Page 2 | Grandparents taking one child out

ginasevern · 07/05/2026 18:08

They can't handle him at this age and they shouldn't have to. I also assume the cousins are about the same age as your DD, in which case a much younger child will upset the balance of their little outing. You can't expect your 2 children to always be equal in everything. Life doesn't work that way and it will inevitably mean holding one of them back at some point, or preventing them from having fun. Take your son out whilst your DD is with her grandparents and tell him that in a few years he will be able to go with them.

CantMakerHerThink · 07/05/2026 18:09

I have 4 grandchildren. 5,3,2,1. The two year old is very likely autistic ( runs in our family line) and while I love them deeply, nothing could inspire me to take all 4 for an activity at the same time. I often take the eldest 2 and a cousin for a day out to say …. The cinema or a park. But I’m not taking all 4 of them as I just couldn’t cope. I’ve taken the eldest away for a week and I will do that with the other kids when it’s practical. But if you want me to take the babies then the parents absolutely have to be there to do damage control.

Thechaseison71 · 07/05/2026 18:16

I take one DGC out and not the other 3. Age thing as the 3 others ( from 2 dds) are all preschool

Reallyneedsaholiday · 07/05/2026 19:50

Why don't you just talk to them about it. Not a "if you don't take DS then you can't take DD" way, but just a "why don't you pop in on Tuesday afternoon and we could take DS to the park together for an hour. I know he'd love to spend some time with you"

elledee412 · 07/05/2026 19:53

Its likely the age, his and theirs. My grandparents started taking my brother and and I for overnights and day trips when we were 4-5 (we’re 13 months apart) but they were only in their early 50s at the time.

By the time my youngest sister was school age, they were in their 60s and didn’t really take her anywhere without my mom and I don’t think she ever stayed the night there.

When my sister was 4 and I was 14, my dad was hospitalized for 9 days and my grandparents stayed with us while my mom was with my dad and it was a disaster. My sister was only in part-time preschool so by the time I got home from school at 2:15 she was absolutely coming apart at the seams every day. There’s a reason we don’t have kids in our 60s!!

TomatoSandwiches · 07/05/2026 20:00

Please don't take this away from your DD, as the eldest she had to make room for her little brother coming along and share everyone with him, this is her little bit of time being the focus with her grandparents and cousins.

I would however mention to the GPs that your DS has started to notice he doesn't get to go and ask if they may take him out when he starts school or if it's in their plans sometime in the future so you can reassure him he is in line for some attention aswell.

It's perefctly ok for grandparents to do things like this, some of my favourite memories are of having days like this with my nan.

outerspacepotato · 07/05/2026 20:15

You're thinking about holding your 7 year old back from doing things with family because her 3 and a half year old bro gets upset? Seriously? That's very unreasonable.

Your kids aren't joined at the hip nor should they be. Your daughter benefits from interacting with cousins and dinner out that your 3 and a half year old couldn't manage independently. He likely needs more supervision and care than they want to provide with multiple other kids along.

Your son isn't always going to get to do what he wants. Don't instill that entitled mindset by stopping your daughter from doing age appropriate activities with her cousins and grandparents.

Delici · 07/05/2026 20:19

How often?

We have ours together but also separately so they get to do age appropriate things and get to have just time with us/with parents.

Maybe they won’t take him to dinner but could do something else with just him? Do they know that he’s noticed?

TokenGinger · 07/05/2026 20:24

YABU. Let your daughter enjoy. My DS is (very almost) 7, DD is 3. My dad does exactly this with my DS. My DS has so much patience when it comes to his sister. He understands that a lot of the time, 1-1 with him can be difficult because of the attention his younger sister needs.

I am incredibly grateful that my dad and step mum pick him up and give him the quality time he deserves.

Not only that, she can be difficult to handle. I know my dad doesn’t have it in him to look after a toddler and I don’t expect it, either. I’m sure once my DD hits 6 (the age he started taking my son), he’ll be comfortable taking her, too.

PurpleCoo · 07/05/2026 21:23

I think that makes perfect sense. Understandable for them to not want to take the little one out with them for an older child activity when the cousins are a similar age to your daughter.

I think it's completely normal for siblings to have different experiences. My grandson has younger half siblings that aren't related to me. My circumstances are very different to the parents and other grandparents, so my grandson gets to experience multiple holidays a year with me, and I will eventually take him abroad, this might include Florida/Disney/Universal etc and/or traveling around Asia when he is a bit older. His siblings will never experience that, but no one thinks my grandson should miss out on experiences just because his siblings won't have the same opportunities. I know it's a different situation to what your family is in. But it's just a clear example of when it's entirely appropriate for siblings to have different experiences

WelshFlyer · 07/05/2026 21:50

Same ages and age gap here. Sometimes older child gets to do things that younger one doesn't. This includes staying with grandparent during school holidays whilst little one stays home and attends regular nursery. I try to make the most of 1:1 time.

Treating children fairly does not always mean treating them the same.

Sprogonthetyne · 07/05/2026 21:59

I don't think taking a 3yo out for dinner would be enjoyable for anyone. Would they be open to doing occasional 1:1 thing with DS, like taking him out for a couple of hours while SD is at school

Nofeckingway · 07/05/2026 22:09

I'm surprised he wants to go out to dinner with them at all . Unless it's somewhere like McDonalds. My parents wouldn't take my DCs anywhere else without me as too hard to deal with .

abbynabby23 · 07/05/2026 23:56

girlmummy25 · 07/05/2026 17:13

So I have 2 children, my girl is nearly 7 and my boy is 3.5.
My MIL & FIL will offer to take my girl to dinner after school with her 2 older cousins however, my son never gets invited. Im guessing because of his age.

it started about a year ago so I understood he was still young and probably a bit harder work so I used to just let me girl go with them however, now he is that bit older he recognises that my girl is getting taken out by the grandparents and he isnt.

AIBU to now tell grandparents that DD cant come as DS is getting upset seeing her leave with them?

He is 3.5!!! Makes sense. If I were them, I wouldn’t either. They are taking out a 7 year old plus two older kids. Why should they have a toddler there? With the older kids you can actually talk etc, with a 3.5 year old you pretty much babysitting. Don’t be a drama queen!

Pistachiocake · 08/05/2026 00:39

If you explain they're upsetting him, they should sort this out themselves. If their health isn't good enough to take both out, they could just take him sometimes (with support if need be, maybe from another family member).

WeatherOrNothing · 08/05/2026 01:23

I have a 3.5yo and it’s such hard work. I don’t think the GP are doing anything wrong especially if there’s older cousins too. That’s a lot of kids to be managing without a toddler in tow.

Tourmalines · 08/05/2026 01:49

My goodness , leave your daughter be and let her have some fun with her grandparents and cousins . That is so special and something that should not be taken away from her just because her younger brother is too young to tag along . You should be telling your young son that now is just you and his time. You can actually fix this.

cantgardenintherain · 08/05/2026 09:31

They probably can’t handle him. Time will change things.

Usernamenotav · 08/05/2026 11:27

If they can't handle both of them they should take it in turns. I wouldn't see my child be left out lile this so yea, tell them it's both/alternated or none

MNTouristhere · 09/05/2026 08:02

You need to teach both children that the differences in their ages mean both differences in things they are able to do and in the expectations of what they neeed to do. Explain to them both that when older your son may get to go on outings he’s a little young for yet but in the meantime grandparents would love to spend time with him - doing Lego or whatever his thing is. By same degree daughter as older is expected to make her own bed or similar..
i have a very spoilt sister who is 6 years younger than me and parents never wanted to upset her by treating us differently so for years I had to go to bed at same time as her, one year when I was 10 i
even got same Christmas present as her - a doll pram, to ensure she didn’t get upset and want what I had got.
sister is now a 50 year old consumed with herself and we have a terrible relationship.

cocog · 09/05/2026 08:19

Ask them how old he will need to be before they can manage the 4 of them and tell him he will need to be 6 (for example) before he can go too he will know he’s not being left out permanently and they know your expecting them to take him too eventually.

Roselilly36 · 09/05/2026 08:23

Have a conversation with them, explain he is getting upset about it, and see what they say.

borntobequiet · 09/05/2026 08:31

YABU. It’s quite obviously his age, and it’s your job to manage his expectations. Why deprive your daughter of her time with grandparents and cousins in a misjudged interpretation of what is fair?

Kingdomofsleep · 09/05/2026 08:39

Really surprised by these responses. We are really firm that our two have to be treated equitably - so if dd gets taken out to dinner, ds should get some equivalent grandparent time - it could be age appropriate like the soft play. Anything else looks like favouritism. They'll get into a pattern of it and it won't ever balance out.

My ILs are really good at this but my own DM has to be reminded and yes I will sometimes decline gifts for my dc1 when she only buys for her and not dc2. I will ask her to keep the gift unless/until she gets something for dc2 too.

Favouritism is damaging for the favourite child as well as the non-favourite child. I have no regrets about declining gifts for one child unless there's something equivalent for the younger one.

It's nonsense to say "no doubt they'll start treating the younger one equally when he's older". By then there just won't be a relationship and DS won't even want to go. And anyway a 10yo is easier than a 6yo, a 14yo is easier than a 10yo... it'll never end unless you're firm about it now.

Kingdomofsleep · 09/05/2026 08:43

It sounds like dd is a similar age to her cousins, and ds is younger. Well that will always be the case. So they'll use that as an excuse forever to exclude DS - the older ones will all be teens before he is, so he won't enjoy xyz... it'll never end unless you make it clear it's not OK.

In my family, every parent had a favourite. I was my mum's favourite. My Dsis was my dad's. My grandma's favourite was her DS1 (my uncle). She also had a favourite grandson. It was openly acknowledged. I can tell you, it is toxic to have favourites.