Boys talking about Dd’s private parts-do I contact teacher/parents?

[Fridaynightsarentwhattheywere]

Dd is 7 and often plays with some boys in her class at school sometimes and really likes them
Today in the car home she said that one of them was talking about her private parts and whispering and that the other boy was kind and told Dd. I asked what they were saying and she got angry and said to stop asking her. I asked what she did and she said got angry at him of course. She won’t say more
Am I being dramatic by considering contacting his mum? Is this just a normal thing? Have no experience with this!

Anyone?

Mention it to the teacher on Monday drop off or send an email. Pretty much saying what you've said here, asking for help. Don't confront the parents.

Don't contact the other mother.
Just talk to your daughter and just tell her to tell them not to say things like or she won't play with them.
Yes it isn't nice but they are just curious little boys and this is by no means abnormal or really inappropriate. They are 7.

You've got lots of years of school to get through don't start contacting other parents it never ends well.

Or just talk to the teacher if you prefer

Talk to school

Personally, I would say although it's not nice for your daughter, its typical curiousity at that age, for girls and boys. I found willies very interesting at that age, but only because I didn't have one. I wouldn't read to much into it as far as the individual boy is concerned.

I think you should encourage your daughter to speak up for herself but also have a word with the school as I am sure they encounter this a lot at this age.

I also remember being curious at this age and playing doctors and nurses etc I would not contact the school or the mum.

Thanks everyone, ok so won’t contact the parents, did think that was maybe over the top

Do I email the teacher? If so, what to say and what can/would she do about it anyway? I don’t want Dd singled out in class, I think she’s embarrassed, hence getting cross with me asking. Perhaps I should just leave it

In regards to my Dd, how do I get her to tell me things without her getting cross at me? Is that normal also?

Tell her boys are vile.
Keep that up until she is 21.

Makes for a much less stressful time for you!!
Email the school.. Ime never ever confront a parent. Their little darling will never have done what you accuse them of...

Def email the teacher. I would do tonight. Ours replies over the weekend

it would help to know what was said and was it only about your dd or girls in general.

But what exactly to say without her speaking to Dd? She’ll be cross and I want to keep her confidence for any things in the future, it’s tricky

Ridiculous. I am a girl and boy mum btw

I think I'd take the approach that she is sounding it out with you and so I'd ask open questions like "how did you feel about that?", "so then what happened?", "what do you think should happen next?" Or use a question tone like "oh really?"

Then you can ask without probing and drop it when she's uncomfortable.

Just tell dd when it's about her safety you can't keep things a secret.

I tried but she ended up getting cross and saying why did I have to know everything. She said she already said that the boy just told her that the other boy was whispering to him about her private parts. She’s still little-hate it!

I don’t want to frighten her or make things too heavy, she said that’s all that was said. What was he whispering though and why. Think she’s upset as she really likes him

Just email the school. You DD won’t even know you’ve done it. Just tell them that the boys made some comments about your DD which sound inappropriate. This is a safeguarding issue, for your DD and the boy involved. It’s probably nothing but needs to be looked into. My DD had another girl flashing her in Reception. I phoned school and they were great. Thanked me for phoning and said it was the right thing to do. It was all sorted. I never mentioned it to the mum. Never mentioned it to my DD. Just let the school deal with it.

And so the low expectations of males starts early.

At age 7 they are learning how to treat their fellow classmates kindly, which these boys are not doing. Of course it’s inappropriate for them to he whispering about the girls’ genitals.

As parents our job is to steer boys in the right direction immediately with this sort of behaviour. If it was my son I was want to know so I could have that conversation with him.

That said, I agree about not going to the parent directly and going via the teacher instead.

Just say that dd has told you in confidence that some of the boys were talking about her personal body parts and she didn’t
like it for obvious reasons

that you are trying to find our more info but you wanted to bring it to the schools attention

can the school have a gender’s chat about being kind - not making personal remarks etc

etc - but hard to know what to write as not sure what they said to her

Yes this is it, do I mention the names to the teacher?

I would probably want to mention it to the mum and give her a peace of my mind initially, but then I’d clam down and realise telling the teacher is probably best. I always end up getting DH do write the email or have the conversion though, I’m not level headed enough.

I remember stuff like this at primary school and I always found it so horrible.

This is the time that you support your daughter and learn and understand her. Help her with this situation rather than panicking. What would you want someone to do to help you in this situation. Your daughter’s reaction towards you is showing you that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with you because of your response. What does your daughter need. Love, support, respect and to feel valued and included. Help her. Rather than just report to school and think you’ve done your bit.

In regards to my Dd, how do I get her to tell me things without her getting cross at me? Is that normal also?

It sounds like this is your biggest issue.

How do you react when your daughter comes to you with problems like this? Is your response quite overbearing? You get very emotional and upset and it becomes more about your feelings? Or do you go into "fixer" mode / mama bear mode, without giving her time to breathe? Maybe she just needs to process and take comfort from you, and you're onto the next thing too fast for her.

I have no idea which - if any - of these things might be happening between you and your daughter. But if she turns cross like this and tries to shut the conversation down, despite coming to you with a problem in the first place - then that does suggest she's frustrated with your response. Something you're doing isn't working for her. You just need to pin down what it is and adjust your approach.

Any kind of whispering behind someone's back is toxic behaviour in a school setting.

The subject of the whispering isn't always relevant to the feelings it creates in the victim. It could be comments about her hair or freckles or braces on teeth, etc.

However, in this case, it needs to be addressed. The whispering about this topic isn't ok. Whoever is doing it needs to be flagged and any wider pattern of whispering or untoward interest in the anatomy of other children needs to be addressed.

Children this age are curious about the difference between the sexes.

@Jossse and
@SnoopyPajamas
have made some good points and with those in mind
have you ever tried the

3-3-3 rule
-look for three things you can see
-three things you can hear
-and three things you can physically do like wiggle your toes etc

Doing the 3-3-3 game helps to divert attention if someone is angry or upset and may then help you approach sensitive subjects.

They are 7. At that age they are curious about all kinds of body parts in a perfectly innocent way. Just leave it unless this behaviour persists.