DP shouting to neighbour who we keep overhearing in the bedroom

[Neighbourproblem26]

We’ve had an ongoing issue with one of our neighbours and overhearing sexual noises because they don’t shut their bedroom window at night. We’ve attempted to respectfully raise it but they just continue. Another neighbour has also done similar - they think the couple are doing it deliberately and getting kicks out of it.

This has really started to wind my DP up. He has made a couple of sarky comments to the man when he’s seen him on the drive into the past few weeks. The man laughs it off which has riled DP up more.

Tonight, we were coming back in from the car having been shopping together and the man was entering his house having arrived home just before us. DP shouted to him - “give her one from me”. Again, the bloke turned and laughed.

I found this an odd comment for DP to make - his response being that he is trying to embarrass them and make them feel ashamed. I said the only person he embarrassed with that was himself.

He’s now having a bit of a sulk. Does anyone else find his comment odd?

If you've already tried to speak to loud neighbours and gotten nowhere, I'd report them to your landlord. It's very cringe to have to hear people shagging, and especially if they're well aware that they can be heard 🤢

Think he was seeking to offend. The public nature of their shagging means everyone's involved... iyswim?

I can't help but laugh at how it landed wrong. What a numpty.

The national anthem, hymns, Nigel garage speeches.

That tactic is surely never going to work because the man will think all the neighbours are cheering him on. And he now thinks your DP is such a tit that he would congratulate the neighbour on his sex life/partner in front of you. DP needs to shame him not celebrate him. Bit late for that now though!

I think your partner is jealous, and somewhat annoyed by the whole thing because the noise gets him going.

I would go with things that make the man seem grim, not your DP:
That noise you make when you come is a bit weird isn’t it?
The kids are kept awake by your shagging, did you mean for them to hear you? etc. etc.

Or just simply go round when they’re at it and angrily tell them to pack it in!

Worth googling / getting advice on whether shouting verbal complaints turns it in to " an ongoing neighbour dispute " as you have to declare them on a property information form if you sell :o/

WTF that is mega weird OP, and now the sex-neighbours think hes also a weirdo. Youve lost the upper hand.

Benny Hill theme tune. Loud. On repeat for 30 mins. (even after they've stopped)

No man should talk about a woman like that - this is a DH red flag

The guy will just treat that as encouraging behaviour. It would have been better to stop him, and say look I don’t want to be rude, but you need to close your window at night. No doubt they are getting a kick out of it.

No, he's trying to nip it in the bud at least tonight, might or might not work. I guess it's a bit embarrassing for you just pretend you didn't hear.

Yuck 🤮

And how will that work if they are getting a kick out of it?

Genuine question are the neighbors gross because they are having sex or because they having sex and not closing the windows?

what’s the lady like? Is she nice? Could you just tell her. (I would be mortified to be the neighbour who gets told everyone can hear you as well as the one delivering the message! )

I swear the ‘give her one from me’ retort was a suggestion that went down well in response to a similar situation on here or Reddit within the past week. Maybe your husband posted it 🤷‍♀️

You can actually complain to the council by the way. (As an aside to the embarrassing partner thing, sorry about that - cringe!)

If you want to make the couple cease and desist, hire a solicitor and have them send a cease and desist letter to them, and to the owner of the property. They are not allowed to interfere with your quiet enjoyment of your property which is what they are doing by using you and whomever else can hear them as unwilling spectators for their sexual pecadillo of needing an audience.

The fact that your husband thought his 13 year old utterance directed at a man making a woman the butt of his ersatz "joke" was funny and not sexist or denigrating to the woman is mind-boggling. Is blurting a genetic condition that runs in his family? Or, and this is the worst case scenario, was he sexually assaulted and this is a symptom of a trauma that requires underlying treatment?

That's gross. I would not be happy in your place. If the couple are getting their kicks from being overheard, that kind of comment will only feed them further.

I'd start playing something incredibly unsexy every time I heard them. Goofy clown/circus music or strange sound effects, like those squeaky rubber chickens.

Maybe leave the boys out of it and you approach the woman?
just ask her if they can buy a fan and close their window.
Do you sleep with your window open? Maybe close your window and have a
fan on, maybe play music softly to help you fall asleep, invest in some ear plugs?
Can you move your bedroom to the other side of the house?

if they’re not willing to change their behaviour then you need to adapt … or call your local council and speak to the noise complaints section.

You could monetise it. If they are performing a free public broadcast, then you are perfectly within your rights to record it. Create an anonymous YouTube channel and post it. There are lots of similar videos already there with thousands of likes. I'd let their inconsideration pay for my next holiday!!

And yeah his comment probably sounded better in his head. Said in a moment of anger.
His sulking though would piss me off more. He has no right to sulk when he’s upset you!… he should apologise and accept his comment was crass

If he's not the type to make lewd comments or try to be one of the lads, I would put it down to sheer frustration (as in anger)! He clumsily blurted out something that sounded better in his head than in reality. Do you honestly think he was indulging in "boys banter" or do you think he was trying to think of something sarcastic and clever to embarrass the bloke? You know your husband, so it's up to you to make that call.

🤢

It's a weird comment to make especially when it's obvious that they know you're listening.... a friend had similar with an amorous neighbour in their hot tub in the early evenings and ended up reporting them to the Police as she had young kids. A visit from the local PCSO soon put a stop to it.