TW: AIBU to think we are more protective, not raising weaker children?

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Just seen a post online that said years ago 14 year olds used to be babysitters and now they need babysitting. That we are teaching our newest generation to be weaker and scared.

Im not sure I agree fully, we have had a 14 year old baby sit my kids, and yes we are way more protective now days. However I do believe with the internet that child pornography is easy to access, darker materials are easier to access than ever before. Organised crime is easier with phones / internet. We have easier access to a lot of information.

I know some people will think I’m way over protective. A friend had posted a picture of her child in a swim suit on Friday on social media (not private). All I could think was it’s dangerous. While normal people don’t see anything wrong with it. If an 18 year old posted a picture in a swim suit it’s sexual. If you are attracted to children, it’s sexual being in a swim suit. I hadn’t really thought about it until a documentary showed a child around 5 in their swimsuit at the beach. Some of the comments on the dark web where “I wish I could get a taste of that ***”

Are we raising a weaker generation (although I feel all generations say this every 20 years) or are people just moving with the times. Are people realising that child pornography is more prevalent? Are we more protective but is that a good thing? Are some children growing up too fast as they have easier access to adult films / TV shows etc?

This is the first generation that aren’t binge drinking as much (actively reducing sales which is a problem for alcohol companies), that have lower teenage pregnancy rates. That in itself should be celebrated as a win IMO.

I think you’re conflating two different things:

1. online safety & digital risks
2. overanxious parenting that stretches beyond online safety.

There is taking and teaching sensible precautions and decisions and being an anxiety ridden neurotic parent who puts it on to their children

There is a difference

Ironically, children would be safer and healthier playing outside in mixed-age herds as they used to, rather than sitting in their bedrooms snapchatting with whoever on their phone.

No. Children are being raised to not need to problem solve, without the skills to critically think, without resilience, to be reliant on devices before they can even form full sentences and sent on their merry way with their smartphones which give them access to all of the harmful shit you listed. But it's ok because their every movement can be tracked via GPS. And the failure to cope with things not being exactly how they want them to be is then the basis of parent-diagnosed neurodivergence. And part of the reason for the actual increase in mental health issues amongst children and young adults.

The drop in alcohol consumption is nothing to do with parenting and is a result of a shift in culture in the younger generations to be more focused on health. Influencers pushing the gym and macro counting lifestyle is to thank for that one. Meanwhile, parents continue (generally) to over-consume proceeded foods, takeaways, fatty foods, alcohol etc as is evidenced by the sheer explosion of the likes of justeat and the ever growing selection of shite in supermarkets.

My style of parenting has to be different to my dps because the dangers dc face are different. It’s not just porn, but also politics.

My dps could strike an attitude if “you’ll do it because I said so”, “under my roof” and “if I catch you” because a little bit of fear based parenting was effective.

With my dc, I’m trying to keep lines of communication open, compete with other sources of advice and information. I can’t leave my ds to be educated by the likes of Andrew Tate.

So I can’t rely on fear, I have to be coming alongside my dc, being a trusted sensible and approachable adult.

Mt dps had a tv in the living room, a computer in an open area and there was no privacy for either. I have no control over what my dc see on someone else’s smartphone in the school yard, what games they play in a friends house.

when we were kids we roamed the neighbourhood. Now my dc play outside in my garden much like we did. But when they leave by the front door they will usually end up in another house on a screen.

I have to take more interest in them than my dps took in me, it’s different times.

Well you are confusing issyes

online safety and access to sexual stuff etc is something we should be protecting children from

but teaching kids risk taking, over coming hurdles, building resilience, dealing with emotions, not being offended at everything etc - yep I’d say we absolutely are raising a weaker generation not equipped well to deal with these.( in general of course)

We are both more protective AND raising weaker children. Some things, like sensible online precautions, are necessary. Other things are not.

Protecting a child, or even a young adult, in such a way that they cannot cook a meal, operate the washing machine, have any idea of the value of money and how to budget, pay bills, or even have any idea of what their responsibilities as a normal member of society are, is harmful both to the child and to society as a whole. You may think these examples are extreme and yes, they are. But they are not that unusual. A child that is taken everywhere, given whatever they want, cooked for, laundry done, kept away from the harsh realities of life such as knowing how bills get paid is being done a disservice.

Some years ago I returned to college as a mature student and, as part of that, I did several weeks work experience for a firm of accountants. I worked with a 21-year-old girl who still lived at home, had all her meals (including a packed lunch) prepared for her, had her laundry done for her, had her bedsheets changed for her, did not pay anything towards bills, and so had absolutely no preparation for real life. How is this helpful?

I babysat at the age of 16. I do think 14 is a bit too young, but a sensible 16 year old who is able to recognise if a child is ill, change a bed and bathe a child who has vomited, (in an extreme case), make a piece of toast etc. that is OK.

Maybe I’m just a different parent to many examples here. My 9 year old DS can make a cuppa and fry an egg to make egg on toast. He’s put a load of washing on with my help but not regular. Most of my friends do the same. If they have a problem from a young age my first question has always been how do you think we can solve it?

The examples of adults not knowing how to cook isn’t new….my DH went to uni and couldn’t cook a basic meal.

My kids get money for doing age appropriate chores and have a saving account. We talk about finances, APR and how much it costs to run a house openly. We have treats but we talk about nutrition (foods aren’t good or bad).

Yet I’m told constantly that I’m too over protective as my kids aren’t allowed to play down the estate where I can’t see them. They can play out the front but we have firm boundaries upto a street lamp. We don’t allow sleepovers and I don’t like pictures on social media. I don’t like sharing pictures with uncle Steve twice removed who I’ve not seen in 20 years.

I do think all generations face this - everyone always says the next generation isn’t as good.

I agree 1000%.

Kids exhibiting normal behaviour now have anxiety, ADHD or autism. Mums are neurotic and putting this on their kids making their kids neurotic, unsure and full of insecurity which lasts a lifetime.

Bad behaviour or unrealistic expectations of others are classed as ND on the part of the 'offended' or the one who doesn't understand instead of increased exposure which result in a well-balanced individual.

It's grim.

I think we are more protective. I also think we are raising a 'weaker' (less resilient) generation. Not necessarily a correlation, but who knows?

We’re protecting from different things.

Some of what our DC can do/access now would turn the parents of 30 years ago grey! Some of what we did 30 years ago would turn today’s parents grey!

I used to cook with my grandchildren, meaning teaching them to cook proper meals, not just cookies and cakes. This included choosing what they wanted to make and shopping for the ingredients. Important learning, in my opinion.

How old are your kids? Most of what you say here is pretty normal for children under 9 or 10. Sleepovers is mixed but I would say until high-school sleepovers are not necessarily a given but after 11 yes, you would probably be seen as over protective if you dont allow them. Ditto re playing out - once they're in yese 5 or 6 some loosening is pretty standard in would say.

No.social media - i think its a bit paranoid but again, its not hugely unusual.

So I am wondering if either your children are older or there's more if you are consistently being told you are over protective.

The documentary showed a child on a beach in a swimsuit. Statistically, there’s just as likely to have been paedophiles on the beach too…

I think we maybe are hindering children developing independence skills. I wouldn't want a babysitter for my 14yo, but I also wouldn't have a 14yo babysitting my 5yo. Although, it's nothing to do with child pornogrohy, I think the risks of that would be more likely with an adult babysitter.
When I was 16, that age was seen as an adult. I had friends working full time and living independently. When I was 13, me and several of my friends had lots of babysitting jobs.
Me and another girl from secondary school picked up siblings from primary school. I didn't know anyone getting dropped off at secondary school by their parents, it would be embarrassing.
All of that would be frowned up on or not allowed now, the expectation is childhood continues to 18 and only an adult can collect children from school.

This is personal experience so anecdotal not real insight but I have been interested to see how the children of the most anxious parents have developed over the lady few years. One family we know well now, with a son aged 15, she is tearing her hair out. Hes either at home alone on screens all the time or will announce he wants to do something completely OTT that she knows he doesn't have the skills for.

"Tough times create strong people. Strong people create easy times. Easy times create weak people . And, weak people create tough times."

I would like to see an infograph created that 'shines a light' on the people who are carrying out child sex abuse.

Lets have some stats such as 1 in 9 men, 1 in 12 married men, 2 out of 7 fathers, 40% of 60-70 year olds, 1 out of 12 male nursery workers . . . etc etc etc. Stats on where and when it happens etc.

Now that could be very useful when keeping our kids safe.

Year 4 and younger so not older kids.

I don’t think the social media is paranoid when anyone has access to the image easily. I don’t mind printing pictures for family. I don’t mind family having pictures but knowing what I know about the internet it’s not worth it.

Agree with this.

The no.2 on this list is the important one in this discussion and imo it is having a negative effect on children’s development

Correct. They are being exposed in the comfort of their own homes to astonishing stuff and their parents have put them in this situation.

I'm 68 soon - I was babysitting at age 12!

I like this. I think overprotective mothers create weak men. I will die on this hill.

I'm not sure if your question is general or specific to your own parenting style.
We are protective now because our children are facing unique challenges e.g. social media, the internet, grooming on an industrial scale. We are rightly terrified of the ease with which paedophiles can find each other, and their victims, under cover of their own homes. Most importantly, we are more child centred nowadays.
Are we over protective? It's a difficult balance to get right. Personally, I gave my nine year olds a little more independence than you do but my kids grew up in a tiny village and life in a city has a whole other set of risks.
I guess we all have our own standards and it doesn't hurt to challenge ourselves fairly frequently to make sure that we're not only protecting but also preparing for increased independence and ability to cope with the adult world.

But why parents allow this?

There are plenty of tools to block whatever content you want on their devices and restrict use time. To a point you can specify what they can access and the rest is blocked by default.

Why kids allowed to spend all this time online? is this just easier for parents?

I think they create weak adults generally who don’t have the life skills to cope in the perceived big bad world.