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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Start Setting Rules?

41 replies

Rochelaise18 · 06/05/2026 23:47

A long time friend recently moved into my house following a break up of their relationship. I don't have too many issues with sharing my house, the second bedroom was just sitting round doing nothing and it means I'm not perfecting the art of talking to myself after work.
That said, my friend has a habit that is starting to annoy me: They often take stuff from the fridge and then leave it out, meaning it needs to be thrown if I don't discover it until I get home from work on nights as I have no way of knowing how long it's been sitting in a warm room (for all I know, my friend got it out of the fridge the previous morning while I was sleeping off the last night shift). I've not wanted to say anything as I didn't want to make my friend feel like I was nit picking. However, it's bugging me because I usually only do a couple of food shops each month and each shop should last at least a couple of weeks. Now I'm having to do extra shops because my friend has left food that needs to be kept refrigerated on top of the tumble dryer while it's in use or decided they're ordering take away so otherwise good food I ordered at their request goes out of date.
Would I be unreasonable to put some rules in place like "If you take it out of the fridge, please put it back" and "can we try not to order take away when there's plenty of food in". I want my friend to feel at home, but it sometimes feels like they're doing this because it's my money paying for the food.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 06/05/2026 23:49

I hope your friend is paying you some rent money.
If not they need to either start paying or look for somewhere else to live.

DilemmaDelilah · 07/05/2026 06:55

The answer would be for them to buy their own food. Clear them a shelf in the fridge and in a cupboard and ask them to do that. That way any food wasted will be their own.

Steelworks · 07/05/2026 07:31

Not unreasonable at all.

I see it’s your money that’s paying for the food ( and bills and mortgage/rent). I would think carefully about this arrangement. I know you’re being helpful to a friend, but if you’re not careful, she’ll be therefore ever, and you’ll resent paying for everything. Is she working? Making any plans to find somewhere to live etc? I would perhaps give her up to a month, or three at most, and then start actively help her to move on.

Rochelaise18 · 07/05/2026 12:05

Thanks everyone. I always feel bad when I impose limits with friends and family, but I also know that, if I don’t, there’s going to be much screaming (hopefully not at work) before long. Once friend has a job/more stable income, I’ve already suggested they can start paying for a grocery shop, which they’re fine with. I’ll likely also ask for a contribution towards the bills so they’re at least paying their way. Friend is looking at maybe moving out eventually, but it’s an expensive area for rent. If you hear a loud scream coming from a northerly direction in the next year, you know I lost my last bit of patience.

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 07/05/2026 12:07

I wouldn't be buying any food for them, and say that. Surely they can claim some benefits if not working?

Shedmistress · 07/05/2026 12:10

So you are basically supporting them with food, bills and a place to stay and they don't have the ability to just put food back into the fridge?

And you expect them to hold down a job and start paying their way at some random point in the future? Good luck with that!

Mix56 · 07/05/2026 12:19

This last comment says it all.
She is completely taking the piss with leaving food out

LightYearsAgo · 07/05/2026 12:21

Why are you doing the shopping and paying for food for another adult? That's bonkers, especially one who doesn't appear to know how to adult

2dogsandabudgie · 07/05/2026 12:24

I think you're being taken advantage of. So your friend doesn't have a job? Or does she only work part time?

Slightyamusedandsilly · 07/05/2026 13:17

Just buy your own food and she buys hers. You can still offer to cook for her if you want to.

You're already doing her a massive favour, letting her move in. No need to feed her too. Tell her you can't afford double the groceries. But then tell her she's welcome to share your food if you cook sometimes.

If she can't take that well, you might need to look at her moving out sooner rather than later.

Moltenpink · 07/05/2026 13:22

Why is everyone saying she/her? Sounds like a useless bloke to me!

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 07/05/2026 13:24

You're housing them for free, the least they can do is buy their own food.

I think you're being taken advantage of here.

Legomania · 07/05/2026 13:24

(Assuming friend is a man as they are a they in the post). If he can afford takeaway he can afford to do some food shopping!

Putting food back in the fridge is very basic stuff and someone who can't or won't do this is likely to abuse your hospitality in a variety of ways.

outerspacepotato · 07/05/2026 13:26

Tell them to buy their own food and stop wasting yours.

Tel12 · 07/05/2026 13:29

They really should be contributing now. You need to set boundaries and rule, they should be paying for their own food immediately. I doubt they'd ever consider moving with the current situation.

HedgehogMugs · 07/05/2026 13:30

LOL - they can claim JSA and pay for their own food.... simple.

CheekyBlueKoala · 07/05/2026 13:30

Letting your friend stay is one thing but you shouldn't be feeding them too. They are taking advantage. If they can afford to order take-aways then they can afford to do their own food shop.

HedgehogMugs · 07/05/2026 13:31

"or decided they're ordering take away"

WAAAAAIT - they have enough money to order take away but are paying your fuck all - not even a contribution to the food shop???

They saw you coming 😂

HedgehogMugs · 07/05/2026 13:32

2dogsandabudgie · 07/05/2026 12:24

I think you're being taken advantage of. So your friend doesn't have a job? Or does she only work part time?

the friend has money, they've been ordering themselves takeaways....

FlatErica · 07/05/2026 13:35

They’re taking the piss. I assume this is a bloke?

RaininSummer · 07/05/2026 13:38

They saw you coming. Free housing and food?

Steelworks · 07/05/2026 13:52

Cocklodger alert!

CeffylCoch · 07/05/2026 17:02

Why haven’t you said anything? It’s annoying you and costing you money - speak up!

Credittocress · 07/05/2026 17:12
tyler the creator idgaf GIF

There’s no way I’d be finding a job in this situation…they have it made.

GasPanic · 07/05/2026 17:13

Your friend will be going nowhere while they get life on the cheap.

Unless you kick them out that is.

Edit : I would probably be giving them a strict limit on how long they can stay.

No doubt you will then get moaned at for being mean for not letting them stay for free for ever, rather than being thanked for providing them with free housing for X weeks.