To not know what I’ll do with myself

[StopOttering]

My youngest starts school in September. I’m dreading it 😔 she was born in September 2021, a few weeks after my eldest started school. I have either been pregnant or had a baby/child at home with me since 2016.
I’ve had part time jobs in this time but I’m not currently working and I don’t need to desperately from a financial point of view, I’m also finding jobs are harder to find in my area. I’d like a little job but I worry what we would do in school holidays or if the kids were unwell.
part of me has even thought about if I’d like another child, but I don’t know if it’s just to fill the gap of having a child at home and wanted to feel needed more than wanting a third child, as I’m almost 38 now and much more tired than I was 10 years ago.

anyone else been in this position? What did you do? Thank you.

Wait until the youngest leaves home 😪

Unless you are sending them to boarding school it’s really not that drastic, those hours between 9-3 fly by once in a routine. Find a hobby or term time only part time job (like lunch supervisor at school) and enjoy a little more time to get things done

I've just worked out I've been doing primary school runs for 33 years. I can't bloody wait unto July and it comes to an end! I'm thinking nice breakfast before work /long ddog walk /lie in!

How about looking after another baby/child?

Perhaps you could do some volunteer work or join a hobby club to fill your time. Your childs school might even have a positive available such as a crossing guard or dinner lady, something that works around school hours.

If you don't need to work from a financial point of view, then don't. There are all sorts of ways to fill your time if that's what is important to you. How about volunteering? Or learn a craft? You could learn something interesting and then sell the results? People do crochet and then sell at craft fayres.

You'll fill the time, the day goes faster than you think. If you're really stuck you could volunteer. You could even go into school and listen to reading. I can remember feeling the same years ago but personally I enjoyed having time to myself. Starting running with another school mum, going out for lunch etc.
. Good luck.

Work is overrated not too many people love theirs . School is such a short day I find at primary level. Add in holidays, inset , and it's not that much . If you don't have to work it's lovely for the kids to be able to be home . Only thing I would urge is to ensure your budget includes putting money aside for a pension for yourself.

Primary school is like a long work meeting. As soon as you’ve hoovered and made a cup of tea it’s over. I’m self employed and school hours are my main working hours and it’s SUCH a short day. I promise you won’t be bored or aimless if you’re not working. I wish I could afford to rest during some of those breaks rather than work like the clappers.

I found the day went really quickly. I would try to make sure all the chores and cooking were done so we could have a relaxed afternoon/evening once they got home. I found there were so many school events, inset days, holidays etc so I always had a lot to do. I wouldn't have another baby just to fill the gap...they will grow up too and you'll end up in the same situation just at a later point

Take up pilates, hosting and cocktail making

Live your best life!! ❤️

I studied part-time for the first couple of years. Now I work freelance and keep school holidays free.

If money is ok, then, as others have said volunteering can be very rewarding. We have one friend, who is now over 80, but has been a bereavement counsellor for 30 years, others have been on committees for the local hospice, another on the board of the committee that runs a huge annual event. Care home, senior and children often neen volunteers to accompany their residents to take them out, and if course there are all the charity shops if you like retail. With young children, you would probably be welcome at your nearest childrens hospice. We have 2 local theatres that run on volunteers, our local parks now have volunteer gardeners, so there is work to suit any skill set. And it is very rewarding.

From when I was a sahp you literally start cleaning, then someone’s forgotten something or you need to drop something somewhere, bring someone to an appointment then it’s time to collect. People act like you sit about twiddling your thumbs but you don’t. And I generally get a phone call from the school once every two weeks to go in/ collect someone. You’ll be fine!!

Get all your jobs done in those few hours, work out, take up a hobby. The time will fly and you’ll be fresh and able to be the best mum you can when they are back. You still have a long afternoon/ evening with them every day.

you can keep weekends free of drudgery and really enjoy them.

At 38 I wouldn’t risk trying for another when you have two healthy young children.

At your age I’d have got a job but as a family it works for all of you if you don’t and it’s your preference then don’t. Do you have a pension money could go into and would your household finances cover that?

I understand, it's really hard isn't it. I'd get a part time job to fit school hours but I understand how sad it is.

I had a part-time job at my kids' school which was pretty perfect. I gave it up last year as one of my kids had some medical stuff going on and I wasn't reliably there when needed. Since then I have felt a bit of a spare part at times at home. However, I'm very grateful I'm home for afternoons, holidays, when they are poorly, etc, so overall I wouldn't change it.

I meant to add: the only people I know who work and have the flexibility I have around pick ups, holidays etc are freelancers.

I am always intrigued when people say 'at X age I wouldn't risk it' how high they think the risk at age 38 really is relative to in this case a pregnancy at 33. I've had a quick look and found an Australian University study where it shows the risk of any genetic abnormality comparing a pregnancy at 20 to a pregnancy at 38 is less than 1% difference and a less than 1% risk overall at all ages between 20 and 38. In the case of the OP the risk of a genetic abnormality was 0.35% with her younger child compared to 0.79% if she got pregnant right now before turning 38 (and at 38 it will still be below 1%).

My youngest is also starting school in September. I'm not planning to work in any significant capacity. I'm planning to get all our little snagging list of DIY done, go to the gym every day, shop and cook for nice meals, volunteer to hear the little kids read at school, carry on volunteering for the village charity, running our elderly neighbour around once a week etc etc. I might even read the odd book. 😂

I completely understand where you are coming from. It's such a massive transition! You spend years running around, and suddenly they reach an age where they are more independent and you're left wondering who you are outside of being a mum. Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to not know right away. Maybe start small by carving out an hour a day just for an old hobby or even just enjoying a hot cup of tea in peace, and see where it leads. Sending hugs!

The time will go quicker than you think.

I'm not telling you that you have to work, but don't let illness or school hols put you off. There are term time only jobs, and all around you will be single parents and families with 2 working parents who all make the holidays work. They muddle through and you can too. I worked 3 days a week which dealt with 40% of hols at a stroke, and a combo of DH leave, my leave and the odd few days of holiday club sorted the rest. Holiday clubs are opportunities as well as childcare. My children have done outward bound stuff, sailing, gymnastics & dance with their usual teachers, coding, music, trampoline park.

I volunteered. I also went to the gym, had a routine of daily chores, sometimes met a friend or had them over. It’s surprising how fast those hours go by.

I'm in the same position but I'm 33, eldest in Y3, youngest starting school and since June last year I have thought about having another every single day. I thrive being a mum and being busy I honestly don't know what to do. But then I think three

And I work 20 hours a week! I just love raising little ones but my husband works shifts so I would be by myself sometimes in the evenings but I'm kind of used to it now. I just want someone to make the decision for me because for me it's either now or never ..