Would this annoy you?

[Petrice]

DH has massively not stepped up to care for our toddler and it’s a huge bone of contention between us. He always says he’ll do more and doesn’t. His family are aware it’s a big issue and that we are on the verge of separating.

He probably has sole care of her twice a week for up to an hour. I do everything else. Almost without fail, rather than spending time engaging with her, he uses the time to make video calls to family and talks to them in depth. He says he’s building a bond with them, but mostly it’s just waving the phone at her then having a chat with them. I am then in the background rushing around cleaning and getting everything we need ready, and I’m sure that his family think I’m BU and horrible.

It really irritates me.

You can’t change what is family think of you, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that. You could kiss his feet and that might still not be enough for them.

Personally, I’d just go out. Leave him to it. Go and get yourself a coffee and read a book somewhere. It sounds like you need some ‘me’ time. It sounds like he gets plenty of it. If you’re going to potentially split anyway, he’s going to have to get use to solo parenting, and you’ll have to get used to that looking different to how you would parent x

He is full of shit isnt he op?

I am sorry that he has zero respect or love for you and dd. Time to carve out the life you want, be strong, stand your ground and fuck him off.

Useless turd that he is.

Just get rid of him. He’s not going to change, if your in the background doing things then its not even sole care of her is it? Your still there.

Personally, I’d just go out. Leave him to it. Go and get yourself a coffee and read a book somewhere. It sounds like you need some ‘me’ time.

This is such a daft thing to say. You cannot leave a toddler with someone who has shown no inclination to look after them properly. They could end up sitting in a dirty nappy all day, starving, or injured. A bloody ridiculous suggestion.

He will have to sort her out 50% of the time anyway going forward!

Have you asked him how that might look?

Going out for a coffee doesn't take all day.

This "carving out" time really is the latest cliché on Mumsnet 🐑🐑🐑

No child ever starved to death in a couple of hours. 🙄

I could not be with a man like this and if his family are aware then hopefully they will step up/intervene when you split and he has your DC for his access time. Just pull the trigger OP seriously what is the point in the relationship

He's her father, not some random person.

If he can't meet his daughters needs for a few hours while she has a coffee then she knows she needs to end it. And his failures would be his responsibility, not hers.

I agree he SHOULD be able to but if he’s not then leaving her just causes bigger issues.

Personally I’d never stand for this shit but this is the situation she’s in.

I didn’t say ‘starved to death’, did I?

It sounds like he doesn't want to be a father. Separating is the best idea. You and your toddler deserve better than this.

Starving? How long are you coffee trips?

He doesn't do anything now because he doesn't bloody have to. He's a father... he needs to step up. I'm sure of the OP thought he'd purposefully allow the child to get injured in his presence she wouldn't be married to him.

He wouldn’t want her 50/50 unless to spite me, and I wouldn’t want him to have it either. She’s very attached to me because she spends so little time with him.

The ones who do least when together seem to be the ones who kick up the most to get 50/50 once separated 🙄

Why are you covering from him? Force him to do more. You should go away for a long weekend and leave him to it. Although I would personally just divorce, it doesn’t even sound like you like him.

I don’t understand, where is he the rest of the time? What happens at weekends when you are presumably both at home? Is he lazy, or does he lack confidence with her or not know how to play a game/read a book? What happens if you need to go somewhere for a couple of hours, does he refuse to take her? That would be unreasonable for sure. If you ask him to change a nappy or bath her and put her to bed does he say no?

Toddler years are difficult but short. It gets much, much easier so I’m tempted to go against the grain here and say ride this out, don’t break up with your child’s father over what is a passing situation. No new partner will love his child like he does (or often want to help with someone else’s child), and if you’re a single parent, will it not be even harder?

yeah because they are also the ones that don’t want to pay for their kids!

Twat.

Him, not you.

Men want kids like kids want puppies all a great idea until they're expected to keep up their end and look after them ! He's a twat leave you won't regret it.

Girl no man is going to fight you for 50/50 when he can't do two hours a week. Leave him

Hey, just drop the rope and join in the family chats. Forgot what else needs to be done - he doesn't care about it and why should you. Tell him to do it later.
Then you can have a nice family chat with your DC and their extended family instead of being this idiot's slave
Or, have a shower
And then go for coffee/grocery shop/gardening
But leave the house so you can't get roped into doing his work for him

That would have annoyed me long before toodlerhood. Aggravated is a better word, I think. This leads on to resentment and burnout etc etc.

Book yourself a weekend away, or even just an evening/night and let him get on with it without you. Don't prep anything for him, he can parent, but he needs the space to learn and time to make his own mistakes.

"If you need help while I'm away, call your family or a mate. See you Sunday."

Stop running around cleaning.
Leave it.
Only worry about laundry and dishes.
Leave when he is on a call and have some me time.
Sit down & have a chat with him..surely he loves being eith his child and toddlers are easily entertained oh Dad.