AIBU to think about leaving career for an 'easier' job and more time with the kids?

[Swingingtree]

Not sure if this is the right place to open about this but basically, I have been progressing in my career and work full time from home with a company. The job is quite flexible in terms of picking up kids from nursery in case of illness, getting stuff done around the house, logging off on time etc. However, my employer won't allow me to go part-time and my mum guilt is eating me up. DC2 will start nursery full time very soon and I can't bear the thought of it. I've really enjoyed my 2nd mat leave and struggling to accept that I will be paying someone to look after my baby full time. I have been looking at admin council jobs, particularly term time ones, and I am thinking AIBU to want to apply for one of these roles? Or should I wait out the nursery years and just continue working for this company? My current work allows for stress-free mornings, stress-free pick ups, weekends without chores as they all get done during the week but I don't have any time with my babies. I will only see them in the morning and evening and during the weekend. It feels so unnatural. DH thinks I shouldn't feel guilty and that my work will come in handy when DCs are in schools for drop offs and pick ups etc.

I suppose my main concern is missing out on my career progression when the kids are older. Financially, we would afford the pay cut thanks to DH's salary + my salary is not much more than nursery fees. It's such a tricky one but it's all I have been thinking about lately. Would love to hear your stories and/or opinions. TIA xx

My time and memories of the years since my daughter was a toddler are far more valuable to me than the struggle that was toddlerhood. I don’t have many fond memories of that time of our lives. Being at home with two kids of toddler / pre-school age isn’t all it’s cracked up to be for many people.

@Aprilsun2 I don’t understand what you mean by “unnatural”. That sounds quite a pejorative term.

Your DH will still be on a good wage when part time. He could work 3-4 days instead of 5. Why should you sacrifice your career when your husband won’t go part time? Don’t leave your job.

You have a flexible career & WFH
Such roles are becoming increasingly scarce, so I'd think a dozen times before moving to something else.

-Children are expensive
-You would have limited/no flexibility working in an office.
-Consider the impact on your income, your pension, your medium- long term finances
-After the initial change how would you feel about having a job not a career

I'd stick with the current role.

@SpottyDeckchair thank you. These are very eye-opening points and I am welcoming them. I suppose the reason I am here is to be told I am not a bad mum and I should just go back to my job. I also think that DCs won’t feel the difference between 5 days at nursery vs. 4? So I am potentially winding myself up for nothing 🫣

You have the right to request flexible working so think about what you could request eg. 10 days in 9 and take other weekday as annual leave. Also when you go back to work you will have accrued extra annual leave that you can take as a day a week for a while.

@nutbrownhare15 my work is just not flexible with different working schedules. It is so sad. I am still in two minds as to what to do.

Don't knock having flexibility when they're in school. This month we have two sports days, a team tournament, a science fayre thing, and an afternoon showing off their work, all in standard working hours, for 2 kids. There are things they've declined as well. If they want to do any hobbies after school that aren't in school grounds, it's great to be able to pop out and take them and log back on. Before you move you need to check how flexible any new place would be for stuff like this and work out what you want your life to look like in a few years. Is your career one you'd easily be able to pick back up later?

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thanks for the eye opening comment. Appreciate this sort of insight since I don’t have much foresight into primary school years. I just hope their behaviour will turn out OK from attending nursery full time. I am obsessing about it at this point 😂

It's something I talk to my kids about now. They didn't hate nursery but never particularly wanted to go. When they were little they always asked why they were in after school club, why they had to go to nursery etc. But now they think we made the right choice, they get to do activities and holidays etc they wouldn't if one of us wasn't working or was working a much lower paid job. Yesterday their school was shut for voting for example and they had friends over while I worked, as they are old enough to entertain themselves (with some supervision and check ins)...if I had to go into the office every day they'd be in childcare on these days

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM. The grass isnt greener. Local councils are fairly large organisations. There are tons of interpersonal dynamics. Their budgets have been slashed and the council elections will have distabilised them more. They undertake some very important statutoty obligations like child protection, SEN education. Many workers work over their hours and dress in smart casual wear ever day.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick that is so nice to have that level of flexibility. I suppose I am feeling this way because I don’t know a single mum in my circle who works full time and doesn’t spend at least a weekday with her children. But on questioning why, I do wonder if it’s because of extortionate nursery fees rather than merely wanting to be with the kids. I appreciate not everyone is in a position to send kids to nursery FT. My understanding is that in the EU for instance, where childcare fees are not as high, preschoolers go to nursery FT and both parents work FT. Or am I just trying to make myself feel better 😂

I work full time and have done since dd was 12 months old. If you and husband go down to 4 days each then your child will only be in nursery 3 times a week.

@Girlygal as mentioned previously, my employer refused my PT request to drop a day. My DH won’t go PT.

You continue to work full time and your husband drops a day. Don’t throw away your career if your husband won’t compromise.

Yanbu

i has a very enviable glamorous career. It was not very flexible. I missed my baby (and went on to have 2 more) after a year of nursery. It wasn’t working for our family. Have been sahm and it’s absolutely been the right choice for me. I adore these years with little people

Her husband won’t drop a day

2 years ago I quit what sounds like a similar role and took a part time term time civil service role. I'm bored senseless and absolutely hate it.

For me it was not worth it at all.