AIBU to worry my nephew may be at risk abroad?

[supersop60]

Trigger warning - mention of suicide

I'm hoping to God I am wrong - I am worried that my nephew might harm himself. For years he’s had mental health problems and my sister has been supporting him financially and emotionally. He’s 28 and has been ‘ill’ since he was about 16 when his father had an affair.
He’s been verbally abusive and manipulative to my sister and she’s put up with it all this time. Recently diagnosed with ADHD and possible autism.
Anyway - for the last 10 weeks hes been seeing a therapist that he actually gets on with, had some EMDR, stopped smoking weed, and seems to be recovering.
Today he's gone to Spain by himself ( he’s barely left the house in ages) and sent a very cheerful video of his accommodation.
My sister is over the moon, firstly for his recovery, and secondly to have some peace and quiet for a few days.
In the back of my mind there are red flags.
Talk me down.

Can you make contact with him? Hey nephew, I hear you're in Spain! Send me some pics, I love Spain?
Just light and breezy.

Oh yes, good idea.

What makes you think this, has he ever said anything before about harming himself before or tried to take his own life?

He has had suicidal ideation, not said anything to me just my sister.
It reminds me of a former colleague who had mental health problems, but seemed to turn a corner and become more cheerful when he got a new apartment, although none of us knew his new address. Three weeks later he killed himself. We all thought he was getting better, and I’ve since read that sufferers often find peace of mind when they’ve made the decision.

Can you give him some little tasks to do?
Things like
My neighbour collects xxx, can you bring one back please?
I d really like to try xx Spanish food. Can you see what it’s like? If it’s good get me some
Send me a postcard!
xx at work collects fridge magnets, get the tackiest one you can see.

Space them out a bit so you have reason to stay in contact

I would have concerns too.

I guess the first thing is to make direct contact, as others have said and ask for photos etc. Keep it light and see what occurs.

Hopefully he is just trying to move forward.

IF after making contact you have serious concerns then you would have to alert your sister and try to find a Resort Manager or similar, who could check in person.

i will keep in contact - he knows I used to go to Spain a lot, so he won’t be surprised.
He’s due back on Thursday. I will not be saying anything to my sister yet.

I sent him a message asking him to get me an El Caganer figurine. Heard nothing - I thought it might make him laugh.
My sister has heard nothing and is reluctant to message him and be “an anxious mum”.
Tell me I’m catastrophising. Please.

Is the message showing as read?

It’s on messenger so I can’t tell.

Messenger shows a little icon of the person under the message when it's been read

Does he use WhatsApp?

He blocked his mum and me from a number of channels because he didn’t want family commenting on his video release. I’ll check the messenger icon thing

No icon

Too soon to panic.
OK to keep a worried eye out.
When did he last contact anyone?

He voice messaged his mum yesterday when he got there, and sounded very upbeat.
It is too early to panic, I know, but he’s been so mentally ill for so long that this change is hard to believe. So many times over the years has my sister said to me that she wasn’t sure she’d find him alive in the morning.
I need to switch off and not think about it.

Hopefully he'll be okay OP but I understand why you're alarmed

So you are worried because he is upbeat about a trip? Would you prefer him to be down about it? Maybe he is upbeat because a trip is just what he needs

Honestly I would be worried and that’s normal.
But honestly you never know what might happen out there. He could get lucky and meet someone who helps him or he might feel happier without the pressure of uk life.

My guess is he’ll go back on the weed out there. How that will pan out who knows.

I would probably worry too, OP, but that’s cos I do tend to catastrophise. I guess all you can do is your current plan of messaging him, maybe also about some positive plans for when he’s back. Do try not to tie yourself in knots this week over it, when hopefully he really is perky because of having a nice time.
xx

Hopefully he's just upbeat because he's finally on a trip in a beautiful place, as opposed to a sudden change in mood for no reason. It's great that he's started therapy, and maybe getting diagnosed has been helpful to his self understanding.

I'm a worrier too but I really don't think there's anything you can do.

It’s hard not to worry when someone with mental health problems changes in this way. You read into everything, conjure up what might be happening and fear worst case scenarios.
Saying don’t worry isn’t going to help I know but I hope you soon hear from your nephew and all is well.

Any news yet @supersop60 ? I really hope he's out there having fun. Hope he makes some reassuring contact soon.

Heard nothing.

This could be a good sign. If anything had happened to him, his next of kin would have been informed.