AIBU to share a specific baby shower list with family?

[Scottishmamaagain]

Pregnant with our second baby. My family are insisting again that they throw me a small baby shower (will most likely just be close family). Which is lovely but unnecessary. We have most things from our first DD and the small list we have of things is quite specific, like we know from last time that we want to try a specific thing for a specific reason etc.

I am conflicted whether a should share this list with them, as they will either completely ignore it (I have spent time curating ideas for DDs Christmas/ Birthday and they by in large get ignored) or they will see it and get something similar/ cheaper, not the exact thing (last time I asked for a baby bouncer and got given a swing instead, we still used it but couldn’t move it around the house when needed and it took up a lot of room).

I will of course be grateful for anything we are given and make sure it’s used, it’s just frustrating as we already have a house full of baby stuff and only need a few specific baby items.

I don't.

Tacky and grabby - but that is only my opinion

So have the event say not to presents simple

I've never had one because we've lived abroad for both my pregnancies so far, but my DH is American and they're very standard in the US.

No one thinks they're tacky or grabby. Maybe I'll have one for my third, when we've moved to the States.

Just FYI op you may have thrown away perfectly good baby powder. None of the brands now contain talc (the potentially cancer causing ingredient) they are all made of corn starch.

Just say no to the shower! You aren't being held at gun point and the weird person insisting could just take you out to lunch- alone.

Out of interest, if people give gifts at the shower, are they also supposed to give another one once the baby is born?

Just tell them that it's lovely of them to suggest it but you don't agree with baby showers (because they're tacky and grabby) so you don't want one. That way, you won't have to wonder about a list and they won't waste money on things you don't need.

Where I am, showers are for the first baby. After that, you're expected to be pretty much set up so a second shower would be considered a gift grab.

If you really didn't want a shower or gifts, you'd insist back at them. Nobody can force you.

This is very strange. Why does someone insist on giving you a shower when you have specifically said no?
It sounds as if communication is bad, and people don't hear what you say.
I think you need to talk to family members about respecting your decisions.

I would stick with what you’ve already done and just let them know things you already have enough of.

I also threw away talc gifted to us as i didn’t know what to use it for. I later read it is handy for getting sand off you at the beach.

You could share the list and expect nothing. Just be thankful for anything they give you as a gift.

Yeh there is quite a distance geographically and it sounds like they have done a lot of the organising so it could be a surprise, so there has been no communication. The last one was a total surprise. On seeing my mum the last time in person she asked if I wanted another one, to which I replied no. But it looks like other family member has still went full steam ahead with organising. Whereas my mum let it slip over the weekend on the phone, as it became clear that logistically they couldn’t get me in the right place for the surprise as I said I wouldn’t be travelling too far while heavily pregnant as DD was born prematurely.

Ok. It sounds like a done deal then.
Don't share a list. You could always donate items to a Baby Bank when you get home.

Voucher,. Think of the environment.

Most people like buying baby gifts more than most kinds of gifts. I guess it takes away some of the joy and goodwill for others and makes it quite transactional.

I don’t really have friends or family who would ask for something specific as they’d just buy those things themselves. How much are you expecting people to spend?

That book idea is lovely I would suggest that if they insist on buying.

Just because they are standard in the US, doesn't mean they're standard in the UK.

No matter what anyone says, to me they are grabby, look at me I had sex and now I'm pregnant, so bring me gifts.

I've never had a baby shower nor anyone offer one but I've been to a fair few. Some were OTT (and not my vibe at all!) but one of the quieter ones where you could tell the Mum-to-be was appeasing relatives who wanted to throw it, they sent a note saying they had all we need but would love this opportunity to collect items for the local women & children's shelter. They provided guest with some ideas of things the local shelter needed for new Mums. I know one of their relatives grumbled but everyone did it, in fact friends and I bought even more than we likely would have if the gifts were just for the Mum, and the Mum to be was thrilled! The shelter was so incredibly thankful that that women mostly escaping domestic abuse had some lovely special new items for their babies. Might that be an idea? I have forgotten the details of 95%+ of the baby showers I've been to, but that one stays with me because it was such a lovely thing to do!

Sounds like you have some lovely family members who want to come together and celebrate you and your baby. Go and enjoy the shower. Let them buy whatever they want and if you don't need it donate it..

Same. People can’t force you to have one.