To find talking openly about money a bit vulgar?

[QuietAmberMember]

I’ve always thought talking about exactly how much money you have is a bit vulgar and it’s something I’d never do myself. I know some people are very open about it but for me it just feels unnecessary and a bit uncomfortable.

AIBU?

I agree with you 100% OP.
Leave it to the Yanks.

How terribly British.

I think it’s fine in plenty of scenarios and I also think talking about salaries etc. should be more normalised. Keeping money as some dirty little secret is how businesses get away with taking the piss. Women are far less likely than men to ask for pay rises and things too.

Its a British thing not to discuss money. In countries where everyones income is published there is far less inequality of income because they cannot get away with it!

I think if people were more open it would help both the gender pay gap and social mobility 🤷‍♀️

Depends on the context, I think everyone being more open and discussing things with salaries and pay is a good thing.

It's such a British thing to say that talking about money is vulgar. It's only a way of keeping people in their place. If you don't talk about money you don't discover that the man beside you is earning twice as much for the same job as you. Or that you're underpayed in general for your sector. It's far better for everyone if money is kept out in the open.

The challenge is, not talking about money tends to benefit those who are already privileged.

I had no idea when I was graduating 20 years ago that a grad scheme in financial services was likely to lead to more money than a career in local government - the initial starting salaries were pretty similar. I’m pretty sure that other grads with parents in professional jobs knew this, however.

Perhaps being more open about money would discourage ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ In terms of possessions too. If we knew what ppl earned - maybe they’d be less inclined to pretend wealth with a financed posh car

IMO there is a difference between how much you earn and how much money you have eg savings etc. Am quite prepared to share my salary details, but not how much I’m worth.

Why? (Other than the it’s none of your business). When we are prepared to share so much of our lives with close friends/ family- what is it about money?

I’m talking about friends/acquaintances with regard to not sharing details of net worth. My kids know what we have.

Depends, having a conversation with a friend about salary in a new etc which is in context is fine. Coming into a room and out of context bragging about your new salary is a bit weird.

I think referring to anything as "vulgar" is awful and snobby and pretentious.

Like most things, I believe that talk about money has a time and a place. I'll be more open with family than friends and more so with friends than acquaintances. I feel similarly about relationships, health and various other topics.

Where talking about money is always inappropriate in my opinion is when it's done in a way that is judgemental or to show someone else up. But that's not about money, again, that's about not being a dick.

I was made redundant during Covid and picked up some supermarket work. When the job market reopened I got another role in my field. When I handed in my notice I told one of my friends there I had a new job and she said but you seem to love it here, why don’t you stay. I told her it was considerably more money, and she asked me how much more.

I told her what I was earning. She started applying for junior jobs in that field that week. Since Covid she is now earning triple what she had been before. She will say it is because she realised that there was very little difference between her and me, whereas previously she thought to be earning £70grand a year plus you had to be something really special. I made her realise that people like her could earn that sort of money too.

It is all entirely context-dependent.

Vulgar is a very old fashioned word, seldom used now. It’s judgmental in this context.

i also agree it depends on the situation, my friends and family are open on money, my daughter and her partner openly discuss their finances with us, we discuss ours.

but id not share with strangers, or acquaintances.

This. Especially the discrepancy between men and women’s salaries which is still happening now.

YANBU I frequently told thenMIL this

If I like someone, I don’t care what they earn or what they’ve got. If I don’t like someone, I still won’t, even if they’re rolling in it.

Why does this sort of stuff interest others?

Its not a question of vulgarity but rather of privacy. There is nothing wrong with discussing salary scales in general among colleagues. Howwver I dont discuss my personal finances with anyone. Anyone who asks me gets reminded in my teacher voice that this is none of their business. Even my parents never knew what I earned because i was paid by bank transfer and had all my correspondance sent to an accommodation address. I am always amazed at these "what should I chanrge my DC for rent" threads where parents know exactly what their adult children earn.

'Vulgar' is a tell, isn't it, like in Betjeman?

I think actual, practical, honest conversations about money are important, especially around young people. There are two groups of people who don't need to talk about money - those who have so much of it coming their way that they never need worry, and those whose immediate family are super clued up and good at explaining it to them. But for anyone else, it's really useful to hear a good range of adults talking about money. Otherwise, how do you learn?

100%

I suppose with some people if you tell them what you earn or how much you have in savings, they will think they are entitled to some of that.

Exactly, it was by talking openly about money that my colleague found out she was paid 25% less than her less competent, male, peer.