The constant need to fcking praise men for just completing normal functions

[Slightyamusedandsilly]

The dishes.
Arranging something.
Putting a wash on.

Why oh fucking why has it got to be acknowledged? I don't need praise for doing the hoovering or washing the floors. I don't need a pat on the back because I made him a cup of tea.

So why does HE need some sort of 'Well done!' for doing basic stuff? I find it so infantile and the ick is intense at the need for praise.

Not for much longer, hence the rant.

Why are you rolling your eyes instead of just saying these things?

Yep!

My favourite is when DH says (now and again when he does the washing up,) 'I've saved you a job!' I'm like 🙄

And don't even get me started on the reaction a MAN gets when he's out with the children (on his own with them,) and people (usually women middle aged and older) say 'oh what a wonderful daddy you are!' It's like he is the Second Coming for LOOKING AFTER HIS OWN CHILDREN! And then say to his wife when they see her 'you are a lucky woman, he's wonderful isn't he, taking the children off your hands like that. Giving you a break!'

It's because he thinks he's some sort of hero man for doing the things he knows some other men don't. I feel very fucking strongly that getting the general shit done in the house is just ground zero, base-level team work and therefore requires no real acknowledgement, ESPECIALLY if that desire for praise comes from a place of 'gosh aren't I such a GOOD MAN'. Yes, gratitude is a good thing and important in a relationship but not on these terms.

I remember listening to some people bigging up a local single dad because he managed to work and take care of the kids. He picked them
up from the childminder, made tea, even made their packups and sent them out in clean clothes each day! I know it’s not a race to the bottom and good on him but no one congratulates single mums for any of this, in fact we’re usually berated as lazy and useless because we can’t squeeze even more in.

EXACTLY @DrCoconut Single dads are treated like War Heroes! Yet single mums are expected to just get on with it!

Ha ha this is very funny! I’ve never seen it before.

I remember a post ages ago where a woman said her husband constantly hinted at wanting praise eg coming in the room where she is and interrupting her to tell her I cleaned the bath when I was finished/I've washed up/I've made the bed/I've taken the bins out. Someone advised her to do it back to him, so she did and her husband was really confused eg why are you disturbing me while I'm watching football to tell me you've peeled potatoes? It stopped him doing it though.

You obviously don’t like him. Why are you with someone you don’t like? Move on.

We give a standing ovation in our house whenever DH tries this. After 25 years he seems to have gotten the message

This is brilliant. He'd think I'd lost my mind if I did it to him.

'I've cooked lunch because I'm a nice woman.'
'I've just swept the floor, because I'm selfless.'
'I've washed up because I'm thoughtful like that.'

Thanking someone for making you a drink is just basic politeness. DP does all the cooking in our house and I also thank him for that!

Your problem is that you hate your partner and feel contempt for him. God knows why you started to go out with him or why you continue to. Not sure why you're turning that into an "all men!!!" vent.

I do thank him for a cup of tea. As you said, it's basic. But thanking him for washing up? Hoovering? Cleaning the sink?

That isn't normal. It's basic human functioning. I'm not his mum, giving positive reinforcement.

It is one of those things that always bugged me ‘I’ve done the x’ usually after I’ve gone ten, however I do find myself sometimes listing the things I’ve done too and I realised recently I’m a man flu wailer too😅 So when he does say ‘just put out the bin’ sometimes I do say ‘cool that’s done!’ because I can be as bad😅😅😅😅

I was at a fundraiser recently. A guy there worked his feet off, carting wine, wine glasses, trays, washing up, drying up, every minute busy. Very well organised and he anticipated and did the next job. It turned out that he was incredibly successful in his field and earned a fortune. I was very impressed by the character he demonstrated and by the fact he issued zero instructions but got with everything himself. This is a leader to me.

Definitely adulting there. That's a very attractive quality.

DH & I thank each other for doing household tasks & cooking ,although I still occasionally have to pull him up on saying “ I did x/y/z for you”. Drives me mad!

Quite right.

There is a societal aspect to (among some, anyway) that a man has to be lauded. My example always is- DH works away 3 months of the year. We have a disabled older DS and a younger DS and this has happened since they were born. In fact, he is in the middle of his work away right now. That's all. That's the end.

Two years ago I was abroad for work for ONE WEEK. He had one of our neighbours exclaim in sorrow all over him that he was left alone with the kids. She bought over a lasagne for them all one night so he wouldn't have to cook. Another neighbour said if he needed help getting his own kids to school they could help out. My own parents said 'Isn't he wonderful to support you?' .

Baffling. DH was quite offended really that people apparently thought he couldn't be relied upon to just - well- parent.

In this scenario I would buy two trophies. A really tiny one ana a huge one that has four pillars on it and a badge on the front. Then I'd list everything DH and I had done in the last week. I would then insist on an awarding ceremony, perhaps with podium to make him stand on the lower spot with his tiny tiny cup.

If you have married a dickhead, that's your problem.

You can stop praising him, reduce his expectations. I used to give DH a round of applause when he was sniffing for praise, he doesn’t bother these days.

Doesn’t happen in my house but DH does most things

Hahahaha, I'd get accused of emasculating him.

You are assuming I haven’t said anything. I didn’t say I haven’t.

We just thank each other. He works and is a high earner. I'm between roles so to me it's fair I do more. But he still gets stuff done and will thank me for doing simple stuff. A hand on the shoulder while washing up and a thank you. Maybe we just value each other's time. IDK