Should I go to a wedding alone with a 10-week-old?

[EOME]

Hi everyone,

I’m a fourth time mum and just looking for a bit of kind advice please. I have been invited to a wedding (bride is a lovely person I went to school with- we are now in our 30’s and I don’t see her often as we don’t live in the same place.) When I asked, the bride told me that it’s only me invited and not my husband as they are only inviting both people in a couple if they’ve both met them.

She told me that they are not having kids there which is fair enough but that she’s happy to make an exception for me to go as I’ll have a babe in arms (so that’s kind of her.) Little one will be 10 weeks old and I’m just in a real predicament about whether to go or not as firstly, I feel a bit sad that my other half isn’t invited and secondly, I feel it’s quite an effort to go to wedding alone with a tiny person!

I went to a wedding when one of my other children was a similar age and I was a bridesmaid about 4 years ago. My husband was invited to that one and so I felt supported by him.

What would you do? Should I:

1. Go to just the ceremony part in church and then make a swift exit?

2. Go to all of it?

3. Excuse myself and not attend at all?

Am I being really silly and overthinking this and should I make the effort to go for at least a bit of it?

Thank you and sorry for the long read!

I wouldn't go. The whole things sounds really unwelcoming. Not inviting partners is really rude...and it's a child free wedding so I wouldn't take a baby even if they say it's fine. Give it a swerve

Only go if you want to. Not inviting your husband is rude and being with a ten week old at a wedding solo is likely to be hard so I think absolutely okay to decline.

If it's local I'd go. sit at the back of so you can nip out if you need to & either skip the reception or play it by ear. I'd be very open with the bride and ask if they'd prefer you to decline reception in case you needed to leave early & empty space at dinner.

I wouldn't travel any distance for a wedding in that scenario.

Depends on travel and who else will be there for me. I have no problem with spouses not being invited if they don't know them and aren't family. I've been to loads of colleagues weddings like this. I'd think it was really sad if someone could only invite half their friends so that they could fit in spouses they barely know, who probably wouldn't enjoy it much anyway if they don't know many people. She obviously does want you there or she wouldn't be flexible about the baby coming, so ignore people saying she doesn't.

However, it will be hard work on your own unless you have good friends who will help you out holding baby etc, and also probably not much fun unless you have friends you want to see. It's also probably not worth travelling a long way as that adds stress and there's always the chance if baby is very fussy you'll want to leave.

If it is close perhaps you could consider if only going to part of it would work.

If it was a good friend I’d go with the baby but it would depend on the baby. At 10 weeks my baby was a breeze and we did lots of solo travel (to see family in another country) from 6 weeks.

1. It's rude not to invite the spouse.
2. You know full well what it's like with a 10 week old baby. It's not the time to socialise with a room full of drunk strangers on your own!

It depends on how the baby is and how long you’d like to be there.

Enjoying going places with your partner or even, as I was actually commenting on - not seeing them as a chaperone - is not the same thing as being incapable of going somewhere on your own.

Your narrow rhetoric is hyperbolic and ridiculous.

Is it local?
Do you intend to breastfeed? (or could you leave the baby with your DH)

These factors would influence my decision.

Personally I wouldn't go on my own with a baby if no other mothers I knew would be there with small children. You will just be stuck with a baby at a child-free event.

ETA - actually it probably isn't local as you say you don't live in the same place.

Unless there are loads of your other friends there I probably would just decline.

I took mine to a wedding at 8 weeks and it was all lovely. DH was there but it would have been fine without - the main time he was needed was to hold her while I ate, but I'm sure anyone else on the table would have taken her. However it was a fairly relaxed family-friendly reception, which may have made a difference - it might be a bit different if it's the sort of wedding where people are taking advantage of not having the kids there to get plastered.

(Originally my husband was going to attend alone - or possibly not at all - as the date was 2 weeks after due date. When DD arrived prematurely, the bride got in touch to ask whether we'd like to all three come after all.)

Is it local? Could you ask if you could confirm nearer to the wedding date? We only had to confirm our final numbers 2 weeks beforehand (hotel reception). Might be best if you can wait and decide nearer the time. I don't see the issue with not inviting partners. At least 10 week old should hopefully sleep most of the time in a sling or pram.

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