Should I go to a wedding alone with a 10-week-old?

[EOME]

Hi everyone,

I’m a fourth time mum and just looking for a bit of kind advice please. I have been invited to a wedding (bride is a lovely person I went to school with- we are now in our 30’s and I don’t see her often as we don’t live in the same place.) When I asked, the bride told me that it’s only me invited and not my husband as they are only inviting both people in a couple if they’ve both met them.

She told me that they are not having kids there which is fair enough but that she’s happy to make an exception for me to go as I’ll have a babe in arms (so that’s kind of her.) Little one will be 10 weeks old and I’m just in a real predicament about whether to go or not as firstly, I feel a bit sad that my other half isn’t invited and secondly, I feel it’s quite an effort to go to wedding alone with a tiny person!

I went to a wedding when one of my other children was a similar age and I was a bridesmaid about 4 years ago. My husband was invited to that one and so I felt supported by him.

What would you do? Should I:

1. Go to just the ceremony part in church and then make a swift exit?

2. Go to all of it?

3. Excuse myself and not attend at all?

Am I being really silly and overthinking this and should I make the effort to go for at least a bit of it?

Thank you and sorry for the long read!

I'd go with the baby. Will you have other friends there? I'm sure there will be others willing to hold the baby if you need a hand.

How far from home is the wedding?

I never understand couples celebrating their own marriage, only inviting one half of a married couple. Maybe it's just me. though.

Tbh never heard of only one being invited lol so I find it odd your other half wasn't invited..I've been to loads either in my side or his and partner always invited so based on that I wouldn't go tbh

If you live close enough, go to the ceremony only, with or without the baby. Otherwise decline. That sort of social event on your own with a young baby isn't going to be easy or fun.

It sounds a bit weird to have a wedding with solo guests who are actually in their own marriage.

If local, I’d go to the church and buy a nice gift but go not the whole day. A whole day wedding with a 10 week old breastfeeding baby sounds uncomfortable and exhausting..

I would just decline. Not inviting spouses to a wedding is rude. If the couple really wanted you there, they wouldn’t have issued the invitation this way.

The exception would be an extremely small wedding, perhaps less than 10 people. If you are an old friend and don’t see her that often, it’s unlikely the wedding list is that tight if you made the guest list.

I find it rather strange that your husband isn't invited because they haven't met him. Ive been invited to a wedding with my husband and ive never met the bride or groom as he is a work collegue. I think they could make an exception knowing you need him there to help with the baby. I would decline.

I would give it a miss, I can't imagine finding that particularly enjoyable with a little baby.

At baby number 4 I feel l you'll have a better feeling for how you'll find this than most!

I actually think it could be quite nice? Not the same as being a bridesmaid and you can be much more flexible in terms of when you pop out. If you will have other old friends there I'd go for as much as you can manage on the day. If you really will be on your own in terms of not knowing anyone, then the ceremony is plenty.

Weddings are so tedious, I'd jump at the excuse not to go!

Yes she has agreed but they don't want children no matter how polite they are being, so no dont take a child no matter what age

Stay home, send a card. Job done.

Is she the sort of person who'd be understanding if you accepted for the whole thing but had to duck out at the last minute? (Birth complications, baby not settling easily etc). If yes and you actually want to I'd go for the whole thing. If not and she's the sort of person who'd sulk/send you an invoice for the missed meal then I'd decline.

If getting there isn’t too much of a faff, I’d just go and stay for as long as felt doable - which might be longer than you think. Does depend on how your baby is generally. I had screamy vomity ones which would have been challenging, but my DGD would have been no trouble.

I had my 10 week old baby at my sisters wedding and even though DH was there the wedding was ruined for me by a cluster feeding moaning baby! I spent nearly all the wedding by myself as it wasn't fair to the bride to inflict the crying baby on her.
I wouldn't go.
Your baby might be great and sleep the whole time but you will still be the one doing everything by yourself.

Option 3.
If she was truly being "nice", she'd make the exception to her self-imposed rule of only half a couple being invited, and include your DH.

I'd just go to the whole thing, unless it's very far away? 10 weeks is a good time ime, they'll be happy in a sling and you'll be feeling more yourself. But I am also happy going to things without DH! I wouldn't waste time on being offended about the invite, obviously they want people there who are actually friends.

I'd go if I wanted to and not if I didn't. It wouldn't have been difficult with a 10 week old in my case but all babies are different. So if the seeking difficulty outweighs the desire to go don't go. And vice versa.

There's nothing else you need to take into consideration.

Why? can women not be invited to events without the need of a chaperone?

If you think you'll enjoy it with the baby at 10 weeks old, I'd go. You might see lots of old school friends and it could be a good night. If your DH is up to it, maybe he could drive you there and back, hang out nearby and give you some support/take the baby for a while if you want him to, etc. Might be hard with 3 other DC if you don't have a babysitter, though.

But I wouldn't go just to support the bride if you don't think you'll enjoy it. Only inviting one half of a couple has its place, but it's not an invite intended to make your day particularly great so I don't think you have to put in as much effort to show your support as would be natural if they'd invited you with your DH.

If you think of your DP as a chaperone, I can see why you might not understand why someone would miss theirs at a social even designed to celebrate love and commitment. But most people do not see the love of their life in this manner.

I may just be a female but I am perfectly capable of going to events on my own, we are not joined at the hip so no a chaperone is the last thing I think of in a husband

Not everyone wants to share one of the happiest days of their lives with strangers, they’d rather give that spot to a friend or family member

How far away is it?

From your post it sounds like you don’t want to go, so don’t.

YABU to be ‘sad’ about her decision not to invite your H.