Do other parents feel this overwhelmed by noise or is it just me?

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I’ve got a 2yo and a 7yo (autistic) and our house is… loud. Lots of shouting, meltdowns, arguing between them etc. my 7yo can have screaming meltdowns that can last half an hour..

I’ve started to think I'm particularly sensitive to the noise..When they’re crying or shouting I feel so on edge, It’s not just “annoying” – it feels SO intense and overwhelming. I feel like im in fight or flight most of the time when im at home with both boys..

My partner doesn’t seem bothered in the same way at all – he stays calm even when it’s extremely noisy – which makes me wonder if this is just me? My ex was the same when we had a toddler.. the screaming and crying and whinging sounds reeeally affect me and he said it just didn't bother him...

Do any of you other parents get just as affected by your child's screaming and shouting like in a way that makes you feel like you can't take it?? It makes me so angry and I end up feeling unhinged! My partner stays as cool as a whistle... Thankyou in advance !

I'm like that. When everyone is shouting at once, my heart starts thumping and in my head I can see all the overlapping words and sounds appearing as TV captions in front of me. Absolute state of overwhelm and I lose it frequently. Sometimes I wear earplugs at weekends but that has other drawbacks. Was never like this before kids.

Noise drives me crazy and just absolutely drains me. My husband is the same way.

if you have an ASD child, the odds are very high that like me, you also have ASD. It makes us more sensitive to noise and chaos.

i recommend loop earplugs.

also sometimes mommy needs timeout. In our house timeout is when a person declares they need time to decompress so they don’t have a meltdown. As a parent, I can never take long, but taking 10 minutes and laying in a dark quiet room can make a huge difference.

Omg this is me exactly. When my step kids scream and shout and fight it seriously doesn’t seem to affect DP whatsoever. However, it makes me SO anxious. I absolutely hate it when they kick off.

Thankyou @fivetriangulartrees @Ponderingwindow and @bubblepink2749 nice to know I'm not alone 🙏🙏

I understand op. Yesterday I was standing in my kitchen playing white noise through my ear buds while my son was having a meltdown. The sensory pain was immense. It's such a hard situation to deal with that sometimes you have to make the space physically safe for them and remove yourself while still observing.

I read a book recently which said that females have evolved to have slightly different hearing, which means the sound of children crying incites more of a reaction in females than males. Crazy!

I was feeling very on edge today as a result of my DC's constant tuneless humming (apparently she was excited), it really grated even though it wasn't hugely offensive!

I'm honestly not being facetious when I say I would cope far better with a swarm of bees in the room than I do with the kids playing, TV on, video playing on husband's phone, tumble dryer knocking around in the other room, pulse rushing in ears... Like the panic is so real and so impossible to ignore, I get the physical urge to run from the house.

On the rare occasion I get some time to myself in the house, I don't even put the TV on.

It’s the worst thing about parenting for me. My DS is a bellower and DD is a screecher. Add to that toys, DH, TV …

I know I’m overwhelmed by all the touching more than others are but I am also almost certain I am autistic. gently, you might be too if you have an autistic child, it’s come from one of you or your husband 😅

Thanks @Imicola that's really interesting! I need to read that! X

Yes @WhatMummyMakesSheEats I'm thinking of getting tested!

I'm the same. I've seen loop earphones recommended.

🙏

I am like your DH, I kind of just manage to block it out and get on with things. DH gets quite overwhelmed with noise and can't cope with our dcs making a racket (he was fine before we had dcs, and life was noisy as we're inner city based - it seems to be kids' noise specifically I think). We all all ND in the house but it's something I've learned to manage quite well. I might get DH some loop earplugs!

I have one child and while she wasn't a screamer or tantrummer, she did everything externally - sing, dance, read, talk to herself ALL OUT LOUD! My friend bought her a musical instrument that I hid time and time again... On my days off I used to drop her to school and come back home to sit still, in absolute silence for a good hour.

I can only imagine with two, they just bounce off each other and it constant. I really feel for you 💐.

I'm childfree and cannot stand the noise of children. In the supermarket, screaming outside, I can hear my neighbours kids whining and screaming in their house, there's teenagers up the road who are still screaming outside at their age.
I don't know how people can stand it.

Drives me berserk. Particularly the repetitive noises. My husband is the same.

I cannot handle crying. It makes me need to leave. It’s got more and more difficult to bear as I get older. My kids were aware that this wasn’t the way to get what they wanted. Tears only for actual pain, be that emotional or physical. And tantrums were a solo pursuit so pretty pointless.

Yes it sets me on edge the minute a squabble starts

It was in this book!

I’ve just been to the supermarket, midweek, as you’re meant to do if you aren’t at work. Oh, the school age children shouting, yelling and charging up and down the aisles really hurts my ears.

Well if your child is autistic, there's a chance you might be too. And direct family members of autistic people have more autistic traits than average even if you don't meet criteria in other ways. Noise sensitivity is a common trait. I liked the book Too Loud Too Tight Too Fast Too Bright.

But also I think when you have a ND child the stress of parenting them through meltdowns etc starts to get to you and you can end up on edge for signs they are getting in any way agitated/dysregulated. Both my older 2 have ADHD and they have this very specific high pitched giggle that they do (DS1 has grown out of it years ago, but used to) when they are going completely off the wall hyper and when DS2 started to do it I would just instantly go into fight or flight because I knew I'd be soon trying to win an unwinnable battle. The thing is he will start to do that laugh before he's actually hit the stage of the misbehaviour that can't be ignored, so if you took just that moment out of context, I look insane for reacting to it and DH couldn't understand why I would. But he wasn't the sole parent responsible for DS1 during the worst of it!

Interestingly now DS2 has started ADHD medication and we only get the "unfiltered" him for about 2 hours a day I'm massively more tolerant of it and it doesn't wind me up. Whereas if DH tries to put him to bed, he gets really wound up by his behaviour and finds it hard to keep his cool. We used to be the opposite way around. I think it's because when it's bedtime it's at a point of the day where DH is just done with everything. I used to be like that but now that DS2 doesn't constantly go into hyper dysregulation, I just recognise it as he's struggling to manage himself and it doesn't phase me.

Yes I’m hugely triggered by the noise of my kids. It’s gotten worse as Ive got older I’ve realised - my tolerance to noise has decreased they haven’t got any louder than they always have been.

I thought it was just me, too. It's so reassuring to read other women experience this as well. Had me feeling like I had something really wrong with me but phew! I'm just emotionally exhausted.

Seriously though, I had my daughter crying her eyes out because her brother was playing with a toy she wanted this evening while I was cooking dinner, and the gardener was outside with a leaf blower, my son whinging and pestering, the crying, the food cooking, the leaf blower, the crying, the whinging, AAAAAAA

It's DH in this house who couldn't cope with the noisy young kid years. He's not autistic but has sensitive hearing (musician and has it tested for custom earplugs regularly). He can still hear those fox deterrent machines, all I hear is a click!

He also just seemed more emotionally affected by it. Eg baby crying. Not sure if it was purely down to the noise or something else. I found it tiresome but just sort of accept the noise and carry on jiggling!

I also grew up with younger siblings while he's an only child so that might come into it.