I need some advice pretty sharpish-but its a long one, sorry!!
Bit of background, I've got 3 children, divorced 7 years ago. I've been with my current partner nearly a year, he has two children and they have different mothers. One is lovely, really lovely actually, the other refuses to meet me (no idea why). His first marriage failed due to falling out of love, the second relationship he cited that she had abused his daughter psychologically.
Some things with him haven't quite been adding up over the months, but that being said, I do over analyse things.
I am quite a private person, I don't really post on social media (mainly due to my job) and so most people don't really know much about me. I'd disclosed to him that my marriage was very hostile and abusive and he threatened to walk out, stating that he couldn't accept the fact I had had three children and stayed with someone who abused me. We managed to overcome it but his mood swings continued. I tried to unpick this a little bit and he disclosed he had tried to commit suicide some years ago, no further action was taken, he isn't on medication or anything.
He started to have random conversations about things, but these 'things' were things I'd been having conversations with friends about over text messages or facebook messenger, so then it dawned on me he had been checking my phone. Whilst he was looking through my phone, he had seen very historic messages to girl friends talking about people I'd messaged (we're talking years old), and he basically said he couldn't accept that I'd been with other people. Again, I found this odd given that he had got the mother of the second child pregnant after four months of dating and refused to commit to her until the child was 8 months old simply because he didn't want her or the child.
I've continued to observe for a little while, I've noticed that he is extremely jealous, he went through my social media asking who every single friend/follower was, I deleted everyone that would pose a threat but yet he still had women on his social media who he had slept with or he had lots of scantily clad pages on there so it felt a little one sided.
One day, I was on his i-pad looking on the internet and a message came through from the ex that won't meet me. Curiosity got the better of me, and when I looked at the thread, there were reams and reams of messages between them both, they only stopped a couple of weeks before he met me and they were predominantly him leading the conversations. He had been messaging her on an evening, asking her how day had been, sending her memories on facebook containing romantic photos of them both. One message prior to us meeting was him asking her how she was and told her she looked her usual gorgeous self, and another photo was of him pedalling her on a go kart which he had sent her. This is a woman that has allegedly abused his daughter? I just find it all very odd. There were also numerous messages from him asking her to go on family days out, why would you want someone like that near your daughter? It just doesn't add up! I confronted him and he got upset, said he was bored and that he just wanted to appease her incase she stopped him seeing the child but there was no threats or negativity, it looked like they were dating to be honest and I queried whether the reason why she is refusing to meet me is because this emotional relationship has abruptly stopped. His daughter had told me that when he told this woman about me, she had burst into tears.
Moving on a bit, he has no car now as his car failed MOT in December, so I have been getting up at 5:30am daily to take him to work, he then takes it to collect his children from their separate destinations, the boy alone lives 30 miles away. Its now May, he's awaiting a court date as he has accumulated 12 points and hes just crashed my car, which is repairable but theres no mention of him paying my excess and my insurance is now going to increase!
He lives here but doesn't contribute and although he offers, he has no money!
The latest installment which is what brings me here is that I have just taken him to Dublin for his birthday for two nights and we had the best time. Since covid, he has sent his daughter a voice note every morning and night. On his birthday, he got a video message with a promise to facetime later that day, he was obviously very excited as he mentioned it numerous times throughout the day. I have always thought this is really nice and also good of his ex wife as I wouldn't enjoy my ex constantly messaging my phone to be honest! Anyway, we'd gone for a nap, both starkers in bed, and his daughter asks if she can facetime..we were literally about to get up, get ready and go for tea. Before I could even move, he had slung a hoody on, whipped his i-pad out and his daughter was on screen and I'm sat there with everything hanging out!!! I was a little annoyed at this, especially as seconds later, his ex wife hops in the camera to wish him happy birthday. I felt really awkward so I got up and went into the bathroom. Instinctively, I felt most people would think that would make a partner feel a little uncomfortable and draw the call to a close, its a romantic getaway, we are clearly in bed but he dragged it on for 20 minutes! He was on his phone constantly afterwards, whether it was him messaging work or social media or texting his daughter and I got a bit sick of it so I made a general comment about him being on his mobile a lot and he just flipped. He said I was a lying b**ch, a psycho, abusive, controlling and jealous of his daughter. He said he was entitled to have a birthday wish from his child, but that wasn't the issue, the issue was him accepting a call when I'm sat there starkers!
He's since text his ex wife to tell her that the facetime has caused a massive argument and he doesn't know if we will stay together which means he wont be able to collect the daughter, but interestingly, didn't message the other mum! Clearly seeking validation!
I was really annoyed by this action because that will affect my relationship with that mum now and he has admitted he finds it weird that we get on.
I'm unsure if we can move on from this or if its just me??