To think women need not disclose exact savings to partners?

[ByWorthyGreyOrca]

I think it’s reasonable for a woman to maintain some financial privacy, even in a relationship.
For example, saying you have savings feels sufficient but I’m not sure the exact amount always needs to be disclosed. For me, it’s more about independence and having a sense of security.

AIBU?

Agree. Not unrealistic.

Both dh and I had our own careers when we met. When we got married, we pooled our money to fund a joint account that had only enough money to pay household bills, the children's expenses with some slush. Everything else was in our sole accounts (FO money, I guess). The only discussion was how much we each contributed to the joint account.

If one person was earning much more than the other (we took turns on this) and money was tight, then we each got equal spending money and contributed the rest to the joint account. Now that the children are older and we earn well above the contributions to the joint account, we just contribute in equal amounts. I know roughly how much dh earns and he knows what I do but we don't keep tabs on each other's personal spending.

We roughly know about each other's joint assets, savings, investments and inheritance because we talk about tax planning.

I mean it’s a nice idea and I can clearly see the logic in it. But we save what we can to benefit the family - holidays, house improvements etc. It’s hard enough to save, particularly in this climate. How are you, on your own, maintaining a second savings account on top of of this?

And say you needed money for an emergency repair and money was tight - how do you justify just keeping a wee secret squirrel account?

I do think there are some differences as a woman is more likely to be financially dependent (ie by being a SAHM) than a man and so need a 'running away fund' if he became abusive

Luckily I earn well and always have done. My ex and I bought a house, I had a bills account that he used to pay his share into and the rest of the money was our own. We decided joint purchases (holidays etc) and contributed what was fair including repairs.

I have always maintained financial freedom and I'm pleased I did as I managed to leave when I needed to and now support myself and my children. I still manage to rub a house, go on holiday, repairs and save on my own.

This is naive, many long term relationships end acrimoniously and unexpectedly, you need to have the funds to leave if you want to. I'm not saying keep things a secret but having everything jointly means that you cannot easily make plans if you needed to. Always protect yourself.

Well ok but how is a stay at home mum, for example, supposed to create a running away fund? Or a woman working 16 hours per week on minimum wage?

It’s a privileged position to be able to squirrel away that sort of money.

Perhaps women should be more sensible when it comes to deciding to be SAHM and thus financially dependent then?

I am not financially dependent on my husband. I earn more than he does, and have better earnings potential should I choose. I know lots of women who are intelligent enough to have not put themselves in precarious positions financially.

This is my point though, in my opinion women especially need to ensure that they have financial security and if that's saving before you have children, ensuring you keep your career/job post children and/or save £10 per week, just to make sure you have some money to get away.

What are you really saying OP? Sounds as if theres a backstory. Is your partner pressuring you to reveal your level of and you don't want to?

I'm a sahm and I have some unearned income and savings. DH and I don't know the exact amount of each other's savings, as it changes daily (almost all of it is invested, not in cash) and it gets added to a few times a year.
I'd be fine with disclosing it and I don't see it as a running away fund, but more of a nest egg for when we're old and the dcs grow up and have high expenses. We don't really ask about exact figures as it's not money for spending, it's there to grow and compound and we won't make any decisions about it any time soon. It works for us and we don't have any problems meeting our daily spending needs and don't argue about money.