Tight SIL

[Nameyuser]

Or is this terrible hosting?

SIL is very well off but every time she invites people over she tasks us to bring something. Tomorrow I'm invited for brunch, she's text me asking me to bring jam. I've just given her £50 for her birthday last week and took her for lunch. I just think it's really tight and rude. Fwiw I never go empty handed but given how often I see her ( and I never ask her to bring anything when I host ) and her shopping list she gives me I just think 'don't bother inviting me then'. Aibu?

Just bring the jam for gods sake, take it home with you if you you’re that annoyed about it…

Its just jam not the whole shebang.
Just take the jam, life's short

I will bring it but I think it's tight and rude. She can have it, i dont need to bring it home but why host if youre going to tell your guests to bring random shit?

This time it's jam, next time it's garlic bread. She has an obsession with everyone mucking in when none of us have suggested the event and she will talk about herself the entire time.

I wish more people did potluck type things. Fosters a sense of community. Wish they'd bring this back for weddings instead of paying a caterer for commercial food at £150 a head.

When we host our guests usually feel the need to not turn up empty handed. Likewise we would take something with us. It's never occurred to me to ask for something specific but I really wouldn't have an issue if the host asked for something. Takes the guess work out of it.

Potluck I'm okay with but this is whenever she hosts anything. It's like she has to boss everyone about. My MIL is having to bring bread for toast, grandmother milk, other sil bacon. She never contributes anything yet hosts it all and the whole time we will have to sit and listen to her brag about her life and self then we all go home. I'm annoyed after taking her for lunch she can't just be a bit more generous.

If she was asking you to bring something expensive or troublesome to make, I’d agree with you, but a pot of jam or garlic bread seems like just a gesture. Could it possibly be to stop people arriving with loads of stuff that’s not wanted?

This has made me roar. "This time it's jam. Next t it's garlic bread".

I do get that but this month alone I've been asked to bring garlic bread, a salad, desserts for a lot of people ( that she then kept for her own family for the week - three trifles, i was livid ), burgers, Pepsi, oat milk and tea bags. It's never ending and each of the times I have visited its been to do her a favour or because she is hosting something that is in aid of herself. It never feels like she genuinely just wants people's company.

How does she force you to attend?

Does she bring anything when she goes to others houses? Sounds more like you don't like her and this is just another thing about her that grates. I assume she's assertive and opposite to you so personality conflict? Doesn't sound fun !

Maybe and that would be fair enough but she wont get anything in despite being able to afford it and actually contributes nothing herself. All the leftovers are kept ( don't want them anyway but not the point ) and she kust seems to gain a day where we all have to sit at her table and be told about her next life update. Nobody else can talk about themselves or ir circles back to her. Ugh I don't want to go to this brunch.

I mean, I kinda see your point here but I guess my immediate question is why are you spending so much time with someone you clearly dislike?

I think you're right. She does but only if told to & she is phenomenally tight and selfish. It was MIL'S birthday near xmas and she wanted to do a shit joint gift working out to £4 per adult in their contribution. I'd already got a gift because I didn't want to be roped into something crap and she was very huffy and quite argumentative about it.

Just don’t go, you clearly don’t like her!

I agree but there's always another event unfortunately and I like the rest of my in-laws!

YANBU. Yes it’s just jam but why can’t she supply her own jam? Can’t stand tight fisted CFs. I’d be tempted to ‘forget’. Wtf is she going to do? Declare a jam emergency? Tell her to get in the real word and buy her own groceries.

I can’t stand these tight CF types. Selfish and entitled.

I’d take the cheapest value Jam you can find and nothing else!

Normally I’m not like this but I’ve seen my fair share of tight Cfs always willing to take but not reciprocate!

Is it mandatory to attend ?

She won't do anything right in your eyes because you don't like her. She doesn't stress you out you stress you out. Some things just don't have to be this serious if you relax and don't focus on her so much you will be less bothered by her. We can all find things we don't like about people if we focus on them instead of focusing on the positives

Jesus just stop going then! You dont like her - fine. Stop attending her bladdy events!

Just turn up empty handed and say 'Oh I forgot the jam'. Job done!

Tea bags?! This reads like you are bringing her bits and pieces of her food shop! I do agree with you... Nice to bring along some cakes or say a bottle of wine etc but unless it was a one off type thing or like xmas dinner, I'd find it odd to be asked to bring something specific everytime.

Turn up and say oh I’m so sorry I forgot

she’s a chancer!! We all know people like this!