AIBU for calling the police but not opening the door at 3am?

[Cantrememberoldusername]

Important information-

i am a single parent to 3 children with special needs and a teenage girl ( she’s more work that the others at the moment)

at 3am today I was woken up by a woman screaming for help and banging on my door asking me to let her in. There was a man with her, I could hear him telling her to calm down. She was screaming and banging then ran off down the street, the man followed her.

i didn’t open the door I called the police.

my friends are split on whether I did the right thing or if I should have let her in.

You did the right thing. It's a common scam

I wouldn’t have let her in. I’ve heard of criminals pulling stunts like this in order to get into a house, rob it, and terrify the residents.

I was in a similar situation once, let the neighbour in & shoved the man when he tried to follow her.
The police arrived quickly, & I was very gently but firmly told not to do it again as they could have 2 injured people to deal with.

Only you saw their body language, the tone of their voice etc so only you know what was right. You went with your gut and put your children first. I just watched this programme where a man took a woman in and she stabbed him to death! You just never know! I think you did the right thing.

Your friends need to watch The Purge

Never let them in!

I have watched too many crime dramas to open the door to a stranger or stop my car for someone who appears in trouble. In those circumstances calling the police is the thing to do.

Your friends who thought you should open the door are morons. You 100% did the right thing.

I don't know what I'd have done. I know I would want to help, but you also have to consider your safety to.

What you did do is you DID NOT do nothing.

And whatever happened after they left your property- I'm sure that you've helped. Someway.

Trust me you did the right thing! Unfortunately people have been robbed by similar and attempts so its good you didn't open the door and contacted the police.

As a young woman I was mugged on a street full
of terraced houses with families, nice middle class area. I screamed my head off. There must have been ten houses in close earshot. Nobody helped me. Some did look out the window though.

That said I probably wouldn’t have opened the door in the situation you described.

Yes in Australia there were cases where people put car seats with fake babies in them by the side of highways so people would stop- who were then promptly relieved of their vehicle when they got out - by the thugs hidden nearby
lucky escape really, given what could have happened to say a lone woman stopping out of concern.
I wouldn’t stop my car even for an apparent dead body on the side of the road - I’d drive into the the next town stop and call police , let alone open the door to anyone of any age or sex, no matter what their circumstances or presentation.

I wouldnt have opened my door to help you even with all my sons home as would them be scared of my house being targeted or having to give evidence later and being targeted that way

Im a social worker and sadly have seen repercussions and very poor outcomes from intervening in ongoing crimes.

Yanbu. You could have put your children and yourself in danger if you'd opened the door.

Women do assault other women and children, so she could have been planning this, thinking you'd be fooled into opening the door if you heard a woman. An abuser in our town recently took the "Myra Hindley" role, as in thinking some people assume only men attack and women are nice.
It's sad to say, but you have to put your own kids first.

I had a motorcyclist walk in to my back garden. He was definitely concussed. I sat him down and told him I'd get him some water, I went inside and called the police/ambulance. They took him to A&E, I tried to see how he was but got nowhere due to not being family.

I would let a female in to my house if I was sure in drugs or alcohol were not involved. I'd hate to be the person needing help one day, or if something happened to DD and nobody helped her.

Probably because a distressed woman was looking for help. Could have been about to be murdered for all we know.

Unfortunately though I agree she did the right thing because you never know what their intentions are. Sad state of affairs when someone banging on the door in distress won't get help because people are too scared of what they might do.

When I was 15, my mum let a young man (20s) who was banging on the door distressed into our home, let him sleep on our sofa. He was very grateful and brought my mum flowers the next day. I remember thinking how nice it was that she helped him, but now I have kids I wouldn't do the same.

I would never allow anyone into my house late at night if I didnt know them no matter what the circumstances. I would offer to call the police for them but thats about all. Ive had men in hi viz jackets try to trick their way into my house pretending to be looking for a gas leak. I didnt believe them and called the police. They quickly left. The police advised me to remove my name from the public electoral roll.

The two times that it has been a true emergency, first responders have arrived at my home under 5 minutes.I know I am lucky to live in a place with such responsive services.

People use decoys to get doors opened. You also have to consider your ability to defuse a situation.

calling the police is almost always the right response.

poor you.
this is why it’s sometimes advised to shout ‘fire fire’ rather than help, as people are more likely to come out to help (and fhe attackers might get weirded out)

Why are your “friends” sticking their oars in? They can decide for themselves what to do when it’s them in the situation. Tell them to bugger off.

could have Been a rouse to get into your house and assault you and rob you! Have you not seen the TikTok video doorbell footage from this happening a lot? Woman bangs on door asking for help and there’s a bloke hiding in the garden waiting for the door to be opened so they can attack the resident?

Intervening in a domestic situation like that is extremely dangerous. My husband's cousin went to the aid of a woman having a dispute/fight with a man. He was killed by the man. I normally scoff at mumsnetters being too scared to answer the door but I woudn't have opened the door at 3 am in this situation. You could have had the pair of them in your hallway - possibly high or drunk and maybe with a knife.

Happens all the time where I’m from. Sadly there’s a massive community in my area known for it where they have someine out the front screaming or crying etc and then someone is at the back of the house trying to get in. I wouldn’t open the door for anyone at all. Even during the day no chance.

Putting physical safety first is one thing (and I would have done the same). You were perfectly reasonable to keep the door closed and call 999. It was probably the best thing you could have done.

However see above - of all things, social workers not intervening as they fear giving evidence.

At our last house a similar situation, I was home with our kids hubby was on night shift..All of a sudden woken around 2am to a woman banging on door shouting for help, I opened a upstairs window to figure and after 2 seconds realised was genuine, I said pop into our garden shed and I will call the police, they arrived within 7 minutes and she came several days later with flowers and wine and told us her ex dh had been arrested with intent to harm with a knife...yes scary but I wouldnt have let anyone in at that time with my kids but was happy to quickly think of an alternative and call for help