cheeky to ask my mum about her dress sense?

[ScullyD]

My mum has always had a decent dress sense. She’s early 60s now and has always worn different colourful outfits etc.

except for the last x6 months or so she wears the same oversized shirt and black stretchy pull on trousers every time I see her. She also suggested I get a pair too ‘because they’re so comfy’! This is what my gran started doing aged circa 80.

every time I see her in photos with friends she’s in the same bloody outfit while her friends look stylish. She’s a 14-16 and feeling a bit overweight but she was always stylish regardless.

should I say anything or not? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but she looks like she’s given up and she’s a good looking woman too.

Leave her alone! She's in her 60s, she can wear what she wants. The pressure on women to look slim and fashionable is insane!

Leave her alone.

I would ask her about the change, as it’s not a good sign, she’s maybe feeling a bit fed up and “old”; I’m 57 and get days like that, but it would be a bad sign if I just went full and comfy!

I'm similar age and honestly, finding easy to wear clothing is a godsend. No need for me to follow fashion or wear office clothes anymore and I don't want to either. Dressing nicely is for going out, then it feels special. I'm of the view that no one gives a shit about what anyone is wearing anyway, and at our age we are more or less invisible which suits me fine!

its not about looking slim. The point is she has always had a varied fashion sense until the last 6 months or year maybe.

wearing the same outfit every day though? It seems odd. Seems so far the consensus is say nothing.

@maftaz i should say we want to a special occasion the other night and she wore a nice blazer but of course with that same outfit still underneath 😁

It’s not like you’re being mean either, I’d worry about someone of any age who had such a turnaround. My friend started wearing stuff like that when she was depressed in her thirties

Maybe she just can't be bothered with tight buttons and uncomfortable waistbands any more and she is now dressing for herself, good for her.

@Ophir this is what worries me! And I’m not sure how to tackle it without making it sound like she’s looked awful for the last year. Or hurting her.

I’d just ask her if shes feeling happier in comfies these days and what’s made her change it up. Don’t need to point it out as a good or bad thing just that you noticed a change and leave it to her if she wants to elaborate?

I suppose maybe part of it is selfish, enjoyed going for a night on the town as stylish mother and daughter.

the other part is concern. But maybe she really is just fed up of having to look and be a certain way?

Are you concerned about her generally, or it is just about what she's taken to wearing?

I'm your mum's age and I still adore clothes and fashion. It's possible that there might be something going on, and if you can talk to her about it sensitively perhaps you should. Only you know how she's likely to take it.

I'd be quite touched if one of my DC noticed I wasn't quite myself and spoke to me gently about it. I have a history of depression and when I feel like that the last thing I want to think about is how I dress, I just want to hide.

Is it the exact same shirt or variations of the shirt ? Maybe she doesn't like tops clinging to her, i am getting like that tops seem to stick to me and show bits im not keen on.

@DramaAlpaca I am somewhat concerned it’s linked to depression although she doesn’t seem depressed.

the other part of me thinks she’s just given up and leaned into looking like a pensioner. I feel she’s doing so before her time.

Leave it. There's no way to raise it without it being a criticism.

No woman on earth wants a comment on what she is choosing to wear. Whether you are a teenager with someone saying, 'You're NOT leaving the house looking like that' or a middle aged woman hearing, 'You're starting to let yourself go a bit aren't you? You always used to dress so nicely'.

I think I’d just ask her why the change in style?

It does sound out of character

I'm in my 70s and I'd totally hate it if my daughter didn't feel she could talk to me about this! I'd expect her to be very gentle mind you until we'd got to the giggling stage (are you telling me my arse looks massive!!) and then she could winkle out what's really going on. We may decide that I have a good reason to dress like that and then I'd get a hug and we'd move on. Please try and broach it with her, she'll soon shut you down if necessary.

How about a gentle "Mum, I've noticed you don't wear as many of the gorgeous outfits you used to wear. You're just as beautiful as ever, of course, but I was a bit worried in case you've not been feeling yourself recently?"

@Hatty65 thats true although she didn’t hesitate a few months back when she said to me ‘nice dress, not sure about the hairband though’ 😂

Yes I'd raise it gently as it sounds like there could be more going on.

I think you should ask if she's OK. It's not about her not looking as good anymore, it's about not maintaining her previous standards. It's OK if shes decided to be comfortable, but the same outfit all the time, even when dressed up, is quite a change for someone who previously enjoyed clothes.

My Gran was never fashionable to my memory, but was always presentable. When she got so she couldnt deal with zips and buttons, she adopted stretchy knited two pieces. Not what she'd have chosen but a smart comfortable option for her. Even my Dad, who's always been neat in the same handful of outfits worn until they needed replacing, has hated having to switch to joggers since a disability, and will do everything to avoid going out in them.

It's not the clothes themselves that matter, but what's happened for such a change in attitude.

@Gardenimp I think this is really the root of my worry rather than just being shallow.

The fact she was still wearing to a special occasion the other night really did make me raise an eyebrow. I may just have to risk hurting her feelings. Even saying it gently there’s no other way if had to be said.

I would talk to her and see if there is something going on as it’s such a big change. My mum is in her 70’s and always glam. I would be concerned if she started dressing so differently without mentioning anything.

If it is really out of character and you are close then say something , she might just be body conscious if she is busty she might feel her boobs look a bit like a "shelf" or she might just be hiding weight.

So dont say anything. Its a minor thing on its own.