Would you leave a 2 year old with older siblings for hours?

[Wouldcou]

Would you leave 4 children age 16, 15, 11 and 2 alone to go to the gym. It will take 3-4 hours due to public transport?

Mostly the issue is with the 2 year old I have left the other three together before to go shopping. Have never left the 2 year old.

You must live in the back of beyond if there’s no gym nearer than 2 bus rides away! In this instance, I’d say no, it’s not ok to leave your 2 year old for so long.

No, unless it's clear it's a formal babysitting gig so one of the 16 and 15 year olds, preferably the older one, knows they need to be with the 2 year old all the time. They can't just all be at home doing their own thing with the older ones 'keeping an eye on' the 2 year old. Otherwise too much risk of all three of the older one's each thinking someone else is watching the toddler, at a crucial moment when an accident could happen.

Can you not just go for a run, or go to a park on your own and do some circuits? One hour instead of 4 and £10 cheaper

But plenty of 14+ year olds babysit toddlers outside of the family home, for money. If the 16 year old is happy to do it then no problem.

The argument that teenagers are parents is a red herring in debates like this.
A parent (whatever age) gets thrown in at the deepend and emersed in being a parent. You very quickly have to switch mindset from independent individual to person responsible for a dependant child! Things become automatic and you develop a thought process that involves always being alert and thinking ahead. Admittedly some are better than others at doing this, but the 24 hour a day responsibility is there regardless.

A teenager who babysits, spends the majority of their time thinking of themselves without responsibility for another little human. He/she hasn't built up the experience or mindset of what a 2 year old needs or anticipate potential problems.

They can learn, but most teen babysitters only do evenings when the baby is asleep. And most aren't doing that in a busy household with other teens/ children who also need oversight.

@Wouldcou I think it's ok but probably not sustainable. I'd get heiver weights and/or a heavy kettle bell.

No I wouldn’t. It’s not the 16 year olds responsibility

My siblings used to look after me all the time when I was a toddler. Some of my earliest memories are of them. I think it’s fine BUT I would compensate them in some way. My niece looks after my kids sometimes, but I always give her a take away or some money for it.

I might be missing something, but wouldn't it be easier to find a closer gym?

I think that’s a big ask with an unclear benefit. I really, really hated babysitting so I pay my daughter if I ask her to watch my son.

It'd be too far away for me to feel comfortable, if it takes over an hour to get back and you're looking at 2 buses.

I think in essence you’re surely asking “is the 16 yo old enough to be paid to babysit a 2 yo”. Or the 15 and 16 yos together but of course that makes it more complicated, not having one person in charge.

I think it’s better to frame it that way - and pay! - because it confers a definite responsibility on the eldest one(s). They’re not just being “left at home with them” the eldest are doing a job.

And tbh they are babysitting the 11 yo too, the 11 yo isn’t one of the babysitters as they’re too young to be left alone for any real length of time. So the eldest have that responsibility too.

When I first left my eldest to look after my youngest (paid - there’s a 5 ye gap and I first went out briefly when eldest was 15) I made sure I have the means of getting back very easily and quickly.

It’s a big ask of kids though, and I would never do it regularly.

I’m afraid I do think that’s sexiest. A different personality, fine. The fact of being a girl/ boy, not fine.

It plays into the mentality that puts responsibilities- unfair responsibilities- on girls from an early age, and infantilises boys by expecting them to be incapable, and giving them free passes to be selfish (not in this case but in other cases).

I would start by giving him little bits of responsibility and working up - start with a few mins whilst you’re bust in the house, then whilst you nip to the shop or similar, then trips to the park. Could be really good for them both!

You son could have the makings of a great partner when he’s older if he is allowed to take some responsibility now (albeit in a gradual way) or it could open up ideas of career paths that he might not have thought of - “oh maybe I could be a primary school teacher” or whatever.

But it's not just a 2 year old.
There are 2 other children in the mix too. The 11 year old is toddlers favourite, so the 16 year old will have to monitor their interaction which is another skill set altogether. And there's a 15 year old there too.
Teens/tweens don't always take kindly to being put under the responsibility of another sibling close in age.
Edited to say, I realise you have acknowledged the 11 year old too. Sorry

Why this gym?

must be closer ones than
an hours bus each way

Can you find a closer gym?!

Is there really nowhere closer than that?? Or one that has a crèche?

4 hours is too long imo. And you’d be too far away in an emergency. Join a gym with a crèche and bring 2 year old with you.
Or make a home gym if you can. My 3rd child is two, I go for little runs with him in the running buggy during his nap time when I can. Or home workouts when he’s asleep

No, not for that time, and not for a non essential thing such as a gym.

What does your 16 year old say about ur, are they responsible, what if their friend popped in or they got engrossed in TV.
Yes my DD was babysitting at 14 but when kids were asleep or ready for bed at least. We also did the same, but in both cases parents were local.
3-4 hours is a long time for someone not used to sole charge so if build up the responsibility.

Depends on the children. I was looking after 2 year olds for longer periods than that at 14. At 16 I was working in a nursery. I know people who became parents at 16, so based on age alone, it's absolutely fine. You will know your DC best and what they will manage.

On balance, I think you’re being unreasonable.

Teenagers are inherently self-interested. It isn’t just a 16-year old looking after a toddler, there are 2 other kids there that change the dynamic and could be a distraction.

You can’t get back quickly in an emergency, nor can the 16-year quickly get the toddler or other kids help if they need it.

Also, it’s just for the gym and it’s for an extended time.

IMO a gym workout isn’t worth the risk involved.

I always see this on MN but I don't know anyone IRL who would hire a 14-16 year old to babysit their toddler.

I think if your 16 year old is genuinely happy to baby sit and you’d pay them, then sure.

However gym once a week isn’t likely to help you much since you already do 30kgs at home.