Would this annoy you?

[Petrice]

DH has massively not stepped up to care for our toddler and it’s a huge bone of contention between us. He always says he’ll do more and doesn’t. His family are aware it’s a big issue and that we are on the verge of separating.

He probably has sole care of her twice a week for up to an hour. I do everything else. Almost without fail, rather than spending time engaging with her, he uses the time to make video calls to family and talks to them in depth. He says he’s building a bond with them, but mostly it’s just waving the phone at her then having a chat with them. I am then in the background rushing around cleaning and getting everything we need ready, and I’m sure that his family think I’m BU and horrible.

It really irritates me.

Don't do his laundry, don't cook for him, don't clean any room he solely uses (if there is one), don't buy any food he likes to eat. Any messes he makes, pick up his stuff, throw it in a box/basket and leave it to him to sort. In the interim, get all details on his finances in a row and if you feel like following through, see a divorce lawyer.

Rather than him looking after her for an hour of "free" time (which he then uses to call his family), make sure he has her for specific times (eg takes her swimming or does bathtime).

You shouldn’t have to manage your dh like an employee though. That in itself is exhausting.

Agreed. I hate it when people make suggestions like this. My husband is a great dad but went through a stage of just watching football with our son until I told him that wasn’t good enough and he changed. You can’t just leave your kid to do whatever an incompetent parent thinks is acceptable.

my husband does something similar. He might look after all 3 of our children at once,, perhaps once or twice a month for 20 mins. During that 20 mins he will always video time his parents and say oh gosh it’s hard being me and looking after 3 kids. I get such a rough time at work and then made to do this all the time!! But it’s never all the time. It’s just those minutes and he will call them without fail. Performance parenting entirely. His parents think I’m shite even though I looo after them almost the entire time including putting all of them to bed solo (even when he is in the house probably scrolling) because that’s his narrative

"This "carving out" time really is the latest cliché on Mumsnet 🐑🐑🐑"

🖕