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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No one likes being left out

31 replies

followersfriends · 28/04/2026 16:49

DD 12 in year 7 hates leaving anyone out and obviously doesn't like it much when she is left out although I tell her it's normal to not be invited to everything.

She has made a group of friends, there are 7 of them. They hang out at school and have had other meet ups as a group (not always the same girls). Dd likes all her friends but she is closer to 3 of them.

She isn't enjoying the big group stuff much at the moment as the girls have started egging each other on and it gets a bit full on, typical for this age. Dd would like to invite 4 of the group, which means 2 are left out so she is inviting 3 but leaving out a girl she really likes and wants to get to know better.

YABU = Invite the 4 you like and don't be too concerned about the 2 that are left out as dd not that close with them (still not nice for them)

YANBU = invite only 3 so 3 are not invited rather than 2.

Alternative is to invite only 3 (half the group), but arrange something with the girl she likes who isn't invited separately. This girl is lovely and dd likes her a lot and dd has been invited to her house a few times.

OP posts:
Newusername0 · Yesterday 10:47

She’s inviting them to the park, it’s not a big deal. Leave it last minute so not everyone will be able to make it and put a message on the chat, ‘heading to the park if anyone fancies meeting up’! There’ll only be a couple free anyway!

Twinpeaks1 · Yesterday 13:34

Definitely invite them all or just the one she wants to know better. I was part of a group of mums, where only half were invited to a playdate. This ended up being the catalyst of the group all going their separate ways, sadly. While there was more to it, this and other similar occasions were absolutely the main cause and hugely upset one mum in particular.

jcsc · Yesterday 19:40

Invite all and some are likely to cancel or already have plans. Then no one is left out

followersfriends · Yesterday 22:13

Newusername0 · Yesterday 10:47

She’s inviting them to the park, it’s not a big deal. Leave it last minute so not everyone will be able to make it and put a message on the chat, ‘heading to the park if anyone fancies meeting up’! There’ll only be a couple free anyway!

This is the best idea, dd will message the day before.

OP posts:
JLou08 · Yesterday 22:19

At that age , I'd invite the whole group. I was part of a big girl group at that age and there would be a lot of drama if anyone was left out. Sometimes divides in the group with one half bitching about the other. It's best to organically end up with some time as a smaller group.

WinterTreacle · Today 11:14

I’d say as long as they’re not blasting the ‘amazing time’ they had all over instagram etc then it is fine.
I think that is the most difficult part for those left out. Glad it wasn’t a thing when we were young!

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