Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask DD to wait three weeks for her 18th birthday present?

28 replies

Nimblethimble · 04/05/2026 17:19

DD will be 18 three weeks before her last A level exam.

She needs AAA for her first choice uni (which is where she is very keen to go) and is currently working slightly below that.

She has asked for a gaming laptop for her birthday present which we have agreed to (siblings had the same gift at 18 but this wasn't an issue as they have birthdays well after the exam season has finished).

Would you give it to her on her birthday - YABU

Or wait til the exams are finished - YANBU

(In case it is not clear, she wants it on her birthday. DH and I think she should wait and focus on her exams.)

OP posts:
Clarabell77 · 04/05/2026 17:20

I couldn’t do it personally.

JMSA · 04/05/2026 17:22

Unreasonable, sorry. The drive to do well has to be intrinsic and she’s old enough to self-regulate when it comes to gaming laptop usage! Or not, but again, that has to come from her.
What you could do is have a chat prior to her using it, just a reminder about expectations and such.

MissFancyDay · 04/05/2026 17:23

I'd wait. Just tell her that delivery has been delayed 😃

Malasana · 04/05/2026 17:24

Give it her on her birthday. She’s an adult at 18 and old enough to know what she needs to be doing.
I think if you withhold it, it will be a birthday she remembers with resentment.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2026 17:25

JMSA · 04/05/2026 17:22

Unreasonable, sorry. The drive to do well has to be intrinsic and she’s old enough to self-regulate when it comes to gaming laptop usage! Or not, but again, that has to come from her.
What you could do is have a chat prior to her using it, just a reminder about expectations and such.

Edited

This I think.

If she can’t concentrate and work towards her exams because she’s been given a gaming laptop, she will find something else to distract her if she doesn’t get it.

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 04/05/2026 17:27

YABU. At some point you need to accept she’s an adult and let her make her own choices.

Jenny865 · 04/05/2026 17:33

I can see why you'd want to wait. Worried she'd get distracted and her revision takes a hit. On the other hand seeing your willing to get her something big like that you must see her as mature and sensible. Maybe have a chat with her explaining you dont want her revision to be effected. I dont feel its fair making her wait 3 weeks. Personally couldnt do it to my children. They need some down time to relax after all the exam stress

Delici · 04/05/2026 17:36

I understand why you want to wait but wouldn’t withhold it. She can work it out.

Superscientist · 04/05/2026 17:45

I got my 18th birthday present 3 months after my birthday. It is tradition in our family that we get a nice ring for our 18th. I have a Dec birthday and my parents were at the end of a major house renovation trying to get it finished in time for Christmas.
My parents explained and said as soon as they could they would take me shopping to pick out a ring.

I would trust your daughter to know herself well so would ask her if she would like you to keep hold of it until after her exams or whether she would be sensible with it.

Tryagain26 · 04/05/2026 17:46

Give it to her on her birthday.
Firstly it's not fair to make her wait.
But also it is very important for her to be responsible for her own actions. I don't think parents should police their children's A level revision schedule.
If she doesn't get the grades she wants because she wastes her time gaming it will be because of the decisions she has made and that is a very good learning experience for life. And it won't be the end of the word. There are always other options
But also if she isn't mature enough yet to make the right choices about how she manages her time she wouldn't be mature enough to make the right choices about.managing her time when she is at university where she won't even have school teachers to encourage her.

Youremyannie · 04/05/2026 17:51

No, she's 18. An adult. If she doesn't pass that's on her. If she's big enough to be going to uni, she's but enough to know when to game and when to study.

Jamesblonde2 · 04/05/2026 18:02

I’m glad my DC doesn’t want a gaming laptop, whatever that is, for her 18th. What has she been like with any gaming devices in the past? Does she go out with friends or just study and play games?

CoastalCalm · 04/05/2026 18:04

Give it to her for her actual birthday - sounds like you’ve already asked and that’s her preference so respect that

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 04/05/2026 18:04

She’s 18. Surely she’s old enough to regulate herself and to realise that she needs to study to get the grades she wants?

ReadySaltedSquares · 04/05/2026 18:15

Jamesblonde2 · 04/05/2026 18:02

I’m glad my DC doesn’t want a gaming laptop, whatever that is, for her 18th. What has she been like with any gaming devices in the past? Does she go out with friends or just study and play games?

People who game can and do socialise in the real world too.

I’m not a gamer - it frustrates me! - but my kids are and both got gaming pcs for one Christmas. Amazingly, they game, play sport, watch sport, spend time with friends, study well. 🤪

OP - I’d let her have it - and probably tell her how proud I am of her for being able to balance things. Positive reinforcement works well especially at this age if you’re quite ‘cards on table’ with them.

CheeryOP · 04/05/2026 18:17

I'd find an excuse to wait to give it to her until after her exams. Gaming is addictive and adults far older than her can struggle to manage how much time they spend on it.

domenica1 · 04/05/2026 18:17

JMSA · 04/05/2026 17:22

Unreasonable, sorry. The drive to do well has to be intrinsic and she’s old enough to self-regulate when it comes to gaming laptop usage! Or not, but again, that has to come from her.
What you could do is have a chat prior to her using it, just a reminder about expectations and such.

Edited

There is a difference between expecting them to find the drive to do well and positively jeopardising it by giving a highly distracting item right when they should be focusing on work.

She will only get this one chance to take her A levels. Give her a small gift on the day with this to look forward to.

blubberyboo · 04/05/2026 18:22

You would make a massive mistake to withhold it. She will be extremely hurt and upset that she didn’t get a present for her 18th and that will stay with her. In the short term she will focus on her hurt and in the long term (years) the resentment towards you will stay.

blubberyboo · 04/05/2026 18:24

CheeryOP · 04/05/2026 18:17

I'd find an excuse to wait to give it to her until after her exams. Gaming is addictive and adults far older than her can struggle to manage how much time they spend on it.

Is that true? Or did you just make that up?

Gaming has been around for decades and many well adjusted adults have managed to coordinate their student studies followed by careers and work around it. Many are well into their 50s now. Just like any hobby.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 04/05/2026 18:25

Jamesblonde2 · 04/05/2026 18:02

I’m glad my DC doesn’t want a gaming laptop, whatever that is, for her 18th. What has she been like with any gaming devices in the past? Does she go out with friends or just study and play games?

Why? It’s a fairly harmless request. Most people who enjoy gaming as a hobby also socialise with people in real life.

sunflowersandsunsets · 04/05/2026 18:29

She's 18 years old. Time to stop treating her like a kid and let her regulate her own time without mummy and daddy "helping" her.

treesocks23 · 04/05/2026 18:32

For me - she’s turning 18 and should be responsible enough to manage her time. If she wants it badly enough she will study for the grades but she should still get to enjoy her birthday. Is it definitely her that’s pushing for that uni?

Anyahyacinth · 04/05/2026 18:32

We know gaming is addictive by design ...I definitely wouldn't do anything that could derail her future...may you could offer a "delay gift"

Rainbowunicorn12 · 04/05/2026 18:34

Is she not allowed any down time away from revising and doing exam based things? I couldn’t do it.

godmum56 · 04/05/2026 18:34

FFS she is going to be 18. I am assuming that her next step will be going off to college or uni. When are you going to let her grow up?

Swipe left for the next trending thread