AIBU to try and make hen do more fun despite brides wishes.

[ThatMerryMintExpert]

I am being bridesmaid to one of my friends in a couple of weeks time. It was really awkward when she asked me as I genuinely don't think we are close enough friends, I am however very close to brides sister as we were childhood friends growing up.

I asked her if she had any thoughts on a hen party and who she would like us to invite. She was then very specific about what she wanted (and didn't want) and was almost rude about the 3 bridesmaids hens as she said she explicitly didn't want anything like ours. For mine we stayed away from home for a weekend in an air b&b and went out to a club (appreciate its not to everyone's taste) but she said she wanted something more classy. The other bridesmaid said 'oh do you remember mine, we made beauty products' to which the bride said 'Oh yes, I remember putting porridge on my face'

So she has made it clear what she doesn't want, nothing too expensive, nothing tacky, no crafting type activities, no penises of any kind, no strippers, and very minimal alcohol.

She has stated she wants it to be low key, but classy. She would like us to have prosecco, but not a great deal as she doesn't want it to be about alcohol, and a pizza and to watch a film (bridesmaids being the obvious choice)

I am at a loss as to how to make this fun. No one wants to pay out any money, so we are having it at the brides mother in laws house. There are 10 people that have said they are going including the bride, 3 bridesmaids, both mother of bride and mother of groom and sister of groom.

The 3 bridesmaids including me have been messaging to see how we can make it fun or at least feel a bit special. Its starting at 4pm and at this rate will likely be finished by about 8. 4 people have mentioned that they won't be drinking as they are driving. I was going to stay in a hotel locally, but now think I might as well drive back the 2 hours and save some money. We have thought of having a popcorn type stand, sweets for the film and ordering in pizzas.

I just dont know how to make it fun without going massively away from brides wishes. I am now half thinking of feigning illness and not going. Not really an AIBU, but more of a what do you suggest wonderful people.

It could a nice evening in the right company.

Especially if the Prosecco is fairly free-flowing!

She’s told you what she wants. A hen do doesn’t have to involve loads of drinking or spending loads of money. Deliver what she wants, maybe you could get her a nice outfit to wear or if you’re all watching a film, do a snack stand but just because you think it’s going to be boring doesn’t mean she will.

Obviously? She asked for wants pizza and prosecco not afternoon tea

Thanks everyone, I will leave it as it is. Like you say, its her day. Unfortunately we can't start any earlier, so its definitely a 4pm start. We can't do the trays of food, because takeaway pizza is one of the non negotiables. She really isn't into foot masks or manicures etc, otherwise that would have been a great idea. I'm sure it will be fine. I was just after finishing touches. I have asked all invited to send photos and I have had them developed and made into bunting.

I quite like the sound of it - early start, early finish, no pressure on people to be drinking.

I think the issue is you aren't close to the bride and feel that this isn't something you would choose.

To me a hen do is about having a group of friends celebrating the bride to be/a gathering of a group which you are doing by having everyone round for a film and food.

I would check back with the hen she is happy with this and then stick with it.

Honestly, the bride’s ideas sound great to me. Just do what she has asked for. It doesn’t need to be your version of fun - it just needs to be what she likes.

I went to hens where every guest was asked to bring socks/pants that represented something about their relationship with the bride. The bride had to guess who each was from. That was good fun. I’m more like your bride in terms of what constitutes a fun evening!

I'm really glad this wasn't a thing when I got married. My DH didn't do a stag do either although they were more of a thing at the time. The wedding was fun and also pretty low key.

What makes you say that? This sounds like hell to me

How about a Singlalong movie, or a recorded live performance you can all join in? Something cheesy like Steps or Take That.

She has told the bridesmaids she wants pizza. How ok earth do you know this lady you’ve never met more than herself?

There’s a few nice games on Etsy that are things like draw what you think the dress will be like. Who knows the bride type questions. Mr and Mrs quiz.

I asked all the hens a story about them and the bride beforehand and we read them out and guessed who was who.

It sounds better than those ones where you have to pay a grand to go abroad and have a list of things you're not allowed to wear, or where you have to go to a strip joint.

Sounds like my kind of hen party!
Why not pick something like Mama Mia and make it a singalong? Add in special desserts, ice cream or chocs perhaps?

The other hen do(s?) wasn't her idea of fun, but she went along with it for the bride. Time for everyone else to do the same for her and realise this is what SHE regards as fun and it's her choice.

If you're after practical ideas to make it more special:

• As well as the bunting, you could make a guest book with everyone writing a nice message in it for the bride and wishes for the future / marriage advice.
• Mr & Mrs game where you video the groom answering questions. You all have to guess what he'll say. They can be romantic, gently funny etc and tailored to the bride's sense of humour.
• Ask everyone to bring a gift - maybe something for her honeymoon? My bridesmaids arranged this as a surprise and people got me suncream, make up, sun hat (admittedly also glow in the dark condoms but that won't be what your bride is after I'm assuming!) The socks idea up thread is nice.
• I've been on another hen where we all had to pick questions and answer them - things like favourite memory of the bride, how did you meet her, how did you meet your own partner etc. It was really funny and nice and really got conversation going.

Just some thoughts...x

These are really good ideas thank you. The guest book is a great idea. That way she can use the photos from the bunting when she's finished with it.

A pizza and a movie sounds like a nice thing to do. If I think of my child who’s autistic would loathe anything at all that would put the spotlight on her. Maybe the bride thinks likewise and just wants to get together and have a movie and pizza and no games or anything?

It’s ok to be different.

It sounds like it would be a good idea to just do what she wants (although pizza and a movie isn't my idea of classy, more 8 year olds sleepover than posh hen do!)

Could you do a balloon arch/photo booth, get some silly props like moustaches, hats, masks with the groom's face on etc and have a laugh taking lots of photos together so that she can keep them as a momento?

It sounds boring I agree
if it doesn’t get more fun I too would consider pulling a sickie.

What if you did a little champagne afternoon tea to start with?

Scones, jam, clotted cream. Some little cakes, either from a local bakery or even just Waitrose/M&S. Get some nice loose leaf tea in, and a good teapot. If you've got time, pick up a couple of cake stands and some vintage style crockery from somewhere as well. You could do a small number of finger sandwiches given the pizza requirements later.

That would push the film and takeaway pizza to 7-8pm which might be good?

Would she enjoy people getting their hair done? Round my way there's a little independent place that goes round doing vintage hairstyles for this sort of thing.

What about different champagne/prosecco cocktails as well? E.g. mimosa, Bellini, french 75, Aperol spritz, kir royale, the one involving cognac, bitters and a sugar cube. You could do a cocktail making competition where everyone brings "their" recipe and you see who wins? It's not super alcohol focused but might give a bit more interest in terms of options than just straight prosecco? And it might persuade a few more people to stay over.

Or, ultimately, just go with the flow. If she wants low key and an early night, that's legitimate. I only suggest the above if you think in reality that's not what she wants, and she'll be upset when that's the outcome.

That's really nice that she'll have somewhere to keep the bunting afterwards x

Why was it awkward when she asked you? Sounds like she came to your hen so you obviously mean something to each other.

My hen night was my best mates at Pizza Express.

We all had fun.

It’s what she wants, respect the bride’s wishes.