AIBU to limit teens having friends over in our rented house?

[Clubtropicanasun]

I've got two teens DD 16 and DD 17.5. Both are pretty social and like having their (mixed) friendship group around.

My rule is that they all have to leave at 10.30pm if they come at night. Mostly, I encourage them to come in the afternoon, then go out. And not more than once every month/6 weeks. And sometimes I'm even there upstairs so I can call out issues.

Does that sound reasonable? We've just moved into a new rented house so I'm a bit jittery about it. I try to be really considerate but obviously they make noise.

What's the issue/concern? Noise for the neighbours?

Yes, consideration for neighbours

Consideration for neighbours is admirable.

I wonder how much noise they could possibly make though?

They just do. Quite a lot of overexcitement sometimes, shrill voices. Music. Doors banging. I do try to minimilise it. But they're not massively aware.

I don’t know how close your neighbours are but if they would be able to hear then I would say you’re definitely not being unreasonable.
All our neighbours make “normal” amounts of noise, except for one who is extremely anti-social. Music blaring at random times, hysterical laughter at 2am on a weeknight sort of thing. We share a wall so it’s a nightmare.
Every now and then a bit of noise isn’t an issue. The other side have big family gatherings on special occasions and of course we can hear them but that’s just city life!

I think only allowing friends over once a month is a bit harsh - surely your rules re 10:30pm leaving are enough to ensure the neighbours are appeased by noise stopping at a reasonable time?

I think those are really considerate rules for neighbours but I don’t think you need to restrict to once a month. If things end early enough no one should mind if it’s more often.

That depends. I used to live next to a student house share and they had music playing from 4pm to 8pm every. single. day. Yes, it was legal but didn't help me as I could never relax in my own house after work with a mix of gangster rap and very bad attempts at operatic singing (they had an eclectic taste). I had to move.

I would want friends over all the time as I’d rather they socialized in my home than in somewhere unsupervised

People name to live lives. It’s not unreasonable to socialise in your own house.

Ok but this is the exact opposite end of the spectrum. I would say once a week is perfectly reasonable from both perspectives!

Is it that they are having a party like gathering once every 6 weeks or are friends only allowed and visit only every 6 weeks?. If its a gathering, then that is fine, if its just a friend being able to come over then that's nit right.

Out by 10:30pm, reasonable enough but once a month? Honestly I’d rather they socialized in the house at least some of the time rather than hanging around parks or whatever.

It’s great that you are being considerate of your neighbours but you have to live your life and your kids do too. Keep it to reasonable hours and talk to your kids about respect for neighbours. Even if you think it’s pointless, keep saying it.

I’m sure your neighbours wouldn’t want you to feel this worked up about living in your own home.

No, and I don't want this either. But if there are 10 or so kids, they can be loud and I don't want to put people out

Ok, so are they having like a big gathering every 6 weeks or so? Like a party? If so then that’s more than reasonable. To be honest I’d be keeping numbers like that to birthdays only.

What about friends over in general? The odd couple round for tea or a sleep over? Is that limited too?

I find this odd. I have 3 teens and will have 9 teenagers in my house Saturday to Sunday this weekend for sleepovers. Our rules will be that noise needs to be reasonable and from 11pm it needs to be low volume and respectful of neighbours. I like my teens to come to our house as I then know they’re safe.

I don’t know why you find this odd?

i also have lots of sleepovers - but with one or two girls - it’s when they want the bigger friendship group to come over that I get concerned about noise. It’s not a party - I’m told that’s 40 or so people - it’s just their bigger friendship groups.

I just wanted to know if I was being reasonable or not!

Asking that all non-overnight guests leave by 10:30 PM is reasonable. But you should not have to police them constantly; your teens are old enough be aware what constitutes unacceptable noise after you've explained the impact/acoustics of the new place to them and they can remind their friends to keep things down. Things like door-banging can be reduced to almost nothing beyond the very occasional accident with just a tiny amount of care. Consider telling them that future gatherings are dependent on keeping things under control/getting the group quiet if asked? Unless it's a huge group (in which case, limit the numbers) or they're sitting outside playing music/talking excitedly, the impact should be manageable.

Not a chance I would be having 40 over.
Ecen 10 is a lot.

It is perfectly reasonable to want to be respectful of neighbours and noise.

The larger the number, the greater the volume.
Especially with girls.

It sounds to me as if your house could be the house to socialise in.

Be very very careful of that.
If I was your neighbour and it felt like a party house, I might contact your landlord and give a heads up.

Teens have no idea of the volume they create.

My daughters are so loud when they have a crowd in for prinks🙄.

I certainly wouldn't be having a party for 40 having just moved in.
The risk of damage is just too great.

I think it's lovely that you think of the neighbours but you could probably relax a little bit more. Constant noise is awful, but hearing neighbours having a fun gathering once a fortnight or so is fine, especially if it ends at a reasonable time.

You sound very considerate OP. I have two DDs but mine are young adults. Sometimes their mates come round for a short while just before they all go out together and they just don't realise how noisy they are when they're all talking together, laughing etc. The volume can increase unintentionally. If there are 10 then I can see how that could get quite loud. If you're new to that rented property then I get why you don't want to create bad feeling with your neighbours. Once every 4-6 weeks is fine for that number.

I'm not having 40! Who said 40? I was explaining what they think a party is...i"m talking about 10 or so

Thanks everyone, I feel a bit more confident about it now. I dont want to be the fun sponge!

I don’t think it matters whether the house is rented or not. It’s just a case of basic consideration and common sense. E.g. if you live in a terrace house or even detached but in close proximity then having constant social gatherings, noise and loud music could potentially make life hell for neighbours.

Apologies, I misread that!
10 is still capable of causing a racket, well they are here for sure.

Have a firm conversation with them that you have neighbours and the noise needs to be at a reasonable considerate level.