all the time, saying things that aren’t very nice, but always brushing it off with laughter and calling it her love language…

she always wants to hang out and do stuff but I don’t know

AIBU in thinking a real friend wouldn’t be like this?

OP posts:
Henhipster · 09/05/2026 19:25

Drop her, you don’t need this, it sounds awful.

Hatty65 · 09/05/2026 19:26

You barely know this woman, and she's barely a friend. She's someone who likes to have you around to make snipey little digs and put you down to make herself feel better.

Get rid of her.

Roofofthecaravan · 09/05/2026 19:27

Real Friends don’t make you feel crap

let this ‘friendship’ go and hang out with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself not put you down.

life’s too short to tolerate mean people

Somesweetday · 09/05/2026 19:29

She is not your friend OP.
Friends don't say horribe things to each.

It sounds as though she is trying to diminish you either because she is jealous of you or because she thinks making you look small makes her look bigger and better.

Please don't put up with this nasty behaviour OP. Spend your time with other friends or try and make new ones.

RampantIvy · 09/05/2026 19:29

we are good friends, but I’m exhausted by the way she treats me, she makes negative comments about my appearance all the time, saying things that aren’t very nice, but always brushing it off with laughter and calling it her love language…

She isn't a friend. She is a bully. You aren't good friends.
I would cool this "friendship" and pull away. She is belittling you to feel better about herself and than passing it off as a "joke". It is only a joke if you find it funny.

I would cool this "friendship" and pull away.

WhitsunWoods · 09/05/2026 19:31

I had one of these,OP. Put up with it for twenty plus years before I saw sense and dispensed.
It doesn't get any better,believe me- get rid.

SmugglersHaunt · 09/05/2026 19:32

Sounds like a horrible twat. Also sounds like she might be envious of something you have, or she’s jealous. Either way, she’s trying to bring you down to where she thinks you should be

YouOKHun · 09/05/2026 19:32

You’re not good friends because one of you makes the other miserable. That’s what enemies do, not friends. Two years isn’t a long friendship but it is a long campaign of subtle bullying and nastiness to endure, so don’t put up with it, bin her.

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:37

SmugglersHaunt · 09/05/2026 19:32

Sounds like a horrible twat. Also sounds like she might be envious of something you have, or she’s jealous. Either way, she’s trying to bring you down to where she thinks you should be

I’m just worried as she knows everything about me and what she might tell people.

OP posts:
ItsOnlyHobnobs · 09/05/2026 19:40

What are the comments she’s making?

MilkyLeonard · 09/05/2026 19:40

What is it that she knows that is so bad? Unless we’re talking “She knows where I buried my ex’s corpse AND she has a murder weapon with my prints on it” level, I would ditch her.

RampantIvy · 09/05/2026 19:42

So pull away slowly. Be busy. Make stuff up about yourself that you know no-one else would believe.

Ellie1015 · 09/05/2026 19:44

She is not a friend, she makes hurtful comments and you worry she will tell everyone your business, you should be able to trust a friend.

Phase her out is probably the safest way to end friendship if you are worried. Answer texts more slowly be less available to see her so visits get further apart. Hopefully she moves on to someone else.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/05/2026 19:45

There is no "love language" which includes insulting your friends.

Why on earth are you laughing it off? Surely you know this is not friendship. Tell her to give it a rest or get lost.

TigerRag · 09/05/2026 19:46

I had a "friend" like this. Except it related to my disabilities. She has one that I have, manages well and doesn't understand why I don't. The final straw came when I'd found out that I had a serious birth defect. She told me she'd never heard of it and then asked how my parents had no idea how I had it. (Because I had 2 known symptoms which can be genetic and not always the cause of a serious underlying health condition) She would, bizarrely take great pleasure in telling me how the assistance she gets on the train is wonderful and doesn't understand why I struggle so much

I unfriended her. We know each other through a Facebook group. She'd noticed I'd gone quiet, claimed to be worried about me but didn't know how to contact me apparently? The same abelist bullshit continued from her so I just blocked her

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:47

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 09/05/2026 19:40

What are the comments she’s making?

“Ew”, laughing, comments about my clothes, I got a new phone and she practically threw it back to me…

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:48

ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:47

“Ew”, laughing, comments about my clothes, I got a new phone and she practically threw it back to me…

Show quote history

But also she can say really lovely things sometimes and it muddles me up

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 19:53

Wishimaywishimight · 09/05/2026 19:45

There is no "love language" which includes insulting your friends.

Why on earth are you laughing it off? Surely you know this is not friendship. Tell her to give it a rest or get lost.

Actually there is, if both parties are in on it. My friends and I rip the piss out of each other (but would defend each other to the death to an outsider). We are however careful not to step over various lines because we don’t actually want to offend each other.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 09/05/2026 19:58

Look friendship is simple.

If a friend makes you feel good and happy then you've got a real friendship.

If thry make you unhappy, unsure of yourself, confused or annoyed then you don't need them in your life.

Original poster
ThatLilacHedgehog · 09/05/2026 19:59

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 09/05/2026 19:58

Look friendship is simple.

If a friend makes you feel good and happy then you've got a real friendship.

If thry make you unhappy, unsure of yourself, confused or annoyed then you don't need them in your life.

This is perfect, I’m always unsure with her and I’m just going to gradually end the friendship. Thank you

OP posts:
Sprinkleofspice · 09/05/2026 20:01

She sounds awful, you will be well rid. Friends are supposed to build you up and jokes are supposed to be funny

JustSawJohnny · 09/05/2026 20:04

Just back off and let her find someone else to mock in order to make herself feel better.

Life's too short for that shit.

DonewhatIcando · 09/05/2026 20:15

@ThatLilacHedgehog
You deserve so much better than this "friend"
I have a term for people like that - a Smiling Assassin.
She knows stuff about you?
If she tells anyone, deny with a knowing smile "sounds like sour grapes as I've had to take a step back from our friendship"
❤️

DancingOctopus · 09/05/2026 20:18

A real friend wouldn't make hurtful remarks.
I had a " friend" like this all the way through secondary school. Looking back, I don't know why I put up with it. Life has been so much more pleasant without her in it.

NoisyMonster678 · 09/05/2026 20:24

Enemies treat people how this loser treats you OP.

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