AIBU to block my sister after feeling unsupported and ignored?

[Unbelievable2025]

So I have had a rocky relationship with my sister for a while now. She does not care about what is going on in my life. Her family and her life is all that matters. I have gone through years of Fertility treatments to finally have my little girl. She is autistic. My sister is her godmother. She sees her maybe 2-3 times a year max. My sister is a teacher and has all the holidays that go with that. Still no effort is made. She has 4 children her self but they are all over 10 now so I understand she is busy. Recently my DD went through a very challenging time and I spoke to my sister briefly on the phone. She kept the conversation short. Last week I had to put down my almost 16 year old dog and I was beyond devastated. I went to a very dark place indeed. I held her as she left this world. My sister was aware from the very sad messages I sent and responded via text on the day. No phone call. She finally asked me how I was today. I said I thought you would call me. She was like oh I’ll buzz you later. I said it’s fine don’t bother and blocked her. I’m done begging for her to give a shit. Have I over reacted?

I have four children and could only manage part time work when they were young . Your sister is likely at capacity and it should be you supporting her tbh . I think you should message her and apologise .

Blocking will just lead to a rift/going NC.
You can go LC without blocking. Although arguably you are that already at 3x a year face-to-face contact.
I am sorry you feel alone and let down.
It is difficult especially when everyone tells you it takes a village to raise a child - and when that much longed-for child - is more challenging to cope with. That in itself is very isolating.

However, you cannot make people support you. Many on here, myself included, have learnt that the hard way: so many have Disney dads/reckless ex husbands or mums who do not want or are bothered about seeing grandchildren or both.

If, as a single mum, you have no partner or parents and relied on your sister, who has not stepped up as she has her own caring responsibilities and professional duties, that is understandably sad for you but the resentment/bitterness will not help long term. You are going to have to build your own village or accept the buck stops with you. There is little respite for any mums with children with SEND. But there are groups and services out there for you to find in your local area.

I take mine to community swimming each week to reregulate. I do low-demand parenting much of the time apart from hard boundaries of teeth brushing, sleep and school attendance (latter not perfect but better than many). I am on here a lot.
Try to be upbeat rest of time as noone likes to be around misery, moaning or neediness (even though I am all three). Work helps me as well as hinders, as it keeps us to a routine and gives me adult conversation I would not get otherwise.

Like you, I have no family to help out.
Unlike you, I have a term-time only job on purpose.
The stress of working in education nowadays cannot be measured unless you are in it so I am on your sister's side on that one. Does not mean she could not offer some respite, a day or two, hosting you or having her niece BUT with four of her own on top? I'd be struggling.

Plus, as any teacher will tell you, as soon as the adrenaline that has kept you going all term stops, you often slump yourself in the 'holidays' and keel over. So I cannot blame her for putting on her own oxygen mask first.

Good luck to you 🍀 Unblock her love. It is cutting off your own nose to spite your face otherwise.

You sound very dramatic to be honest. How much support have you given your sister and how often do you visit her 4 children?

(Will not let me re-edit so apologies if you have a partner or a term-time job).
TLDR: I absolutely empathise but you cannot force a relationship/relative to support you more. They either will see the need and offer to help out or they will have their own lives to live/deal with. It sucks but it is reality. You can ask directly of course but be prepared for a no, and accept that no graciously. I personally do not ask as I do not want to intrude/overstep/invite myself, or be thought of as a cheeky fecker and do not want to face rejection. But this is because I cannot reciprocate and I also accept that my relatives have enough going on in their own lives. It becomes easier if you let go of the curated big family round the table mythology and accept buck stops with you <handhold for you if needed> 💕

I agree, it’s extremely disheartening to have a relative you make an effort for but it’s never quite good enough for them, they disregard how difficult the effort you do make was with everything you have on your plate. Funnily enough these sort of people never seem to make half the effort for you. It’s almost like they feel like you owe it to them.

Why? Her sister choose to have 4 children. I didn’t have 4 children because I wouldn’t be able up cope.

The same argument could be said for the OP, it’s not her sister with 4 children that seems to be asking for help? It doesn’t mean she’s not a capacity, although coping

Her sister not jumping to the OP’s messages doesn’t mean she’s not coping

Great. Than I guess the OP also doesn’t need any support and her sister did nothing wrong.

I never said she wasn’t coping. I was responding to a poster who said the OP should be supporting her sister because she has 4 children. Which is a life choice most people don’t make because it’s both expensive and hard in terms of lack of downtime etc.

My DD has a friend who is 1 of 4 and I’m happy to help do lifts from parties etc more than 50% because I understand her mother is busy.

But if a sibling etc said to me I need to support them because they have 4 children, I’d say sorry no I choose to have less so I could have a manageable life, I’m not going to spend it minding the children of someone who didn’t make the same decision. That’s what they signed up for.

I do think the OP is being unreasonable btw.

I think what the poster meant was that the sister is carrying the far heavier load so if anyone could do with help it’s more the sister

That’s nice, you can fit a social life in and all that, yet not spare her any time, so that actually means you don’t like her as a SIL. Be honest at least.

Sorry about your dog OP. It’s heartbreaking to lose a pet….

So what should I give up, my work, my family, my housework, my piano lessons and practice, my own friends, my own downtime?? In order to make time?

She doesn't drive, so I have to do all the running??

It's sad, however she's showing you she doesn't want that close level of contact. Total acceptance will be your friend in this. I have started accepting people just as they are and expecting very little from them. Life has improved, although it took a process of letting go of what I wanted from others first.

Are your parents still alive? (Don’t like to assume) and if so, are they supportive - eg offer to help out with DD? my son is also autistic so I understand how isolating it can be

I think it would depend on what sort of support OP is offering to the sister. I also wouldn't be very happy that the sister gets a free pass to do barely anything because she chose to have 4 kids. What's the point in family if they don't give you any support?

Mumsnet is so weird on this issue like the general consensus seems to be that no one needs or asks for support from anyone ever!

That said, I don't think she deserves the blocking.

I don’t think it’s weird to have enough empathy to realise that someone who works with children and has four of her own has many many many people needing her support. This will inevitably mean she can’t always show up as quickly or as much as she may wish to for everybody in her life.

I suspect in the OP and in a few of these answers we’re seeing the divide between people who support many people and people expect a lot of support. In the ideal world we would ebb and flow between the two at different points in all our lives; in reality, not so much.

What’s the point of family if you’re so quick to block them because they didn’t offer the amount of support you wanted (not didn’t offer zero, not didn’t fail to support at all, but didn’t offer the exact amount wanted)? Thats pretty poor family behaviour, isn’t it?

OP have an open conversation with your sister like an adult. And seek support from a few others with less on their plates right now - perhaps seek reciprocation from the many many people you’ve offered support to, no matter what was happening in your life, exactly as they wished it.

@Clonakilla because it's totally one-sided. Oh the hero sis with 4 kids can't possibly be expected to support her sister. How is that fair? I'd leave her to it. I've done more for friends who have lost a pet.

MN seems to be all about supporting the people who have willingly chosen to make their life hard and everyone else is supposed to not be bitter when they just get crumbs in return. I don't understand the logic.

You've overreacted, I understand why but first I would suggest talking to her about your feelings... She may be totally oblivious to how you feel. Give her a chance to rectify her behaviour before you block her

I'm sorry for the loss of your dog.
But I'm struggling with why you're so upset with your sister? You begin by saying you have a rocky relationship with her - is this because you feel she isn't supportive enough or something else?
Does she live close by? Or is she a long way away?
She has a very stressful job and 4 kids "but they are all over 10 now", which is a lot!
And I hate to break it to you but I've had more stress and anxiety with my teen than I ever did when she was younger. Life doesn't get magically easier when kids get older, it often gets much harder and more complicated.
I have a stressful job and 2 kids - both are Autistic/ Neurodivergent- which is hard enough, but 4?!
And teachers don't get a huge break during school holidays either. There's a lot of admin and unseen work that still needs doing (or so my teacher friends tell me!)
Do you ever reach out to her? Ask her how she's doing and if you can help? Or do you just feel annoyed that she doesn't do it for you when you feel she should be?
She's your sister and you DD's godmother. Don't push her away because you're grieving. Reach out and connect and build some bridges instead of resenting her for not giving you as much support as you seem to be expecting from her.

stop pushing it because your sisters. Doesn't mean you'll be good friends Where is your other support?