AIBU to share a specific baby shower list with family?

[Scottishmamaagain]

Pregnant with our second baby. My family are insisting again that they throw me a small baby shower (will most likely just be close family). Which is lovely but unnecessary. We have most things from our first DD and the small list we have of things is quite specific, like we know from last time that we want to try a specific thing for a specific reason etc.

I am conflicted whether a should share this list with them, as they will either completely ignore it (I have spent time curating ideas for DDs Christmas/ Birthday and they by in large get ignored) or they will see it and get something similar/ cheaper, not the exact thing (last time I asked for a baby bouncer and got given a swing instead, we still used it but couldn’t move it around the house when needed and it took up a lot of room).

I will of course be grateful for anything we are given and make sure it’s used, it’s just frustrating as we already have a house full of baby stuff and only need a few specific baby items.

Just say nothing. Or specify no gifts at all thank you as you have everything you need

and then say thank you if you’re given anything

it really is as simple as that

I wouldn’t go producing a list of stuff you want

I think you need to say that you really only need a few specific things, otherwise a voucher or just their presence is enough. I didn't actually realise people bought presents for the baby at the shower

I wouldn't produce a list unless they ask and maybe say "We have a list of things we plan to buy (the specific item listed) in case you would like to buy something from the list but please don't feel obligated to buy for us as we have most things already."

I'd leave it. Just let them get what they want to get you and if there is something you specifically want just get it yourself.

That's what a shower is. It's to "shower" the person with gifts...

The things that you need - are they available from the same retailer? Could you ask for a gift card? I know people on MN are funny about that sort of thing but irl everyone I know would be on board with it.

The only time I’ve seen a specific request for a baby shower work was when people were asked to buy a book for the baby with a message inside instead of a card and gift. Most people are happy to give a book, and books can be bought at pretty much any price point so doesn’t feel grabby.

Sharing a specific list won’t really help if they have a history of going off list anyway because they thought this one looked better or that one was cheaper.

I would just leave it and if they ask for ideas just say something small like a book or something. I feel your pain on the specific items though, I sent dh out to get a bouncy chair thing so I could actually put 5 day old ds1 down and he came back with a swing. Was not impress and I had to fold it down to get it through the door (which I had to do a lot).

No list just buy those things yourself

I would just say no gifts actually

If they are going to ignore your list anyway they might as well not waste money on stuff you don’t need

Just say no, its not necessary, its grabby and tacky!

Giving them a list is giving mixed signals.

I'd say no to the baby shower personally.

Bearing in mind a baby shower is to get gifts not sure a list is the grabby bit.

If they're close family, I don't see anything wrong with sharing the list with them and explaining that you don't need much as already have a lot of stuff from 1st baby. They'll either ignore it or they won't but what have you got to lose? If they buy you stuff you don't want or need, you can donate it.

I have already said that don’t want another baby shower and that small or even no gifts when the baby is born is absolutely fine. But they are insisting and one particular family member is obsessed with having one by her own admission.

I won’t provide a list but I have explicitly said I don’t need certain things such as clothes, blankets and toiletries (last time we got give 4 things of talc which DP threw out as they were the johnstones ones with asbestos in them).

Don’t give them a list. Go and enjoy your baby shower and buy the things you actually want yourself.

Just say no, what are they going to do, drag you by the hair??

For goodness sake.

Grow a backbone and say no to the shower for goodness sake!

Oh they're 'insisting' and you have absolutely no agency here? 😂😂

Since you want a baby shower, you might as well hand them a list of items you want them to buy you.

Since you say they'll ignore it anyway, there's not much point in a list - I would only provide one on request.

If you get duplicates then maybe you could sell the old ones, or give to charity if you don't need the money.

Just say no gifts. Or ask people to just buy nappies in whatever brand you prefer.

Or just say no the baby shower

I like a baby shower 🤷‍♀️

@Scottishmamaagain definitely sharing a list would, surely, be the most useful (for you) and financially sensible (for them)

They are close family so I can't imagine offence would be taken?

Whether they choose to ignore is on them really but a bit disappointing for you.

Oh god it’s so embarrassing, just say no thank you.
Even in America where they do showers properly there’s no such thing as a second one .
I can’t even get over giving a gift before the baby is safely here. When I was a younger woman prams were kept at another family member’s house until the birth .
Possibly I’m hopelessly out of touch .
If your family want a little get together before the baby’s arrival just do that and call it that , don’t call it a shower and under no circumstances give them a list .