AIBU for calling the police but not opening the door at 3am?

[Cantrememberoldusername]

Important information-

i am a single parent to 3 children with special needs and a teenage girl ( she’s more work that the others at the moment)

at 3am today I was woken up by a woman screaming for help and banging on my door asking me to let her in. There was a man with her, I could hear him telling her to calm down. She was screaming and banging then ran off down the street, the man followed her.

i didn’t open the door I called the police.

my friends are split on whether I did the right thing or if I should have let her in.

I’m in a very similar situation to you and I would not have opened the door to any random at 3am. I would have done as you did and called the police to deal with it.

You did the right thing.

It happened to a friend who called the police but didn’t let the woman in. It turned out she had mental health issues and regularly did this. She also had a knife.
Definitely the right thing to do.

I’ve got a teenager and 5 dogs but I still wouldn’t have opened the door OP, you just cannot be sure and your kids safety comes first ..
I would of called the police too.
its easy for your friends to say what you “should “ of done , they weren’t at risk

Nope, sorry, I wouldn't be opening that door, either. People love to shout about helping others in need, but you HAVE to look after yourself and your own kids.

As a pp said, Olivia Korbel's poor mother opened the door to see what was going on outside, and look what happened there.

You're not obligated to help. For all you know, it could have been a scam. Isn't there one similar to this?

I'd assess each situation, rather than have a blanket 'not letting anyone in' mindset.

In your scenario, with the man so close behind her I probably would have done the same as you. If there was immediate threat to someone's life then I'd certainly try to shelter them until the police arrived.

we opened the window and let a woman use our home phone through the window rather than let her in the house!

This happened to me when I was 21. Early hours a woman screaming help and banging my door. I was alone in the house. I looked out the window and didn’t see anyone else. I called the police but didn’t answer the door. After a few minutes I watched her leave my door and cross the street, walk about 10 houses down and she did it again. The owner opened the door and then out of nowhere a man came running and ran into the house also. There was shouting and in less than 2 minutes both the man and woman came running out together. Police did come and did find them later that night. They had taken items from the house they went into and pushed the man who lived there to the ground and had told him to “shut the fuck up”. After speaking with the owner of the house the next day he had a cut on his head (early 60s), a bruised leg and he said they had ransacked his kitchen, took his watch off the kitchen counter, alcohol and took his own knife from the kitchen drawer.

so yes you did the right thing

You are right to not open the door.

Some people force entry, hence why it is important to never open the door, in these bizarre circumstances.

The chances are that the woman was in a drug induced psychosis.

Thank god you kept your door closed with kids in the house.

No way would I let anyone in for reasons people have already stated:

1. This is a common scam to get people to open the door so they can rob you
2. Getting involved in someone else's domestic violence situation can often lead to the helpful stranger getting stabbed/attacked or even killed (this has happened multiple times- eg the awful case of Olivia Korbel)
3. Calling the police is a far better thing to do than bringing literal violence into your actual home.
4. It doesnt matter if you have kids or pets or are a 6 foot 5 man built like the Rock. Noone is obliged to put their safety at risk for an unknown situation or stranger. Calling the police who are trained to deal with these situations is far more helpful

You were absolutely right to not open the door. Surely, the first rule of helping someone is to NOT put yourself in danger?
Calling 999 was the best action to take.

Why didbnt you open the window from the bedroom to see what was happening and if she was ok, youd have kept your family safe and then she could have stayed at the door while the police came. Hope shes ok

I had people aggressively banging on my door in the middle of the night like this a few times. I've call the police but they are never interested

Happened to my mum without the man there. She didn't open the door and called an ambulance. The lady seemed drunk and injured. She's 75 and there is no way she didn't do the right thing. You did too.

Our front bedroom window looks over our porch I would have opened the window and asked if she was ok or ask what’s going on after I phoned the police to try to keep her within view, then hopefully if police turned up she would have been easy to find . I definitely would not have opened the door though, you done the right thing

You did the only right thing.

I was mugged on the street once and hit over the head with a bottle. My friend tried to flag down passing cars to get me to hospital but nobody would stop. I can't say I blamed them really, although it would have been nice to get a good samaritan.

I had similar a few years ago. Young man knocking at my door about 10:30 at night saying he was being followed by a group of men 2 on foot and more in a car. I had a porch with an outer and inner door, so I made sure all the lights were on and let him in the porch with the key to the outer door so he could lock himself in there while I stayed safely in the house, then called the police.

While we were waiting for the police I saw a car cruising slowly up & down the road pausing each time they were by my house, and 2 men walking up & down the street again pausing & looking every time they passed the house.

Police came (lights but no sirens) quite quickly and took the young guy in one car (not restrained in any way) then came in to talk to me; meanwhile the car with the other guys came past again & shot off at high speed when they saw the police car.

I'm a single woman, was 50's then & just starting to become disabled, was told I did the right thing.

You did the right thing. It could’ve been all an act to trick their way into people’s houses, you really don’t know. Or like PP said, he could’ve been armed.

I was taught at a self-defense class, a very, VERY long time ago, to scream “fire” instead of “help” or “rape” so people would investigate out of their own self-interest. The Kitty Genovese case was used as the example that just screaming your lungs out might still accomplish nothing, sadly. Bystander effect is very real and very terrifying.

When I was 9 a neighbour of ours was beaten to death when he opened his door to help a woman in distress. The woman’s boyfriend attacked him when he opened his door to try and let her in. He was in his 70s.

I do not open my door at 3am for anyone.

I would have opened a window and asked what's up. No way would I open the door.

I’d see it differently if the man wasn’t there, but ultimately it would have been difficult to protect that woman, alongside yourself and 3 kids simultaneously in the balance of probabilities if things turned nasty.

I mean, what skills/experience do you have that makes you particularly strong at fighting off a potentially dangerous man in those circumstances, half awake at 3am too? That’s what the police are for.

All you can really do is call them, and provide CCTV if you have it or whatever else they may ask to support their investigation.

You were right to call the police. If she had been alone, I would have let her in. I wouldn't have let her in with a man with her.

OP apologies I only skim read your post, but if your friends who think you should have opened the door are married/living with men, there's your answer.

They don't know how it feels to be a lone female in charge of children and household safety. They don't live with the ingrained "switched on" vigilance that come with having no back up.

You did the right thing (but it's unfortunate that it has come to this. Nonetheless, safety first, always).