DD EXTREME severe indecisiveness! Anyone know what this could be symptom of?

[Hannahandbaby]

Hey guys

AIBU to think my daughter's indecisiveness may need professional support?

dd is driving me and herself insane with her extreme indecisiveness. I’ve never seen anything like this.

for example.

going to eat.

she avoids going for months/years because she is worried she’ll struggle picking where to sit.

When we go out to eat. Every time she takes literally 10 minutes at least picking table (and that’s if we rush her to just pick one, she could take way longer if alone) and chair she will sit. Jumping from one table to another trying them out. One that feels “just right” And when she finally does she spends rest of meal stressed staring at other chairs and tables wondering if she made good choice and there’s a better chair and table she could of picked.

then the menu she is all stressed panicking choosing between options.

she ends up avoiding eating because she just can’t pick and picking causes great stress.

ive been telling her she just needs to practice picking any and deal with it, which she did but then she ends up all anxious and stressed for ages wondering if she made the right choice

there are many more very ridiculous examples, this is just one.

its now starting to affect her whole life, her mental health and causing bad stress.

Does anyone know what this could be a symptom of?

Other than avoiding going out to eat, how else is it affecting her life?

I think you should encourage her to see her GP ,I presume she's an adult?

She’s 17

How old is she and what are the rest of you doing while she does this pantomime?
who decided she is the chooser of tables? What would she do if you just said “we’ll sit here”

If we do this she would be very distressed, all anxious, unable to enjoy dinner and just stare at other tables the whole time there. I think that’s why we would let her do it.

she just turned 17

This sounds like it's anxiety driven behaviour. I would book an appointment and get her to the GP for a chat.

Can she see the menu before you go! And you pick the tables. My daughter was a little like this she checks things three times, has to say bye to a building but has got so much better now in her 20s she has pretty much grown out of it.

even every single tiny decision people make everyday without even thinking.

even what color socks to wear

17? How long has she been doing this controlling behaviour? Am assuming only child, so other dc haven’t been subjected to this?

Anxiety, maybe neurodivergence - does she share any other symptoms with the PDA profile of autism?

Forgot to add, she was diagnosed with ocd at 7 years old but after therapy she longer had it

she says this doesn’t feel like her usual ocd symptoms but I wonder if it’s related.

I was about to write rumination, pure O OCD

She needs to see the GP as this is a mental health symptom, some form of anxiety but could be something else driving it.

Has she had any mental health support before?

The first thing to do is to try to calm down overall - does she exercise, do yoga, meditate?

Does she want to go out for meals? It might be best to stop doing the things that cause distress just while she gets support.

What does she like doing, when is she comfortable? Do more of that.

ive been telling her she just needs to practice picking any and deal with it she knows this, you saying it will just make her feel worse.

What happens if you choose the table? And how comfortable is she eating with you at home?

She needs to get support from a GP, therapist or mental health professional this is not normal teen indecisiveness this is an anxiety based behaviour. Treat her with kindness and support.

You have a lot going on just now @Hannahandbaby with your friend and the house drama and dd, hope you’re ok!

Ok that's a pretty huge piece of info.

She needs support for her OCD again.

It sounds very similar to OCD to me. I don't think it can be 'cured' just controlled. She needs to see her GP.

My daughter who has adhd is like this, it's decision paralysis.

Indecision is a big symptom of depression, probably spilling from or contributing to anxiety, theres a lot of interplay there.

I was going to say this sounds like OCD so she very much does still have it I think

I think it could be OCD, just with a different fixation this time. Whatever it is, it needs a GP appointment in the first instance. If that doesn't prove useful and you can afford it, a private psychiatrist consultation would be the best way to pinpoint the cause before trying antidepressants or therapy.

She would just spend hours agonizing what to pick on menu at home

And when I pick the table she sits there the whole meal distressed staring at other tables

I was going to say it sounds like OCD to me and then you said she has previously been diagnosed with this at a young age. I think it is again OCD, it has just changed form. Needing the decision to feel "right" but then it never does feel "right" so constantly questioning herself and whether she should have done something different.

If I pick the table she will spend the whole meal distressed and looking at other tables

She isn’t comfortable at home either

It’s not controlling, ffs.