How much do your friends help you?

[tuckmonster]

How much do friends help out?
Im going through some stuff - mum dying and husband needing a stent in his heart. I guess normal things for people of a certain age to go through. I have just been suprised by how little my friends have cared. They sent texts saying hope everything is okay and let me know if I can help but I feel like I need someone to turn up with some soup or something! Is that ridiculous?

I would not assume that you would need people to cook for you with the situation you describe - especially as it sounds like you’re a keen cook. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but your husband having a somewhat routine operation is not the same as a friend herself having a hip operation (unless she has a partner who could have done the cooking, I guess).

As others have said, if they are good friends then they really aren’t fobbing you off with ‘let me know if I can help with anything’ - I’d be delighted to be able to be useful but I’d be struggling to know what you would need in a situation that doesn’t limit your mobility or ability to leave the house and might mean some people aren’t up to company. If you are feeling overwhelmed and in need of practical support, tell them that. It doesn’t have to be specific - if a friend said ‘I’m overwhelmed’, then I’d feel better able to say ‘would it help if I brought a meal round/got you some shopping in?’. If you’re needing emotional support, say that and I bet people will suggest a meet up/chat. If they don’t, that’s when I’d be suggesting that they’re not great friends.

No, not at all. Then you'd have OP on here potentially complaining about people turning up unannounced, taking over, being intrusive, etc. They offered to help and we must assume it was genuine and it's for OP to say how she would like to be helped, whether she needs practical help or just someone to talk to.

I wouldn’t show up to do the cleaning - I would message and ask when would be good. I would just show up with Lasgane though!

I have a good friend whose DH has cancer. It wouldn’t occur to me to turn up at her house with a casserole. She would think I had lost my mind.

I offered help, which in my mind related to looking after her very needy dog and possibly not so needy DC if required.

If your idea of helping is people bringing food, I think you will need to tell them directly.

They sent texts saying hope everything is okay and let me know if I can help

Can you bring me some soup please?
Obviously it would be lovely for them to just turn up with soup but sometimes when we know people are going through things and got a lot on we don’t want to impose so use message or calls to show we care. They have offered help so if you want or need it then take them up on it