Tight SIL

[Nameyuser]

Or is this terrible hosting?

SIL is very well off but every time she invites people over she tasks us to bring something. Tomorrow I'm invited for brunch, she's text me asking me to bring jam. I've just given her £50 for her birthday last week and took her for lunch. I just think it's really tight and rude. Fwiw I never go empty handed but given how often I see her ( and I never ask her to bring anything when I host ) and her shopping list she gives me I just think 'don't bother inviting me then'. Aibu?

If it makes you feel better steal a roll of toilet paper everytime you go round balance things out a bit

Hahahahahahahah if she ever found out she would invoice me. My favourite thing is when her mates make her contribute back. She either doesn't go or moans about it

Are these things for the actual meet up that you all eat. Jam is very random. Are you all having jam sarnies? My friends and I always chip in with snacks if we are meeting up at someone's house. If it's more a formal dinner invite we take drinks and pudding (I do ask beforehand) Mainly it's just we like each others company but it seems like even the company doesnt make it a pleasant time.

Just start doing the same to her when she comes to yours. If she moans point out you have done it for years so it’s unfair she doesn’t do it the other way

@Nameyuser if I received that text, I would have assumed she just forgot to pick it up and won’t have time to go back out before the guests arrive. It makes sense for me to just grab some jam on the way. No problem!

Are you actually the tight one OP? Feeling begrudged spending a couple of pounds on jam having just given her £50 and a free lunch. She could at least spend her own money on the jam ffs! 🤦‍♀️

Why do you just make an excuse and not go at all?

What's the jam for? Toast? Estimate and take that amount in a dish with cling film. Then sil can't keep the whole jar... If she mentions you are tight say so is she for not buying a jar herself.

Hosting is way more hassle. It takes me 2 hours of cleaning before my downstairs is presentable to host. I would way rather bring jam somewhere. The bragging sounds annoying.

Why did you take her out for lunch when you know how tight she is?

You took her out for lunch and gave her a gift of £50. That’s kind and generous. But why? Does she do the same for you?
if not you need to pull back because you’re beginning to get resentful of her.

asda has jam for less than a pound..........or you could buy a pot of rhubarb jam, or actually you could just say that your thought she was joking about bringing the jam.

I had voted yabu but after reading this post I tried to change it but I waited too long. It isn't just jam, it's her being lazy or cheap.
You are not being unreasonable, she is.
Maybe reply with
"Sorry, no, I can't bring jam/bread/milk or bacon, you can order those online for delivery you know."

Take one of those tiny jars of jam that you get at hotel breakfasts 😄

If she was very hard-up/couldn't get to a shop and for some reason couldn't order online, then fine. But is seems strange that she can't do these things.

It's a control thing. __

It feels like she's having people round so they bring her groceries she can then use herself. Really odd behaviour.

She probably crosses things off her shopping list when she gets people to bring things. I would take the cheapest jam/whatever she asks for I could find and give her that - every time!

I would just bring her the cheapest version of anything she asks for. Play her at her own game.

Take a cheap Aldi jam and when you are leaving make sure she sees you put the jam in your bag.

Give her a big smile as you pick it up.

Bring the jame. But stop gifting her and treating her. Simple.