Child calling dad's girlfriend's kid's 'family'

[Gotnosleep]

I'm fuming.

I have a 3 year old DD and I split with her dad when she was around 18 months. We share custody 60/40 (I have her 60% of the time)
We have always been amicable, tried to stay friendly and go out on days as a three etc etc. Even though he irritates me, I never show this in front of DD.

During the time we've been apart, I've had two relationships.
Have done everything with DD in mind both times regarding introducing partners, spending time together, sleepovers. Don't want people coming and going from her life. Want minimal disruption, etc.

All that being said, my ex (DDs dad) got into a relationship in October. Great for him. It's now April and they live together. Him, her, her two kids and my DD (on the days she's there obvs)
To me, that is wild. I haven't said anything to him except that's a bit quick, and he is adamant this woman is 'the one'. Funny that. You said that about me and I left you 😂

Today, my DD has said 'A and B are my stepbrothers' (Ex's GFs kids!)
I said they're your friends!
And she said 'no they are my family'
I said who told you that? And she said 'daddy'
I said again that A and B are your friends and she is very adamant that they are family. This conversation has obviously been had with her dad more than once!

Am I right to be peed off here? Should I say anything?
I'm so scared they'll split up and my DD will be left sad and confused that 'family' can just leave.

This feels ranty - apologies

But they live with her. That is family. I know it’s not what you’d do, but for her they eat meals together, watch tv together, play together. That’s more than just friends.

I can understand why you're uncomfortable but I'd just leave it. She's too little to understand the complexities. She just thinks they're family because they live in the same house as her dad. I understand you don't like the fact he's moved in with his GF and that it's all moved too quickly for the wellbeing of your DD - I agree - but I don't think the semantics are going to make any difference and you're more likely to just confuse and upset her.

And family can leave. Just like you left her dad.
And you introduced 2 men to her in 18 months.

I’m really sorry to sound massively critical, I am not intending to be mean, just to show you a different PoV.

Sorry if it wasn't clear in my post - I have had two relationships yes but only one has been introduced to her and that was very recent. Just to clarify!

I can understand why you're uncomfortable but I'd just leave it. She's too little to understand the complexities. She just thinks they're family because they live in the same house as her dad. I understand you don't like the fact he's moved in with his GF and that it's all moved too quickly for the wellbeing of your DD - I agree - but I don't think the semantics are going to make any difference and you're more likely to just confuse and upset her.

If they get on well and she's happy when she goes there I wouldn't bother about what she calls them.

But they are her stepbrothers…

I think it's just everything, all at once. Feels crazy to me. I won't say anything but I think it'll effect our relationship (won't let DD see that though!)

They're her dad's girlfriend's kids. Of 6 months.

As annoying as it is, it's nothing to do with you. Just like you having two relationships in 18 months is nothing to do with your ex.

Basically this. They are step siblings.

Look, what do you want to happen?

Arguing with your DD is going to make her stressed and sad. So stop that.

If your ex and his GF stay together, then these are her step family. If they split up, then she's going to detach naturally.

What's the point of arguing over a word?

Don't confuse her by correcting her.

It’s an odd situation, we have so many relationship now that are counted as marriage but aren’t marriage. Permanent, but just for the moment. Unofficial, but just as important. We like some aspects of that, but don’t like others. There’s a flexibility now that feels unstable.

If they marry, then the other children will become step siblings.

Blending families is really complicated and in some ways I can see that there are advantages to doing it while the dc are all young.

We fostered, and the children were all siblings while they lived with us.

Hope it lasts it seems like she likes them.

Well I don't think either description is exactly right

But really they're more like step brothers than they are like friends.

But that's not to say you're wrong to feel uneasy about the whole thing

It's not helpful of you to correct her

I think six months is far too early to both move in and be introduced to a new partner - I don't agree with that at all, although it's his (misguided choice). But if she's happy the 40% of the time that she's there that is all that matters.

She's been taught that the people you live with are your family. And she already experienced a family breaking up that she has lived with, so if this relationship doesn't last why wouldn't she just view it in the same way? She's already had that experience in her life. I think it would confuse her more to try and change what she believes to be true and how she is viewing this new part of her life.

Also when children are only children, they do often want to have siblings - in fact I have three close friends who are only children and they all have said that all they wanted when they were young was brothers and/or sisters. This may just be a validation of that want.

No because they haven't impacted our DD's life 😊

I find it mad that I've very often seen mums get torn to shreds on here for introducing partners before a year, yet my ex has moved in with his gf after 6 months and is telling my DD that she has step siblings and that's fine 😂 remind me to never use mumsnet again lol

I didn't say it was, I said it misguided. But it's done and surely your thread is all about how to deal with the aftermath?

She wasn't confused she knows her mind and just told me I was silly and asked for some chocolate 😂

You’re creating awkwardness and confusion with your daughter over terminology?? She sounds happy with her situation at her dad’s. Don’t rain on it!

Maybe not, but that doesn't change the fact that what your ex gets up to is none of your business.

That doesn't mean it's "fine" or that he's being a good parent but you can't do anything about it.

Replied to the wrong comment sorry!