The house ticks every box. So why do I feel flat?

[getoutofmyhead]

We are very close to committing to a house purchase and I find myself caught somewhere between needing reassurance and needing someone to talk me out of it.

Right now, we live in a flat with our kids somewhere very charming, convenient, characterful, with cafés, cinema and shops all around. The house we are buying trades all of that for something more grown-up: a garden, off-street parking, proper family space, and the kind of calm that comes with a quieter street. Objectively, it makes sense.

I always imagined our next home would feel like a clear yes, real character. This house is practical (think 1950) rather than romantic but its in budget. There is nothing wrong with it. But it is not the home I had in my head.
The case for it:

• A garden, which we genuinely want
• Parking
• A lovely, family-friendly open kitchen space
• Real scope to improve, decorate, landscape, maybe even extend over time
• We secured a very good mortgage rate before they went up again and we just got a short window to make this move.

The case against:

• Losing the central location (we will be 10mn drive out), which I suspect I'll miss as I tend to walk everywhere
• It has none of the character I was looking for
• I'd be buying potential rather than something I already love
• The mortgage increased feels like an emotionally weighted commitment at an uncertain time
• I keep wondering if I'm compromising too much just to tick the picture perfect family life

I know how this sounds. It is a good house in a lovely family friendly area and we are fortunate to be in a position to consider it at all. But I feel strangely flat rather than excited with low grade anxiety.

So, has anyone bought the sensible family house over the dream one and ended up loving it? Or is flat and anxious not a feeling you should be pushing through?
AIBU for walking away from a perfectly good house just because it doesn't give me the feeling?
AINBU walk away and trust the anxiety?

We bought the equivalent house 15 years ago. Sensible, solid purchase. Not exciting but very practical. Agreed it was the inbetween house and we'd look to move at some stage before secondary.
Still here, eldest off to university later this year. Planning to stay for at least another 5 years. It's still not a romantic house although we have developed it to our needs and it fits us perfectly. No regrets.

I was in your exact position.

We lived in a terraced in town centre. 5 minute walk into everything and I LOVED it both pre-kid for the bars and then on maternity leave to get out for sanity. Just used to bimble about town. At 18 months we realised it was great for a non-moving baby but it was presenting issues with a mobile toddler. The house had a basement so split floor living, no parking etc. Simply no space.

We wanted an older property (we had been in 1830’s) but moved to a 1930’s. It was a total dive. It was digusting. It was also 35 minute walk from town but had a bus route. I felt miles away at the thought of it.

The reality was it’s been the best decision. Son has plenty of space. We simply don’t go to town a whole lot anyway and I do walk in the summer or grab the bus. It’s been a total non issue honestly. We’ve extended and decorated the house and now I can’t imagine moving. Closer to schools than we would have been and we are still growing growing into it. We very much bought for the potential!

OP, we were in a similar situation mortgage wise. We had agreement in principle just as the Liz Truss mini budget happened. I’m not sure we were expecting our offer to be accepted. It was our first property we offered on and was under our budget.

We have since seen so many things come on the market on the same street that are just a little better (extra bathroom, extra bed, etc) and would have been in budget but with the precarious situation caused by Liz Truss, we just pushed full steam ahead.

I love our home but wish we had had more time to shop around. The mortgage crisis made us feel we were lucky to get it.

My parents bought a holiday home in France which didn’t make their heart sing completely. They’d seen a Charentais style house which was old but couldn’t quite afford it and there was another reason. They used the other house for 20 years before selling. It was in a hamlet with no shop or bar, just a bread van coming round and you had to drive anywhere. But they loved it.

What are the neighbours like?

Go for it.

You can always give a house character, and as a PP said, if character to you means 'old and a bit wonky' then be prepared to spend lots of money on it in the future.

It will be a sharp increased from where we are now in term of monthly outgoing, which is fine, we can afford it but it means saving less (which I know we are absolutely bless to have such a problem). I feel staying in our current flat means we can be squeeshed and saved more.

The neighbourhood is lovely, there is even a little village centre with a butcher, a veggie stall and a (not so nice) pub 5mn walk. Its very family orientated so Im guessing that will make a lovely community to be part of.

Thanks so much all for your replies. It seems that mostly everyone who made a similar move is loving it. Its just so very scary to make the call and decide.

OP, people on mums net are usually more 'sensible' types. Be true to yourself! I wouldn't do it.

Moving is upheaval and scary. It’s not something I get excited about personally. Change is hard work.

We have got a very standard 50s 3-bed house which admittedly doesn't have much character. But the location is amazing, can walk everywhere within 10-15 mins. I'd personally hate having to drive into town.

I've not read everyone else replies.
I'll only say that I put a similar thread on here a few weeks ago and got 50:50 proceed / pull out.
In the end we pulled out. There was no reason not to like it. But I didn't and I still don't. My partner thinks of it as the one that got away and is sad. I had a real choking sensation in my neck in the weeks leading up - I literally thought I had thyroiditis. I didn't. The house was choking me.
So now we have lost some money, and we'll have to spend a damn lot more to get a house we love. But I think it's worth it. I don't want to have to do this again.

What a journey. I really hope you find the right place for you soon. Did you feel relieved after pulling out?

Why do you need to love it anyway? The important thing is not to hate it.

I agree with this.

Don't love my house, but it has served us well....near schools, lots of kids around so kids go out to play, lots of open space. Yes we are 10 mins further out but go for it

Consider staying put OP at least until you find a house and location you love.

Hey OP. Totally understand if your gut is against this move, but just wanted to share my perspective. I was SO set on wanting a period (Victorian/Edwardian) flat with the fireplace, bay windows etc. We ended up moving into a 1950s flat…not as aesthetically pleasing, particularly curb appeal wise, however we absolutely love it. It’s absolutely flooded with light thanks to the big windows and now we want to move to a house (fingers crossed we sell our flat argh - that’s another story!) that’s also mid century architecturally. Look at Pinterest for mid century inspiration - you can really make these houses beautiful and interesting. That said…if your heart isn’t it and the thought of the house post your improvements still doesn’t set your heart alight, I do think it’s worth listening to that. Good luck!

This is a head over heart decision and not one I would make so I get where you’re coming from. Many would choose practicality over love for a place but it depends how you feel about that.

Which one would you pick?

Thats amazing to hear. Actually a really good way to look at it. Our current flat is really lacking light and new house is flooded with light all around. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with the sale/ new purchase coming up!

I can only speak from my current (very VERY limited!!) experience of trying to buy a house that when you see the "one" you'll know. At least that's how it currently feels! Out of the 4 we have seen there was only 1 that when I walked through the front door I immediately felt "this is it". No doubts. Just certain it's what we want. (Only probably now is them agreeing 🤞🏻🙏🏻😩)

I have a house with lots of historic character. Honestly it costs a fortune to maintain. There is always something needing doing. A sturdy 1950s house sounds pretty appealing to me.

I moved to a 1950s extended house that I didn't have 'the feels' for but it more than ticked every box we had, in terms of what we wanted on paper. 6 years in and I like it a lot more than the first couple of years. I really appreciate the space and the setting (much more remote than previous home), the relative peace and outdoor space. What I've learnt is that its doesn't have to be your dream home to be a really lovely home. What's more DS absolutely loves it! Seeing him enjoy it is worth a lot to me. So I'd say go for it, and don't feel bad that its not in 'dream home' territory for you. Sounds like it has a lot of things going for it.

Politely - you didn’t find the dream house op! If you had, you would be buying it! I think you need imagination and some inspiration for the space and how to make it a real home. Chasing dreams is very exhausting!