AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

I think with these sorts of events, there is clear divide.

One set of parents see it as a bit of fun, a minor social bustle, something inoffensive to do for a change.

One set see it as an hour spent feeling pressured to spend money on tat. Awkwardly running into people you vaguely know, but probably don't want to speak to. Trying to work out how little time you can spend there without seeming rude.

I am not sure there is anything in the middle.

PTAs do some great work, but it will never be wanted by everyone.

Ha ha love this thread. We called them Mufti days at my school in SE London but they were called own clothes days at DSs school (also SE London).

I do love a parent who says they weren’t told, having been the PTA Treasurer for the whole time DS was at primary I heard it a lot - always from the same bloody people! God knows how teachers cope with it.

My H does it as well - constant refrain is ‘nobody told me that’. I now tell him to go and find the person that told me (obvs non existant) and ask them to tell him as well next time. It took a fair old while for that penny to drop.

Again, absolutely none of that is in any of OP's posts. It's complete projection from someone who assumes PTAs are full of self-aggrandising queen bees desperate for recognition.

OP made a mild observation. She, and her fellow PTA members got called all kinds of names and accused of unpleasant motivations. OP defended herself after being attacked having not attacked herself and continues to be accused of attitudes she hasn't even vaguely demonstrated.

It's not OP who ought to step back and reflect.

I've been on both sides of the old PTA/communications thing and find it weird that you genuinely lack this much critical thinking that you can't imagine why a parent could be distracted.

I used to be chair of our PTA and also work full time in education, and was quite organised. But then I got diagnosed with a chronic condition, my DH got transferred to a department where he had to work away during the week, and I lost one of my parents. So now I find I do just skim over things or vaguely pick up on some bits but not others 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also mufti is a bit outdated and non PC. You can defend it all you want but that doesn't really change the origin of the word and I'm surprised to hear that schools adopt it as I've never heard it in real life! But I am not in England and didn't grow up in the UK (or speaking English all the time) so I just think of it as a kind of Enid Blyton jolly hockey sticks type of word as I think that's where I first heard it!

The spelling of fayre is really really common for schools, community things - i see it used loads round here

Sorry I can’t get over the term “mufti” - it has made me chuckle

I am in my 40s and never heard of such a thing and if I heard it out of context I would never in a million years guess that it related to wearing your own clothes

You really do learn something new every day

I have occasionally been told what I 'think' on MN (latest was 'you think you are clever'). Obviously no-one else can know what someone thinks. They can only judge (and in this instance on minuscule information).

However, I'm here to talk about OP, and how the above reflects on human nature. As regards this post by @grumpygrape, I think it's totally spot on. Nobody can be sure that they know what someone else thinks, or why they do things.

So yes OP, don't make assumptions (although it looks unlikely that you do). Have a chat with the lady. Perhaps find out what it's really all about. Oh, and good for you being on the PTA. I don't envy you!

It is not that unusual to refer to it as a fayre, that's what my DC's school used. I imagine fair as a travelling one with rides. A summer British school fete is not that!

I am not sure if the Mum is unreasonable. Some DC barely talk to their parents and aren't excited by these things. Perhaps she is not able to think of these things in an obvious way like if her brain doesn't work like that.

Oh give over. She started a thread about how baffled she was. She wasn’t baffled. Thay over used mumsnet word. She was being snidey about this woman, anyone with an ounce of critical thinking knows sometimes life gets in the way,

and then she went on about how she was in the trenches raising money for other people’s kids.

its the worst stereotype of a pta member, she’s demonstrated the worst of it. And it’s why so many women don’t want to be near the ptas due to this judgemental over inflating behaviour.

I can believe it. I suppose it’s just caught on and spread, like lip fillers or Covid. I just don’t get why it started in the first place. It’s obviously meant to conjure up images of quaint medieval revels, but it’s completely artificial and stupid.

I agree there is nothing wrong with the use of 'fayre'.

Very odd thing to get so worked up about though and to dictate what OP should be calling it. If that's the way school spell it, why wouldn't she refer to it that way?

Love the way these threads always get derailed...just to add my bit, I say "Civvies" instead of "Mufti" 😄 another army slang word

It's the other way around, 'fair' is the wrong word to use it is an imposition. I still say, 'forrid' as do my parents as opposed to forehead and many other words that are supposedly, 'wrong', they are absolutely not.

As said by a few people, her children probably told her it was non uniform day. If it was communicated via a letter or email titled PTA fundraising event maybe she just didn’t read it as irrelevant and not a priority in her life at that moment.

We get many many letters from school every week, most of which come through when I’m sat at my desk at work. I tend to scan and react to the ones like school trip payments, lunch options and not bother with the PTA ones as lower priority

I haven't addressed the "fayre" thing because fuck me if this thread does not need another tangent! 😂

I called it that because that's what the school called it, and that's how the PTA secretary, who designs and writes the comms, also chose to spell it.

I also thought that the word worked this this:

Fair - Just/reasonable/light skinned or blonde.
Fare - the fee you pay for a bus/train/taxi
Fayre - an event, another word for Fete.

I may be wrong. That's OK. I can live with it.

But it's really nothing to get worked up about.

I don’t think that’s right. ‘Fayre’ is “pseudo-archaic” - according to an internet search.

To those who say “so what?”, fair (!) enough. I just dislike this sort of twee rubbish.

Anyway. I can’t see why anyone should be worked up about a parent unaware of a school fete.

I didn't say it to be twee. I just thought that was the word for it

They were saying the info/emails were pointless shit not necessarily just your fayre. It may well have been lost amongst the waffle of year 6 trip ( when your kid is year one) the next theme some class is doing etc

Caught on? It was used at my school in the mid 70s. Often a strawberry fayre in June lol

I wasn’t suggesting you use it to be twee. I was suggesting that you picked it up from the school. And that it’s a twee description of a school fair or fete.

I can just about see that it might be used self-consciously for something like a themed ‘Medieval Fayre’. But otherwise I think it belongs in the bin.

Wow. There's a lot of insecure parents on here, clearly feeling guilty about their lack of effort.

Really not the OP's fault you cba.

I think you’re agreeing with me. It’s caught on over the years.

Who said it was But then you don't have to BA but that doesn't give the OP leeway to start slagging off the parents who aren't into this kind of thing

Caught on since when? Obviously if I can remember it from 50 years ago...