DD EXTREME severe indecisiveness! Anyone know what this could be symptom of?

[Hannahandbaby]

Hey guys

AIBU to think my daughter's indecisiveness may need professional support?

dd is driving me and herself insane with her extreme indecisiveness. I’ve never seen anything like this.

for example.

going to eat.

she avoids going for months/years because she is worried she’ll struggle picking where to sit.

When we go out to eat. Every time she takes literally 10 minutes at least picking table (and that’s if we rush her to just pick one, she could take way longer if alone) and chair she will sit. Jumping from one table to another trying them out. One that feels “just right” And when she finally does she spends rest of meal stressed staring at other chairs and tables wondering if she made good choice and there’s a better chair and table she could of picked.

then the menu she is all stressed panicking choosing between options.

she ends up avoiding eating because she just can’t pick and picking causes great stress.

ive been telling her she just needs to practice picking any and deal with it, which she did but then she ends up all anxious and stressed for ages wondering if she made the right choice

there are many more very ridiculous examples, this is just one.

its now starting to affect her whole life, her mental health and causing bad stress.

Does anyone know what this could be a symptom of?

Sounds like her OCD has returned. Bless her. It sounds so difficult for her - and you.

Back to the GP, I think. Could you look for therapists near you who specialise in treating people with OCD?

This probably isn't this at all.
Especially with your daughters background.

A few years ago I was hit with anxiety and absolute decision paralysis like this but completely out of the blue
It turned out to be Addisons disease. My adrenal glands had stopped producing cortisol.

I do have other autoimmune diseases so it was eventually tested for when I was in hospital for one of those. Got the steroid treatment and the anxiety disappeared almost immediately.

As I said I doubt this is the case, but just incase there are autoimmune disease in your family. Though it could be hard to get a dr to check on the basis of a random on the Internet

Wishing your daughter all the best and I hope she can overcome this soon

Yep, reading your post it was screaming OCD to me.

Rumination is a key aspect of OCD. She still has it, so will need additional support.

OCD.
Possibly anxiety and depression too.

OCD, OP. She needs ERT cbt, bless her x

I was going to say OCD or ADHD but sounds more OCD. Not a doctor. (I agree she should see one).

The fact she's had a previous diagnosis of OCD is relevant. It doesn't really go away - it can go into remission, as I understand it, but it can reoccur, often at times of high stress or in relation to hormonal shifts. It might not have a very obvious presentation, but pattern of a fear (which may be something realistic, unrealistic, or mundane) and then needing to perform a compulsive behaviour to alleviate the fear is the same. The pattern is easier to spot when the fear is irrational and the compulsion unrelated or illogical, but it can also happen that someone can have a perfectly rational fear which is just given more importance by their brain and a logical-seeming response, and sometimes the response is also entirely internalised ie a thought process rather than a physical action. I understand that the line is crossed when the person feels unable to not perform their fear-avoiding response (which is why it's considered compulsive).

Very much not an expert on OCD, but I wonder if the fear is of some bad outcome of the decision, and so the compulsion is to avoid the decision. Meaning every time she avoids a decision, it is reinforcing to the OCD bit of her brain that making a decision is risky because the bad thing could happen and she has successfully avoided it.

Some v useful things I have listened to/read about OCD recently are the Ologies podcast episodes on OCD, and a Substack blog called Cartoons Hate Her. That one is mostly paywalled, but all the OCD articles have a reasonable chunk readable and you can get a 7 day trial by subscribing for free (she doesn't have that many on OCD, you could easily read them all in half an hour).

Sounds like OCD, I struggled with decision making as a child and worried it was the wrong one, I definitely had OCD but was undiagnosed, I had to tap certain things a number of times or something bad would happen. Also always terrified of making the wrong choice. I do sometimes make my husband change tables at restaurants nowadays but it wouldnt be all the time, never considered that I might still have a bit of it

Trauma

Yep, me too, then read she was diagnosed when younger.

Things needing to be " Just right" is an OCD theme.

She needs to go back to therapy.

In my experience with my own child, now 11, this is ADHD symptom. Very distressing for the whole family at times and needs managed carefully as they also feel extreme guilt at their own indecision and has ruined many, many a day out for everyone, between choosing food off a menu, choosing a toy in a gift shop, choosing a prize at a games arcade.

Really scared to make a wrong choice and they end up not enjoying whatever they pick. Not all the time, hence we sometimes forget to plan ahead if it hasn't happened in a while, but things can be smoother if they can see a menu in advance etc.

We have tried lots of things in the moment such as giving a certain amount of time to decide, narrowing things down to say two options, and sometimes as a last resort making the decision ourselves so they get sometihing and stops everyone else waiting, but often still ends up very stressful.

We do let them know we understand, but that its not fair to keep everyone else waiting for a long time for them to decide and also our other children get to choose places to eat etc too when it's their birthday etc. I sympathise, we're still trying to manage this!

This sounds so exhausting for her. Second guessing every single decision, I feel so badly for her.

As somebody diagnosed with OCD as a child, this absolutely sounds like an OCD behaviour. Every decision is based on an irrational fear that something terrible will happen if not done “right”. It isn’t logical or measurable. You spend your life chasing a calm that never comes. It is debilitating. This is not a controlling behaviour and doesn’t deserve to be punished. I feel hugely for both you and your daughter. It sounds like therapy may be of help. I now live a very fulfilling, happy life from the outside, but it ruled every decision I made for several years. CBT and ultimately intense EMDR helped me hugely.

OCD, ASD, ADHD...so many possibilities.

I did wonder if she has any other unusual behaviours. Sometimes yp do, but the family is so used to them that they barely register.

It sounds just like me, could she be autistic or have ADHD?

OCD.

Are you for real ?

We do have autoimmune disease in family

she has complained of some symptoms recently like fatigue etc

we were about to make appointment to see gp

i will look into this too

thank you

Sounds like OCD or an eating disorder (or both). My partner had a miserable time choosing restaurants for this reason. I'd just let her find somewhere she finds safe, then go there every time you want to take her out. If you want to try somewhere new, leave her at home.

She's already doing that when she does choose the table herself, so as harsh as it may be just remove the choice from her and say "we're sitting here"

It could be OCD related.