AIBU to try and make hen do more fun despite brides wishes.

[ThatMerryMintExpert]

I am being bridesmaid to one of my friends in a couple of weeks time. It was really awkward when she asked me as I genuinely don't think we are close enough friends, I am however very close to brides sister as we were childhood friends growing up.

I asked her if she had any thoughts on a hen party and who she would like us to invite. She was then very specific about what she wanted (and didn't want) and was almost rude about the 3 bridesmaids hens as she said she explicitly didn't want anything like ours. For mine we stayed away from home for a weekend in an air b&b and went out to a club (appreciate its not to everyone's taste) but she said she wanted something more classy. The other bridesmaid said 'oh do you remember mine, we made beauty products' to which the bride said 'Oh yes, I remember putting porridge on my face'

So she has made it clear what she doesn't want, nothing too expensive, nothing tacky, no crafting type activities, no penises of any kind, no strippers, and very minimal alcohol.

She has stated she wants it to be low key, but classy. She would like us to have prosecco, but not a great deal as she doesn't want it to be about alcohol, and a pizza and to watch a film (bridesmaids being the obvious choice)

I am at a loss as to how to make this fun. No one wants to pay out any money, so we are having it at the brides mother in laws house. There are 10 people that have said they are going including the bride, 3 bridesmaids, both mother of bride and mother of groom and sister of groom.

The 3 bridesmaids including me have been messaging to see how we can make it fun or at least feel a bit special. Its starting at 4pm and at this rate will likely be finished by about 8. 4 people have mentioned that they won't be drinking as they are driving. I was going to stay in a hotel locally, but now think I might as well drive back the 2 hours and save some money. We have thought of having a popcorn type stand, sweets for the film and ordering in pizzas.

I just dont know how to make it fun without going massively away from brides wishes. I am now half thinking of feigning illness and not going. Not really an AIBU, but more of a what do you suggest wonderful people.

She has been very clear on what she doesn’t want and what she wants.

your issue seems to be that you don’t like it and want to make it fun by including stuff she’s said she doesn’t want.

if you are organising it then saying you are ill is going to be tricky. Can you not manage for however long it will be? Clearly it isn’t your cup of tea.

Have you seen those "bring a tray" when it's of a theme/colour. Could help with catering and it's a bit fun for everyone to chip in......seems to be a thing on insta arm

It's not about you, it's about what the bride wants!

Surely she’s told you what she wants and all you need to do is deliver?

Why agree to do this if you are not close?
Why not give her exactly what she wants?
So what if its very low key?
She's happy, the end.

Just because someone asks you, doesn't mean you have to agree to it.
Why isn't her sister doing it?
Hand over the job.

She thinks you have no class, you think she's boring. It doesn't have to be a raucous event. Maybe organise some other bits and pieces, e.g. some nice desserts, etc and leave it at that.

If you invited me to this hen do, I'd think it was great! Could you do some games? We did 'Mr and Mrs' at one hen do, where beforehand the bridesmaids had asked the groom a bunch of questions and she had to guess the same answers.

Not sure pizza and a movie is classy! Champagne afternoon tea perhaps. Then get the other bridesmaids and enjoy your evening.

Can you do a quiz, like mr and Mrs? That can be really fun and in keeping with a relaxed vibe

Start at 1pm and make it an afternoon tea that’s expected to end at 8.

You can have pro and no-secco as well as nice treats. If people don’t know each other a few ice breaker games will do you a load of good.

maybe a few hand / footmasks, nail files (or pay for a couple of at home manicurists to come and there’s a cheap polish only options to everyone is included?

if 1-2 of you will stay over that’s the time to crack out the film and order pizzas etc

I’m definitely in the bride’s camp here - and she has chosen what’s fun for her. The stuff she says she doesn’t want sounds like tacky hell to me, too.

Given it’s for her wedding and not yours, please respect her wishes. You can make it fun by being fun. Getting pissed and shrieking over penises is not the only way to have a good time.

It’s her call!!

4 hour round trip to watch a film? No thanks. I'd take the feigning an illness option.

I get it’s not your thing but it is hers and it is her hen do. To me hers sounds perfect and yours is my idea of an interminable evening and time away with people I wouldn’t necessarily choose to have a break away with BUT that matters not because it’s what you wanted to do so I would have done it. So I think you all need to grow up and do as she asks. Am sure you will
manage to enjoy it.

I agree, it’s going to be quite dull but it’s only a few hours of your life. Could you ask the bride what she DOES want, rather than what she doesn’t? She’s already been so specific about her hen do dislikes that it’s hardly going to be much of a surprise anyway.

Tell her that you are struggling for ideas.You can’t get it wrong if it’s all agreed by her.

She's said quite clearly what she wants, don't change it without checking with her.

Everyone brings a board: crudités, cheese, beige, fruit /berries, brownies. Food sorted.
then have some getting to know you games (writing down stories about the bride and we have to guess who told) and the Mr and Mrs game where you interview her husband (great if you can make it into a video). Get some nosecco in too so the non drinkers can join in with the drinking, then watch the movie. Popcorn aounds good, then maybe a loaded hot chocolate for desert? A face mask on while watching movie?
you could also have everyone in matching PJs while you’re there

Do 100% what she wants; luckily in this case it is very easy to do so.
This would be a great night with the right company — as you are anticipating it won’t be, it’s probably about the people going. You could drag that group out but they would still be the same people, you wouldn’t have an ounce more of fun and you’d be a lot more out of pocket.

It’s obviously a champagne and afternoon tea she wants - not pizzas! Can you not have tea in a hotel? Where are you based? Must be somewhere pleasant to go!

I genuinely don't think we are close enough friends,

You're being controlling. It's not about you, it's doing something low key that the bride wants. Stop.

You go do your fun clubbing stuff elsewhere.

If she has asked you to do this, she thinks this is fun. You don’t need to make it more (your idea of) fun because this is her idea of fun.

Just do what she wants….. my hens didn’t listen to my nice meal and a trip to the theatre ideal and I got got sushi making when I DONT like fish 15 years later and I’m still miffed!

I like the bring a tray idea and the popcorn station!

My bridesmaid did make me cards from them that with a memorable photo of us from the past and gave them to me throughout the day which was a nice touch and I still have them and found them when moving recently!

Honestly just do what she wants!

She has said she wants prosecco, pizza and a film.

You could add in fancy flavoured popcorn like you can buy at the cinema. Put it in those stripey cardboard containers.

Maybe some nice desserts.

Maybe some mocktails?

It could a nice evening in the right company.

Be honest, the issue isn’t the activities themselves are they? It’s the fact you aren’t particularly close to the bride and hens and it’s all a bit of a palaver to organise something for someone you don’t know inside out.

I agree with you for what it’s worth, I’ve been to some chill, low/no alcohol hens and it’s still involved a trip to somewhere nice (maybe brunch or afternoon tea) and/or an activity, like a mobile spa or a crafting activity. What she wants does sound very low key. But, I’d just suck it up and organise exactly what she wants. There are surely only 3 or 4 other people going beside her sister, bridesmaids and DM/DMIL? View it as a few hours to try and have a good time at and, if you don’t, it’ll be done before you know it. I would book a hotel room as well, I think driving back is pretty off as a bridesmaid unless she has literally said she wants everyone out by 9pm. Feigning illness is a crap thing to do +++