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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable in this situation?

57 replies

tinkbell · 06/05/2026 21:13

Person A is very unwell after having a procedure yesterday. She was aware that she might feel very ill the next day, because the same thing happened last time, with flu-like side effects.

Before the procedure, Person A told Person B that she would likely need support with their toddler the following day. Person B said they had moved clients to that day because they had already missed work to take Person A to the procedure the day before. However, Person B said they would only need to leave Person A alone with the toddler for around 1.5 hours, and then another 20 minutes at 5pm.

Based on that, they agreed not to arrange family help or a sitter, because Person A thought she would be able to manage with that limited time alone.

Person B’s morning appointments were then cancelled, but instead of staying home to help or taking the toddler to a class, Person B chose to do another work-related task that was not urgent and that the toddler could have gone along to.

Later, once home Person B said they had another last-minute appointment in the middle of the day. If Person A had known this earlier, she would have arranged help from a family member.

Person A said it felt unfair and explained that she was really struggling. Person B replied that the appointment was last minute and that Person A needed to understand what being self-employed is like.

That evening, they discussed it again. Person B said that Person A should understand that, because they are self-employed, they cannot always be relied on, as things come up unexpectedly.

Person A said that she understands things can come up, but felt Person B should have told her as soon as they knew their plans had changed. Person A also felt Person B could have acknowledged the situation, apologised, or offered reassurance, such as saying, “I need to go out, but I’ll take the toddler to the park when I’m back so you can rest.”

Person B said they did not know when they would be back, so they could not commit to taking the toddler to the park. Person A said that if Person B could not commit to helping, they should have told her clearly so she could arrange emergency childcare.

Person B then asked why Person A had not arranged childcare in advance if that was an option. Person A explained that the family member who could help works, but would step in for urgent situations. Person A did not ask them beforehand because she believed Person B would be around for most of the day, based on what had been agreed.

Person A is experiencing a high temperature, shivering, extreme exhaustion, nausea and almost being sick and is struggling to move around or pick up the toddler.

person b also feels like they work alone have so much to do can’t catch a break and now having to look after baby and partner to

OP posts:
tinkbell · 07/05/2026 12:19

@TheHateIsNotGoodit wasn’t a cough or a sneeze though was it. It was a medical procedure where I could barely look after my child safely he said he would be around to help and wasn’t. @Credittocresswe actually don’t have a mortgage we own house outright. Money is tight in the sense we choose for it to be tight be have big pot of savings choose to eat expensive local produce etc. when I say we can’t afford to turn down the work his business can’t not that we can’t.

im a stay at home mum but I earn income every month from passive income I bring it nearly as much as him. Hes a big worrier of money though and loves to save and not spend

OP posts:
DumpedByText · 07/05/2026 12:30

You're husband is a dick and clearly doesn't want to look after his own child.

Hope you feel better soon.

endash · 07/05/2026 14:17

YABU for making everyone wade through that interminable ‘Person A/B’ and ‘they/them’ nonsense, only to abandon it almost immediately.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 07/05/2026 14:55

xyz75 · 07/05/2026 09:51

christ on a bike with a nun in tow- what's with all this A&B crap? Just say my husband and I

Like the Queen....😏
(Although Person A would say they weren't treated like Royalty much...!)

NotMajorTom · 07/05/2026 15:08

Credittocress · 07/05/2026 10:12

Person B has the stress and load of knowing that if they don’t source enough money that month then the mortgage doesn’t get paid. You’ve already said money is tight. It doesn’t sound like they are in a position where they feel comfortable or able to turn down work.

Personal B has three people relying on them to make sure the bills are paid. Don’t underestimate the stress this can cause.

Tha stress generally doesn’t count on mumsnet when it’s a man like in this case. It’s easier to call him a bastard

allthingsinmoderation · 07/05/2026 15:53

If person B has a responsibilty to person A ie: a partner they are completely unreasonable.
If person B is just a friend not so much and it's a case of inadequate communication about childcare being imperative so if it wasnt going to be possible alternative arrangements could be made.

Nearly50omg · 07/05/2026 16:22

Your husband needs to start PARENTING his own child!!!!

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