To link pocket money to school effort?

[Arriett]

Cost of living and planning for a special holiday next year means we don’t have as much spare cash at the moment.

We have a big family: DC4 (YR), SC11 (Y6), SC10 (Y5) and SC9 (Y4). We have SC every other weekend and holidays. We all enjoy going on family days out but they inevitably end up in a gift shop with four kids whining for tat, same for supermarkets, fairgrounds, petrol stations… Often it’s discarded in the footwell before we even get home, and because SC aren’t here much and we’re often busy when they are, toys are barely played with.

I’d like to link some of their pocket money to effort with school. SC have apps for maths and English so we can see how much they do, and all have reading diaries. That way we can get them GoHenry cards and they can spend as they wish and it will help with their budgeting, they can open a savings pot, learn about interest, learn the value of money… And make me feel like less of a cash cow every other weekend.

We would still buy anything they need, this would be for extras.

How much pocket money do most people give at these ages?

* before anyone asks, DP is on board. He usually just says no to any requests so SC often come to me as I’m more likely to say yes *

How are you going to quantify effort though? It had better not be marks - that way disaster lies.

I give my kids a quid for every chapter book they finish (on top of their allowance). Would that work?

You need to say no to their requests for a start. Does it not annoy your dp when you give in to them?

I'm confused why you are linking having no spare cash to giving pocket money based on effort (and, as per PP - how on earth do you measure "effort" with children those ages (particularly the youngest)? Unless you learn how to say "no" the children are still going to ask you for extra!

Giving them pocket money and no random spare cash at other times makes sense, but linking it to "effort at school" means you are linking working at school to being paid- making that the motivation, rather than developing a love of learning for its own sake. What will you do in later years if they decide they are not bothered about the money and therefore won't bother to work at school?

How are you going to decide if they've done well at school or not?
The marks (grades) they get? Behaviour?
Could one child potentially have less money because as much as they try they just don't understand maths and got a terrible mark?
But their siblings get ££ because they got high marks despite being the annoying kids in class (hypothetical obviously).
I'd just give them a set amount of pocket money that they are in control of with clear guidance of what it is for and once it's gone.... it's gone and they can't ask for more.

Quantifying effort would be easy:

£x per book read (that they can talk about)
£x per ten minutes spent on maths or English app. There’s quizzes which are scored. I wouldn’t do against grades or attainment but against effort / time.

They have access to computers and tablets with the apps downloaded in both homes.

This is where I don’t know if I’m being fair though as their DM doesn’t agree with homework so they do very little at hers, whereas DC reads daily here.

It wouldn’t save us much money, I expect, but I hope it’d instil a bit of understanding of the cost of things?

I’ve just cleaned out my car and the number of (overpriced) magazines which were begged for, then trodden unread into the footwell makes me sad.

Is your Y6 going to age out of this school app in 3 months?

GoHenry costs money. It sounds like you'd been spending more time and money in admin than DC would gain from what they would learn from this EOW. Boundaries are a good idea but I would go for something simpler and easier to administer.

You may find it is counterproductive. One of my children would just go "nope" to any such bribery and just stop doing the work. Any sort of reward for chores or schoolwork or anything automatically makes it optional.

@Arriett sorry I still think it's unfair.
One day of just not being in a reading mood (it happens - tired, boring book etc) and a child is essentially being punished.

Unfortunately the two older SC don’t care about school already. Youngest SC does try.

All SC aren’t meeting expectations at school.

Not really, I wouldn’t expect them to do it daily (although the school does).

I would focus on that. Not money.
You need to say no to buying things.

You’re right about GoHenry, I’ve searched online since and there’s free alternatives though.

Homework is already optional at their mum’s and they don’t do it.

It’s not a great idea to link something you want them to have an intrinsic drive for to an external reward. We’ve never given money for household chores or working hard at school: they’re just expected and there are other consequences of them not happening. If DD doesn’t work hard to get the grades she wants if only impacts her; if she doesn’t sort the dishwasher out it impacts all of us. Docking 50p or whatever won’t make her work harder or pay more attention to the kitchen.

I think you need to do this, you are wasting money on absolute crap and they expect it. Give pocket money but once it's gone it is gone.

How would that work though?
If one doesn't read or do the app you say you won't be "rewarding" them?
Either you want them to "earn" the money or you don't.

Why not just stop buying tat? Set an amount of allowance and if they want an items say 'you can use your money for that'.

honestly I don't see how minutes on an app should mean more money. You might have a child who tries hard all day at school and doesn't feel like 20 minutes on a maths app in the afternoon getting less money than a kid who drifts through school but is happy to have iPad fun for money. How is that fair?

the main problem seems to be you saying yes to tat then feeling sad they have too much?

But they didn't buy the magazines. You did. You have the power not to, you don't need it all mediated by schoolwork apps and money apps and a child's decision making.

I would just give them a set amount. Maybe offer a bit more for extra (home) chores if you feel this would help, but set boundaries and really stick to them.

So your Year 6 regularly reads The Hobbit (tried to think of a longish, challenging book for this age group) every night and it takes them 2 weeks to finish. They get £x in 2 weeks.

Meantime your Reception child reads 3 books a night. They get £42x in 2 weeks.
Your Year 6 realises this is deeply unfair and starts reading 5 very short books a night. They now get £70x in 2 weeks.

Or you introduce a system of "worthiness for books" so they have to read books that you deem are appropriate for their age. Sure fire way to kill any love of reading. And you might want to look at the studies that show how much "reading for pleasure" correlates with academic achievement.

I also don't know why you are encouraging apps when all the current thinking is to restrict children's access to it. And if you are paying for time spent, then they can mindlessly click and spend the time without learning anything.

I think you need a rethink.

I wouldn't.
Conditional pocket money sucks.
Have a baseline that you get regardless and maybe reward efforts at report time or exams.

We do reading and apps every day here (as per school recommendations), as well as ensuring homework is done, as well as incorporating it into every day life: writing shopping lists, making recipes, writing letters, trips to places related to their termly topics.

We can’t control what their mum does in her house and it seems like it’s making little difference in catching them up because it’s inconsistent.

So I was hoping it’d have several positive effects: reduce the spending on rubbish, increase value of money awareness, and incentivise homework.

What would happen if they had different amounts of money especially the SC this could cause friction between them.

YANBU at all to start saying no to buying random crap in the gift shop.

I think YABU to link pocket money to effort at school. I don't know anyone who does this at primary school age (although some of my friends have given monetary incentives for GCSE results).

I wouldn't link it to school work. I was a total bookworm as a child and would have been raking it in, but that doesn't seem fair when reading wasn't an effort to me.

Also I don't think it's a good life lesson to only put in effort when you get paid. They need intrinsic motivation.

My DC who is in reception gets £1 a week, plus occasional extra 50p or £1 if they do something particularly difficult for them. Like they got £1 the other day because they managed to try something new in the swimming pool which they'd been afraid of for ages.

It's great because now when they ask me for tat I can just say "use your pocket money". Most of the time they decide they don't want it after all 😂

Fair enough. I am at a bit of a loss with SC and reading. I have tried a LOT to get them interested and they’re just not. I feel like reading is the foundation for all other learning. They have all read chapter books of their choosing whilst on holiday with us and to be honest it’s like pulling teeth. They’ll do it because we ask, but I’ve never seen any of them read for pleasure, even magazines. DC on the other hand adores reading, and has been read to daily from birth.

The apps are from the school, they ask that they’re used for 5-10 mins a day, 5 times a week.

DNephew (almost 8), gets pocket money and might get extra for chores (he’s expected to help out round the house though). It sounds unfair to do it for reading, maths and schoolwork. He saves through a money box. As others say they don’t always want to read, though he likes reading. His maths was behind so he goes to an outside maths class to improve. My DM who used to be a teacher helps him do school projects linked to homework. Which includes writing special documents eg on gladiators.