The house ticks every box. So why do I feel flat?

[getoutofmyhead]

We are very close to committing to a house purchase and I find myself caught somewhere between needing reassurance and needing someone to talk me out of it.

Right now, we live in a flat with our kids somewhere very charming, convenient, characterful, with cafés, cinema and shops all around. The house we are buying trades all of that for something more grown-up: a garden, off-street parking, proper family space, and the kind of calm that comes with a quieter street. Objectively, it makes sense.

I always imagined our next home would feel like a clear yes, real character. This house is practical (think 1950) rather than romantic but its in budget. There is nothing wrong with it. But it is not the home I had in my head.
The case for it:

• A garden, which we genuinely want
• Parking
• A lovely, family-friendly open kitchen space
• Real scope to improve, decorate, landscape, maybe even extend over time
• We secured a very good mortgage rate before they went up again and we just got a short window to make this move.

The case against:

• Losing the central location (we will be 10mn drive out), which I suspect I'll miss as I tend to walk everywhere
• It has none of the character I was looking for
• I'd be buying potential rather than something I already love
• The mortgage increased feels like an emotionally weighted commitment at an uncertain time
• I keep wondering if I'm compromising too much just to tick the picture perfect family life

I know how this sounds. It is a good house in a lovely family friendly area and we are fortunate to be in a position to consider it at all. But I feel strangely flat rather than excited with low grade anxiety.

So, has anyone bought the sensible family house over the dream one and ended up loving it? Or is flat and anxious not a feeling you should be pushing through?
AIBU for walking away from a perfectly good house just because it doesn't give me the feeling?
AINBU walk away and trust the anxiety?

It’s the money / mortgage things giving you a wobble
it’s vanishingly rare that a house will tick every single thing on your wish list
your pros IMO outweigh the cons which is why I think it’s the money (and that’s natural)

I think you would massively miss the ability to walk. So on location I would say trust your doubts.

But buying potential is not a bad thing. We bought potential, because you always have something to aim or, stretch for and look forward to. So you don't get bored. It also means you can hopefully manage your budget better than buying perfect and stretching too much.

What about schools?

How would you feel if the house suddenly went under offer and was no longer available to you?

secretly relieved or completely disappointed?

Pros massively outweigh cons here. A 10 min drive is absolutely nothing, you can decorate the house to have it as you want it. A beautiful garden, family-friendly kitchen space - grab it with both hands!

Its so much closer to kids school reducing daily commute in that sense.

I can so relate to this. I am so nervously worry about increasing our monthly outgoing.

How old are the DC. The school run gets incredibly tiresome very quickly so that is a huge plus to the new location.

I would trust your gut on this OP. We were in your shoes when we last moved and the house ticked every single box we had, objectively it had everything we were looking for and should have been perfect for us but it just… wasn’t. Same as you really I couldn’t explain it, but it just didn’t feel right. We offered on it and had the offer accepted because every conversation we had about the house, comparing it to our list of criteria, it was the obvious choice, an easy yes. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, we went back to the street nearly every day for 2 weeks after having the offer accepted and I kept hoping for that feeling to come and it never did, eventually I mentioned it to my husband and he felt exactly the same but hadn’t wanted to mention it to me because he knew on paper it was the perfect house for us😂 we pulled out and the relief when we did for both of us was huge. We held on and found our current home which did have that feeling, no regrets!

@getoutofmyhead Character isn't important when you have teenagers and realise space is the BEST! I have a 1980s box but it's decorated nicely so feels homely now we have made it ours.

Location - how long it take to walk? How many kilometers? I also love walking, and now live 10 mins drive from a decent town but the walk isn't safe so not feasible, but I also used to live in the outskirts of a city (for space) and really enjoyed the 45 minutes walk into the centre.

As the kids get older, can they get into town without having a lift from you e.g. is there public transport? (our public transport is crap so I am always taking the teenager places!)

A family friendly location is always good!

Plus kids LOVE garden and being outdoors.

Yes the walk to town is about 35-40mn and very doable/ safe. There is also a bus taking us to the city centre, which will be helpful when kids grow older. Our kids are still small but I can already tell that squeeze will come soon enough in our flat.

Do it. Ive recently upsized and yes the larger financial commitment is a thought but honestly it’s been so worth it. The space we have now compared to before has been transformational and it’s so nice for my kids to have a proper garden, my youngest is barely in the house since the weather improved! As your children get older you’ll really appreciate the space and be glad you aren’t crammed into a flat any more.

In that case the house sounds AMAZING!! This would be the only thing that would put me off on your list. It's the ONE thing that annoys me about my house and I would love a walkable route to town but instead I have a main road, no footpath and crappy buses!

I'd say go for it!!

It's normal to feel nervous about making such a move, but it would be worth it in the long run.

Ive never bought a house that didnt give me the feeling.

I moved from a flat in a place where we walked everywhere to somewhere i feared would be the back of beyond in suburban hell, but the reality was quite different when we arrived and I now love our area. If you actually couldn't go for a walk from your doorstep somewhere I might say give it a swerve, but from what I found I just discovered new routes, public transport options and found a new community in the new place.
So I would say it probably is wobbles rather than a good reason to pull out.

Hi OP,

Well, to tell you our story:

We've always (until now) bought a house with our hearts rather than our heads, but our current house was definitely an "it'll do for just now" move. We had to move within a certain timeframe and also within a certain distance of DH's work, whilst also being practical for me to get to my work in the opposite direction.

We'd put offers in for 4 other houses and didn't get them, so we were getting desperate. This house ticked most boxes but was modern with a small garden, which is kind of the opposite to what we'd been looking for. The plan was to stay for a couple of years then move again.

We've been here for 30 years this year ☺️

Every time I’ve moved I’ve had a similar wobble. And in fact we are about to move from an Edwardian house with kerb appeal and character to an ugly from the outside 1950s house too. However I can see the potential, it has a bigger garden, quieter location and scope to make it nice. I have Pinterest boards galore with some mid century inspiration and know when our belongings are in I will be happy. We hope to do some work that enhances the appearance within a few years of living in it but as friends have said you’re inside it looking out more than staring at the front.

Everytime I’ve taken a step up mortgage wise I’ve been nervous but I believe it works out fine.

Well DB and his wife moved from a flat to a house this time last year. Yes the commute is slightly more difficult for SIL but schools and nursery and shops are walkable. Yes it’s not perfect but is a period property. The upside for the family is the garden and more space. Their eldest (7) is still a bit frightened about going upstairs by himself. They saw so many houses over almost 6 months to a year, and were beginning to lose hope and even with the mortgage and bills are happy in what’s probably their forever home.

Similar to my DB, they’re in a quieter location and lovely street compared to where they were before.

How long have you been house hunting
for?

We did the equivalent move and I’m so glad we did. I would have loved to feel more personally excited and in love with the house, but the reality was that we couldn’t afford all three of the space, the location and the period character. I wanted lovely high ceilings, spacious hallway and nice features. We have none of those things. Just because we couldn’t afford it doesn’t mean we don’t like and value those things as much as anyone else. But we had to be practical and we’ve got so much enjoyment and family happiness over being in the right place with enough space for everyone and able to put up family when they come to stay (with a bit of shuffling around.). Many people can’t do that, so I remind myself that we’re fortunate.

OP go for it. This was us 8 years ago. We were in a town centre 2bed terrace with a tiny yard out the back but I just loved it. We were central to everything and I have such happy memories of my maternity leave on DC2 when I bought a double buggy and walked everywhere and it was a lovely happy time in my life. Great parks and a playground etc close by however we had zero space and couldn’t have friends /family over for parties and I was even worried about play dates when DD started school as we had no space and we even just had no space for the DCs toys. We moved to a boring suburban 3 bed semi and now I just love it here. Similar to yourself the house had zero character or charm but potential to extend and do things to it. Now we have a playroom and a great back garden and space for two cars to park. We are also on great bus routes and there are lots of local amenities but really I’m a city centre person . We do think when the DC grow up we will downsize and buy a town centre house or apartment again but this works so well for us now. The DC can play on the street if they want and there is a lovely sense of community here as well.

Is your perfect dream house likely to be in your budget? I would need another zero on my salary to get mine!

It's rare that a house makes our heart sing. Give yourself a few years there and if still feel the same, move if can afford it? You may find the memories you create in there makes you enjoy your new home.

My partner has chosen a house in a completely new area that does little for me, in fact I dislike it a lot but there's not many houses on the market in this area. Not moved in yet because it's a do upper but the garden makes me smile loads, all the wildlife and space, am delighted so that was my pull. That'll do. We've a 5 year plan, if we hate it then, we move.

So it’s convenient on around 175 days of the year, but all your free time/weekends etc will be away from what you love?