To Start Setting Rules?

[Rochelaise18]

A long time friend recently moved into my house following a break up of their relationship. I don't have too many issues with sharing my house, the second bedroom was just sitting round doing nothing and it means I'm not perfecting the art of talking to myself after work.
That said, my friend has a habit that is starting to annoy me: They often take stuff from the fridge and then leave it out, meaning it needs to be thrown if I don't discover it until I get home from work on nights as I have no way of knowing how long it's been sitting in a warm room (for all I know, my friend got it out of the fridge the previous morning while I was sleeping off the last night shift). I've not wanted to say anything as I didn't want to make my friend feel like I was nit picking. However, it's bugging me because I usually only do a couple of food shops each month and each shop should last at least a couple of weeks. Now I'm having to do extra shops because my friend has left food that needs to be kept refrigerated on top of the tumble dryer while it's in use or decided they're ordering take away so otherwise good food I ordered at their request goes out of date.
Would I be unreasonable to put some rules in place like "If you take it out of the fridge, please put it back" and "can we try not to order take away when there's plenty of food in". I want my friend to feel at home, but it sometimes feels like they're doing this because it's my money paying for the food.

OP, you are doing a very kind thing. And I know what you mean about rents being really high and your friend not able to afford to rent somewhere.

BUT - they do need to buy their own food. They are living rent and bill free and if they aren't paying for anything at all they are going to find striking back out on their own is twice as hard. By making them pay for their own food you sort out the major irritation you are suffering as they only waste their own stuff, and helping them not fall into a total dependence that they will find it VERY hard to break out of.

Just ask them not to do it and even put a note in kitchen not to leave things out.

The first time they left something out I'd think it was an oversight but the second time I would have said something. It doesn't need to be confronting, just a gentle reminder. My teen and his friends often used to leave the bathroom door open when I had a dehumidifier in use. I politely told them and explained why. After a few times still leaving it open I put a notice on the door 'Close the feckin door!'. It worked.
Also OP, now is the time to say that they buy all their own food. You could phrase it 'I notice you leave food to waste and get takeaways, so from now on I'll just buy food for myself and you do the same. You can add that you can budget better that way.
You're very kind to put up your friend rent free but as it's looking like it's more than just a week or 2, you need to set clear expectations.

My suggestion.. she buys everything she eats or drinks and only uses that , then if she leaves it out it's her loss. The rule should be don't touch, eat or drink mine! Then if she gets a takeaway it's her food that's wasted. I can't see why you should rule you take it out put it back? Buy your stuff she buys her! Simples!

So they are wasting food you are paying for. Is this real? They are being really really inconsiderate. Stop it now.

Honestly no good deed goes unpunished
start now

tell them to put the food back as you can’t afford to pay for stuff to be wasted

tell her she needs at a minimum to pay her way for food and electric

you could rent her room out for a min of 625 and month tax free for a lodger
probably even more if your in an expensive area

This. She requests and you buy if that works for you but she pays her share of what she realistically consumes/wastes

Why on earth are you buying them food? Are they 5 years old? They’re an adult. You’ve kindly offered them to stay in your spare room but they need to buy and sort their own food and make a contribution to you to cover the extra utility bills.

Forget telling them not to leave food out. Just tell them that now they’ve settled in, they can buy their own food. Give them a shelf in the fridge and freezer, and a cupboard for their use, and leave them to it. You’re not their mum.

The fact they’re behaving like this and aren’t falling over themselves to repay your kindness by being super-helpful and aren’t even offering you a small contribution to your expenses doesn’t bode well. I’d make sure they understood this was a short term arrangement, and I’d be showing them rooms and flats for rent frequently.

They buy their own food in future. Then it’s their waste if they leave it lying about.

Once friend has a job/more stable income, I’ve already suggested they can start paying for a grocery shop, which they’re fine with. I’ll likely also ask for a contribution towards the bills so they’re at least paying their way. Friend is looking at maybe moving out eventually, but it’s an expensive area for rent.

If they’re not working, they’ll have benefits they can use. Asking for a token contribution towards utilities from these is a good idea. I don’t like the use of “eventually” there. What was your friend doing prior to being in the relationship that broke down? What would she do if she was new to the area and had no friends to live with rent-free? It sounds like she’s using you. If she has no job and, presumably, no close family in the area (because if she did, she’d be scrounging off staying with them, yes?) then she can look at moving to a cheaper area if need be.

I just wouldn't let her stay. She is already getting on your nerves. She has no incentive to leave.

Some company is nice and your friend is having a hard time. The fridge situation is easy to solve. Just ask friend politely but clearly to make sure she puts any food she gets out, back in straight away as you’ve had to throw some stuff out which is annoying.
A simple conversation is sufficient it doesn’t need to be blown out of proportion by separating what’s theirs and yours, unless you want to do that. I’d just solve the issue in hand and not make it a bigger one.

There’s no incentive for her get to get a job, when there’s free board and lodging.

Has she made any plans yet? Signed on to Job seekers allowance (then she can buy her own food), looking for jobs etc?

Can't see this ending well,she could be in your house for ages and she's got it made plus job market is horrendous even NMW jobs many are PT only and with shift patterns hard to take on two PT jobs.

I think you have allowed a rude ungrateful twat into your home. Big mistake.
Of course you should point out that not only are they living off you, they are actually costing you money by their waste.
Unforgivable IMO. I cannot believe you have tolerated this for a minute.
Your boundaries are poor and they know it. Find your self respect and spell it out.
Do you really believe someone so lazy, selfish and disrespectful is going to get their shit together and move out anytime soon, when they have found a mug like you to live off?
They sound like a bratty teen.

Just casually mention it every time you find she's left something out. 'Can you remember to put xxx back in the fridge please as it goes off & is wasted if you don't. Thanks' She should get the hint after being told a couple of times. If she doesn't star putting things away the next thing you have to throw out ask her to replace it coz you've not got enough to buy more until the next food shop is due.

You do realise your friend will be entitled to at least £600-1000 per month from universal credit if not more and you’re paying for everything? They are taking the piss

Why wouldn't you say something? This isn't a legit difference of opinion like loo paper over or under or do the dishes as you cook vs do them after dinner. There's no advantage to leaving the food out (unless she's trying to soften butter or something, but it doesn't sound like it) and it causes predictable harm. Plus, it's your food and money she's wasting, as well as your house - asking her to follow rules is completely reasonable, being irritated in silence by something like this is not.

So this person was a lazy inconsiderate dickhead in their relationship, so that person ditched them and they came along, saw you were a total mug and decided to be a lazy inconsiderate dickhead to you instead?

This person is definitely a man btw.